November 16 10:00 AM Strange thing happened last night when I went to read the Netscape 2.02b for Windows release notes. And fortunately I had screen-capture software handy at the time. Wonder what it means? 3:43 PM agony agony agony. just sat through a terrible, terrible meeting. i should really learn to refrain from showing my feelings at times like those. until then, dubble-damms all around, i guess. 10:04 PM November 17 10:17 AM I guess that the afterglow of the Beatles demise, and the dreadful sense of hush-hushedness that followed so many of the tremendous events of 1968 were the only kiss of excitement I ever got from that time, which has been described to me throughout my life as "a crack in time," and other overbearing things. My earliest living memories come from the days after the glass broke, and the adult world did seem kind of ill at ease with itself. Adulthood still seems like an ungainly concept to me; not necessarily for me personally, but just for everybody. Adulthood, fame, power, and wealth, all these concepts seem to have lost their value, or else assumed a new value that is not yet clear to me. I for one find it impossible to think of powerful people in this world as possessing any body or quantity of integrity that is not common to all of us on the level at which it matters. I don't think leadership exists, and the idea itself is a sham. There aren't enough secrets among us to make leadership or power capable of performing its oblique and elegant duty of pinpointing unique passions and currents of thought or ambition. 12:36 PM Fame is dead. Andy was right, and what he said about each of us having 15 minutes of fame becomes more and more poignant as the modern concept of fame has deteriorated into a farce. Being told that a person in your presence is famous invites sarcasm where it used to prompt some provincial brand of honor. Garrison Keillor wrote a funny story about being in a library and having an elderly man approach him and ask "Are you Garrison Keillor?" Garrison responded "Why, yes," and the man gave Keillor a still, quizzical stare for several seconds before saying "Oh," and returning to what he was doing. Keillor expected more, but I wonder if younger famous people today expect that "more," or if they just expect aggravation and harassment and name-calling and philosophy-of-life-trashing that all people are subject to project onto the blank entities and depthless personalities that usually lie behind. For me, that lack of depth is what made the o.j. simpson trial so fascinating. I kept trying to find some meaning in it, and more than that I tried and tried and tried to find some depth of character in any of the main players in that trial, and I just couldn't find it. When the verdict was read and almost all of us everywhere came together to hear it happen, I stared into Mr. Simpson's eyes, and I tried so hard to penetrate the shield of charisma and distance which should make fame so tantalizing. I hoped that something would happen, something that would open the hatch and release the secrets to capturing the imagination and attention of the entire planet. But nothing in the trial, and most disappointingly none of the lawyers, came from any depth of human understanding or experience. None of them responded to extraordinary circumstances with anything more outstanding than more talking, more money, more dirty tricks. 1:32 PM I really like THIS GUY, and I wish I could talk to him and see what's in his mind.