Listening to Bob Dylan Live 1966 and wanting so much to be there...........

I was there

wondering if it is malnutrition or my heartbreaking that makes my stomach ache...

it happened again. they always do this, with the"you make a better friend" crap.

i guess i am destined to be the most perfect thing that ever happened to me.

and i mean that.

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members.tripod.com/~kymical

decorating the office for heckoween.

spider webs everywhere.

corporate pizza.

stuffed alligator.

dimmed lights for the next week.

and still, we have to work here.

I'm checking up on your site and now getting ready to watch some movies.

http://shes.over-the-edge.com

admiring the beautiful office cam picture and getting ready to start a big project. my house smells really bad, we just put petfresh all over the carpets. although it has long since been vacuumed up, the sickly sweet odor lingers on, like an unpleasant memory.

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http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/4761

realizing that you can never really know anyone but yourself! If you even know that much.

waking up from a horriby lucid warped dream concerning food and two "friends" feuding just got off of the methadone program of two years now have to face the fact of being in a human body and all of the sensitivities the dream was about waiting for good food to cook in old oven and
then spoiling it by accidentally pouring liquid detergent on it and being starved in dream and reality
one friend poured out the carrot juice
anycomments

"i'm the coolest guy you'll ever meet," he informed us, this crazyhead pushing himself on me. he had had too many drinks and perhaps a line of coke or two. and he wanted to come with me and andrea and have a few more drinks. this total stranger who just climbed right into the backseat of my car tonight. simple as that. and so we took off for the next all night den.

he sat behind me. as i pulled out into the street, his hands came around my seat and grazed over my hips and sides. his hands were so huge in a bizarre way. bigger than many men's feet. big strong hands, long fingers. don't, i said. i'm trying to drive.

he talked loudly in a big boom box voice. he talked and talked and talked about his theory of human consciousness. about the subconscious shaped like a soccer ball geo-grid. how our experiences of life chip away at the grid, making holes through which the the energy of our souls, wound up like a spring inside, can leak out and become consciousness.

we found parking but had to walk 2 blocks through the armpit of the city. my other friends walked ahead. i'm short and always struggling to keep up, especially since it was 2am and i had had a few as well.

he held me back a little bit, this loud talking stranger. he said, look at me. i kept walking. he said, stop, i want to tell you something. and i kept walking. i didn't turn around. i could see his shadow over-taking mine on the sidewalk, when i suddenly felt his hands sliding all over my body all at once, like 10 hands instead of 2. i squealed. he leaned in and said, come home with me. please come home with me. please.

no i said. no.

he followed us all into the next bar. i climbed up on a bar stool and ordered. he stood behind me, close, his enormous hands hovering, doing something, i wasn't sure i wanted to know.

lately i haven't liked being touched. so naturally, there have been many men in my periphery in the last 2 weeks. because it's always when you want to be left alone that they come swarming in around you. i just have to remember that technique for a time when it's useful. right now i just wanted him to go away, him and those enormous fucking hands. away.

after i dropped off some friends down the street after. to stay up and drink and do blow and talk story til the sun comes up. andrea's parting words to me were wrought. "i'm the coolest guy you'll ever meet." i replied, "lord, i can only hope that's not true."

me, it's 5:16 am and i'm at home. i feel pretty safe now. goodnight.

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"i'm the coolest guy you'll ever meet," he informed us, this crazyhead pushing himself on me. he had had too many drinks and perhaps a line of coke or two. and he wanted to come with me and andrea and have a few more drinks. this total stranger who just climbed right into the backseat of my car tonight. simple as that. and so we took off for the next all night den.

he sat behind me. as i pulled out into the street, his hands came around my seat and grazed over my hips and sides. his hands were so huge in a bizarre way. bigger than many men's feet. big strong hands, long fingers. don't, i said. i'm trying to drive.

he talked loudly in a big boom box voice. he talked and talked and talked about his theory of human consciousness. about the subconscious shaped like a soccer ball geo-grid. how our experiences of life chip away at the grid, making holes through which the the energy of our souls, wound up like a spring inside, can leak out and become consciousness.

we found parking but had to walk 2 blocks through the armpit of the city. my other friends walked ahead. i'm short and always struggling to keep up, especially since it was 2am and i had had a few as well.

he held me back a little bit, this loud talking stranger. he said, look at me. i kept walking. he said, stop, i want to tell you something. and i kept walking. i didn't turn around. i could see his shadow over-taking mine on the sidewalk, when i suddenly felt his hands sliding all over my body all at once, like 10 hands instead of 2. i squealed. he leaned in and said, come home with me. please come home with me. please.

no i said. no.

he followed us all into the next bar. i climbed up on a bar stool and ordered. he stood behind me, close, his enormous hands hovering, doing something, i wasn't sure i wanted to know.

lately i haven't liked being touched. so naturally, there have been many men in my periphery in the last 2 weeks. because it's always when you want to be left alone that they come swarming in around you. i just have to remember that technique for a time when it's useful. right now i just wanted him to go away, him and those enormous fucking hands. away.

after i dropped off some friends down the street after. to stay up and drink and do blow and talk story til the sun comes up. andrea's parting words to me were wrought. "i'm the coolest guy you'll ever meet." i replied, "lord, i can only hope that's not true."

me, it's 5:16 am and i'm at home. i feel pretty safe now. goodnight.

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feeling my eyes fill with tears.

larry is a great human being. an alum of the college, he makes it his mission to attend and support every gay/lesbian function little queer student organization has to offer. he has become a permanent fixture at all major events, adorned with crazy jewelry and a huge grin. when i didn't see him last week at our enormous hate crimes vigil, i became worried. this morning was our homecoming parade, and of course, larry was in attendance, dancing and waving his queer self all the way down duke of gloucester street. when i asked him why he wasn't at our vigil, he told me he hasn't been feeling so well lately. it was only then that i noticed the karposi's sarcoma lesions around the edges of his face that weren't there a few months ago. and when he spoke, i saw the white trush covering the inside of his mouth. and i knew that after 15 years of living with full-blown aids, larry is starting to lose his battle.

i tend to accept and acknowledge bad news very well, but it's because i keep it on the periphery. i say, "yes, i failed that midterm," but i don't REALLY know it until the paper comes back with the F, and it crushes me. as long as i have known larry, he has been living with aids. but today, for the first time, i realized he is also dying of aids.

larry, you are only 33 years old. i need your cocky grin and gaudy necklaces. i can't accept the possibility that i have seen your last glorious march down duke of gloucester street, dancing with a carefree grin while cursing under your breath at the homophobic alums who frown as we pass. please, larry, don't go. god, please, don't go yet.

10/25/98, 12:48 PM
nelly is:

testing the waters. Seems like I can actually sit up now without that horrible painful knot appearing in the vague location of the diaphragm. Seems like I can do that for several minutes without having to dash to the bathroom and retch. Seems like I get an hour back today, which won't make up for the 4 hours this morning.... Wondering, what happened? Was it the bean dip?

testing again. is it really likely that no one has done anything since 12:48 p.m.?

feeling sorry for nelly and looking for pictures of khali on the web. should be painting some wood right now.

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I am sitting up waiting for my ex-boyfriend to email me back, even tho I really know he won't. I'm also drinking apple cider.

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having a terrible day. sympathies to all in same boat, for whatever reason.

telling all of my Sorabjibuddies that I apologize for being such an infrequent visitor as of late. But when you are working on a mayoral campaign and the election is one week from tomorrow, you barely have time to eat and fart.

Fear not, I will be back.

:-)

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http://www.angelfire.com/md/pjayboy/index.html

Thinkin' that means VERY busy..miss ya Jimbabe.

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wondering about "Mr. Bean" . . . .a friend told me he is one of her favorite comedians. Also a fan of the great Jonathan Winters. looking for him in the CD section heard he has a great one with his real answering machine messages.

my bird died

i am sad.

Offering condolences to my buddy Nate.

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Nate, you can have Hondo, one of my Cockateils. She's very sweet. I've had her since she was a baby, she's about 8 years old now...and the best part - she lays eggs that never hatch.

i used to have a cat named hondo. he would attack me for no reason, and he had a funny black yarmulke shaped spot on top of his head. i'm sorry about your bird, nate. buy some goldfish, they don't die as easily. not quite as cuddly, though.

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sending pages to "Mark the supercomputer." E9 has finally realized that sorabji.com is all an elaborate scheme.

Maybe staged by the government.

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http://www.cutaia.com/

sending pages to "Mark the supercomputer." He has finally realized that sorabji.com is all an elaborate scheme.

Maybe staged by the government.

[email protected]
http://www.cutaia.com/

wondering why the "wander around" box won't work anymore.

WHY, MARK...WHY?!?!

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http://www.cutaia.com

Sorry 'bout your bird Nate.

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thank you, but i don't think i am looking for a replacement 'tiel.

i think my dead little friend is haunting my house now.

in a good way.

i saw her on my night stand last night.

contemplating how deaths come in threes. My dad died Monday. My seven year-old's goldfish died the same day. Now Nate's bird.

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contemplating how deaths come in threes. My dad died Monday. My seven year-old's goldfish died the same day. Yesterday it was Nate's bird.

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also thinking I'm an idiot for double posting.

finding all the spooky devil faces in bed cam. look carefully at the pile of rumpled covers--it's scary.

ok, you can have my peach then......big daddy.

sorry Chordata.

It is hard, isn't it? Hard to get used to the idea that *this* may be the last *this* that your friend ever does. Ever....

I haven't gone through that hell in a few years but I remember the anguish. The guilt, the anger, the hate.

And no matter what words I can say, it will never be enough. Or be satisfactory.

Take care --

AHHHHHHHHHHH!


that is my resounding whoop. it is late. tiredness has crept in. techno is not pushing me as it should. flipping pages. why why why but it is useless to ask for i asked to come here didn't i and so it goes

Kelly is a problem child

i am fritzing out, like a faulty wiring job. tomorrow is a bad, bad day.

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http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/4761

realising she hasn't *seen* mark in ages - hiya mark.

winding down after a long and fretfrul day of train cancellations and delays, to and from work. a fire at king's cross station. hopefully not at all like the last one.

surprised that i got so choked up watching the space shuttle launch. not because i am old enough to be John Glen's mother, but because after all this time it's still a Big Fucking Deal.

were you born in this century sheila?

wondering what the hell is up with the King's Cross Station.

i was there back in '86 the last time it went up in flames. not that i knew it. found out when i got home that i'd left the station about 15 minutes before the pandemonium broke out.

someone should fix that shit.

those underground stations are way too deep to be so perilous.

not of this century. i've been lying about my age, saying i was only ninety, when i am well past the hundred milestone. a century long ago and far away. . . . . . . . .
i should have known that some shrewd young person like Nate would catch on sooner or later

Thinkin' that the younger we are, the more we learn before we get all old.

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wondering if Nate's gonna take Ridin' babe up on her offer of peach pie!!!

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Eating crumbs from a batch of brownies (with walnuts) that I made to bring to work for the Halloween party tomorrow. And getting them all over my niteshirt & the carpet. (so where's my greedy cat when I need her?)

And feeling sad for Nate. It's always painful when a pet dies. But consider getting a parrot. I hear they live VERY long lives (as much as 25 years). The store where I buy my smokes at has one in residence. He curses
like a sailor at people he decides he doesn't like (usually belligerent homeless guys/or drunks). That bird is such a pisser!
You cd teach yours how to type & let him loose on the msg. boards!

I am examining a coffee bean. I was preparing a fup of coffee and found a whole, undamaged bean in my coffee grounds. I am going to make an idle to the bravery and craftiness of this bean that escaped the whirling blades of bean-grindery and destruction. I feel a strong connection to this lone, brave bean.

Coffee bean, I worship thee.

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http://tbone.ml.org

i getting goosebumps from the idea of going to california. i hope i have made a good decision. and that these arms are the ones i am looking for.

plotting against another has left me tired tho....but i smell damn good!

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i getting goosebumps from the idea of going to california. i hope i have made a good decision. and that these arms are the ones i am looking for.

plotting against another has left me tired tho....but i smell damn good!

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Cockatiels live 20-25 years. Mine, less than a year. She died 9 days after i bought her.

but we had bonded in that time. she was my shoulder company during my waking hours not at work.

damn.

Telling Nate that if he bought that bird from a pet store or a breeder & it died 9 days later/he gets his money back! It was obviously sick when they sold it to you. Seriously -- any reputable establishment gives you a warranty
on the animals they sell. Go Pitch A Fit & Get Yr $$ BACK! There's nothing worse than folks who make their living breeding & selling sick animals...

Sitting here counting my tip money, smoking Camel Lights and checking out this board...guess 'cuz I'm bored. Should be heading for bed 'cuz I got a 14 hr. day ahead of me...but that's nothing new and I'm pretty used to it by now. HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!

denknee!webtv.net

looking at Cams.... never been to a site like this! Kewl!

Happy Halloween.

Anyone doing the NY marathon?
Am I the only one who does this (loiter around sorabji), and that (run for my life)? And me in my nineties, yet!

I saw Lou Reed in my dreams, or maybe it was on PBS, very early this morning. A good omen.

Wishing Sheila luck in the marthon! I am truly impressed that a nonagenarian is runing that in race. You're a better woman than I -- just watching them on the news used to make me tired! You shd wear a Sorabji shirt/so we'll know it's you if you win

Six is stretched out on the floor behind -- I doubt she'll be running in any marathons either. (Altho' I'd bet on her to beat anyone in a 100-yd-dash to the food bowl). I think I'll go catch a couple of flicks at the $1.50 movies later/to avoid the incessant
ringing of my doorbell by trick-or-treaters.

But do have a
HAPPY
HALLOWEEN
EVERYONE!

is sitting here.. wondering why dafuk she up and moved her crazy ass to Vancouver instead of Florida?.. I still don't know.. my whole life seems to be at a stand still since Mike and I separated. I didn't think it would affect me ( I didn't love him anymore) and yet I'm sitting here wondering why my life seems so sad now. I'm surrounded by family, and yet feel so alone. I haven't felt "normal" since visiting Dani in August.
I'm ashamed to say I haven't even talked to my Danigirl in so long... just once since I moved here in Sept. Dani, you don't know how bad I feel about that... you ARE and will always be my soul-sister. Even though I don't get to talk to you much.. I'm ALWAYS thinkin' 'bout you and Kimmie and Rich.. I miss yas all, lovergirl..
I need ta jump start my life again.. get things moving in a positive direction.. but it's hard. I've been sliding downhill for so long now.. I don't know if I can stop.. or if I really want to. Sometimes, I think it would be better just to let go.
I thought I could make it better by leaving the East coast and starting over.. but it's made it so much worse.
I'm at a loss.. and it scares me that these thoughts continually come into my mind..

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is sitting here.. wondering why dafuk she up and moved her crazy ass to Vancouver instead of Florida?.. I still don't know.. my whole life seems to be at a stand still since Mike and I separated. I didn't think it would affect me ( I didn't love him anymore) and yet I'm sitting here wondering why my life seems so sad now. I'm surrounded by family, and yet feel so alone. I haven't felt "normal" since visiting Dani in August.
I'm ashamed to say I haven't even talked to my Danigirl in so long... just once since I moved here in Sept. Dani, you don't know how bad I feel about that... you ARE and will always be my soul-sister. Even though I don't get to talk to you much.. I'm ALWAYS thinkin' 'bout you and Kimmie and Rich.. I miss yas all, lovergirl..
I need ta jump start my life again.. get things moving in a positive direction.. but it's hard. I've been sliding downhill for so long now.. I don't know if I can stop.. or if I really want to. Sometimes, I think it would be better just to let go.
I thought I could make it better by leaving the East coast and starting over.. but it's made it so much worse.
I'm at a loss.. and it scares me that these thoughts continually come into my mind..

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Trying to think of words that resonate. And failing.

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http://kodiak.billings.k12.mt.us

Understanding you Siren...life sometimes throws us alot of unexpected things. Just when we think that we have made a right decision about something, we end up second guessing. Alot has happened to both you and I in the last year and a half or so. We've changed and grew up alot. We've had some really wonderful things happen and also some really bad things. One thing I have learned is that whatever is making us sad or confused or pissed, there is something that can make it better. You need to ask yourself what will make you happy and then do your best to make it happen. I know you and I havent talked much lately and it's totally ok because I know your dealing with alot of shit right now. I also know that you know that I am always here when you need someone. You and I are good for each others souls, for sure. All that lezbo shit is a total joke yes but the fact of the matter is, we're friends. I really wish you would just come back to my house and spend some time with me. I'm alot better than I was before so it would be a really great visit. No matter how bad things seem to be, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel...dont forget that.

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trying to think of words that resonate.

dong.

neum

bologna

motordrome

wiping her eyes at the moment.. read Dani's reply and felt like, for at least a moment, we were sitting on her carport.. drinking Budlight and smokin' Newports... Gawd.. I wish I could be there now..
I know you'll always be there Dani.. you always have been... You are my gift from God, sis.. you know it.

All da love

Siren

P.S. I'm thinking ... early December?.. Good for you?

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