Thinking abut drugs. I've only ever really self-medicated with cigarettes...you know they contain an anti-depressant, mild but consistent. When I think about quitting I literally get panicky, because I don't have mood swings anymore. But I ain't going on prozac. I'd go back and see if the head shrinkers would help before I'd succumb to that temptation (my one visit to a shrink as an adult resulted in them dangling prozac in front of me like a carrot with therapy as the stick -- I didn't want either, I just wanted to whine to someone I didn't know for an hour. It was ok.) Every woman I know who went to grad. school except me and my exboyfriend's girlfriend Julia is on prozac. To me that says that there's something wrong with Hopkins. Some of the men are on prozac, but not nearly that statistically significant a portion.
I HAVE watched wrestling, Semillama. It was ok, and I favor Stone Cold Steve Austin, and back in the day I was a big Rowdy Roddy Piper fan. But really, it's just not as much fun as watching the slo-mo of fist hitting face, sweat flying off hair and a minute spritz as glove makes contact, and then the droplet of blood....so viscous.
Sheila: I would go on prozac if I felt it was that or lose it entirely, but I'm a couple of levels of functionality ahead of that, and I have my cigarettes.
R.C., are you a poet? I love the flow and lyric of your posts.

[email protected]

i used to come here alot... then for some reason it started messing up and i couldnt look at anything.. today i come back, and still cant get to the message boards, says access denied...or some shit.. also looking at your blinds in the office.. smoking a cigarette, and wanting a joint..wonder if its my browser.. or i just cant see them at all anymore...

[email protected]

Wondering why so many of the female grad students at Johns Hopkins are on Prozac? Does J.H. get a lot of funding from pharmaceutical co's.? I owe that hospital my life/& they've got some of the best doctors & nurses in the country. But it seems like this Prozac thing ain't mere coincidence...

There are nearly twice as many women on Prozac nationwide as men. Supposedly/we're the ones who are "prone to depression". Never did understand what that means... Is that akin to men being prone to getting hardons? Do they have a pill to prevent that? Like reverse Viagra? Argaiv/or whatever?

Sometimes/the world is depressing/if you're paying any attention. If they're gonna invent a drug for every damn thing that ails you/why not a pill that eradicates poverty? Take it just before bed/& you'll wake up w/a pile or Hamilton's under yr pillow every morning. That sure wd cure a lot of female depression!

If Clinton/Starr & the entire Republican party aren't on Prozac
/nobody needs to be.

(And I'm only a poet after my 2nd Margarita. The rest of the time/I'm just a woman who thinks out loud w/her hands. If you taped a pr. of mittens on me/ or took away my keyboard /I'd have nothing to say. You'd all be free to ingest as many little colored pills as you wanted.)

[email protected]
www.unmedicatedemotionalresponses.com

I don't think more women are depressed than men, but that in our culture, it is more acceptable fo rwomen to admit they're depressed and seek treatment. Men are conditioned to "bottle it up" w/ all the rest of those sticky emotion-things, and thus don't seek treatment as often, which may account for the less frequent incidence of men on prozac. This may also account for higher suicide rates and general amounts of self -destructive stupidity among men.

Everybody absolutly has to visit this website, for it is truly one of the websites of utter zen madness:

www.hamsterdance.com

www.hamsterdance.com

i just learned that i became an aunt again. i now have 16 neices and nephews. all in-laws, as im an only child. anyways, im sitting here at work, with the setting sun on my back and wondering if im a bad person because i never, ever, ever want children. and wondering how old i'll have to be before people stop saying "you're young yet--you have plenty of time, you'll change your mind.'

what is that about? why are people with children so sure that everyone in the world should also want children? who made it law? i mean, jesus. if i wanted kids, i would have had them already, not wait to pop them out when im 40, the way todays sister in law did. i cant imagine wanting to wipe up snot when im 50.

i just dont like children. and that
*doesnt* make me a bad person. really.

[email protected]

Listening to the Rach3 and looking at pictures. Does anyone else look at pictures? I absolutely love it. I'll stop halfway through developing the film (just after the fixer) and go through all the trouble of reloading it, just so I can look at the negatives. Unfortunately, no one appreciates my pictures except me. They're my Zen. Sometimes I imagine I'm Ansel Adams or Annie Leibovitz, but then I get a bit show-offish.

Today is Jennilea's birthday. Everyone wish her a nice day please. I bought her a lovely book called 'Hope for the Flowers.' bye

PS - I have a hamsterdance screensaver, although I've no idea where I got it from.

[email protected]

what we depressed persons do best:

just sitting and knitting.

mittens.

litigating.

pondering the proposition that was put forth to me last week.
i've been asked to work in the home office of one of our major clients for the entire month of april. this means living in a hotel in connecticut for five weeks, dealing with a hardcore corporate environment in which shirt & tie is required, putting up with the bureaucratic insanity native to such large corporate entities, and basically having no life.
the upside is that i'm being offered a cash bonus incentive. they want both me and j to help prepare their internal support team for the big transition in may.
the cash bonus is now negotiable due to our total lack of interest.
this is where the conspiring begins.
sources inform me that we have all the cards in our hands.
if we don't go, the whole project gets pushed back and widespread chaos ensues.

under these circumstances, i see no option but to milk them for all they're worth.

oink, muhfucka.

milk.

it's always about milk.

I'm completely drunk and have just been told
how I could manage to train and express
my second neural curcuit. It's not that I like the
idea but a good friend of mine told me to beat the
hell out of a girl that has really become the
annoyance in town. She is our negative interest and mindfuck in one, because she steals all the time so that we are always interested in quickly
spending our money in things she can't carry away and then she is pretty skilled in manipulating some of their friends to believe her rather than other friends who are just out of money they haven't spent.
Yeah, but I don't like all that territorial attitude and I prefer to demonstrate power by not
intervening but silently giving her the feeling that she fucked it all up, yeah.
Anyway, all that doesn't really matter because I had a party on saturday and I'm gonna have a public reading next week.
But I lived with that girl for 3 years and I thought I loved her. Strange, isn't it?

[email protected]
http://systemausfall.home.pages.de

Telling Swine to
TAKE DA MONEY,
MAN!

You've gotta serious audiogear jones to support -- remember? Plus it's only for 5 wks. & only to CT. And yr boy J gets to go too!? (Do they have any idea what they're setting themselves up for here?) So you negotiate a bonus based on 5 wks. work w/the proviso that if the job runs longer/you'll have to ask for more $$ becuz you had planned to go visit yr brother in Haiti in June & you've already paid for the tkt./or some shit. Things like this never finish on schedule. Three wks. into the job /when some idiot consultant's pie-in-the -sky timetable projections are clearly not going to pan out/ you can ask for more $$ on a wk-by-wk basis for the extra time. Like the hot-shot Hollywood script doctors do -- $25K per week for 4 wks. to come in & tweak a script at the last minute/becuz some asshole movie star (i.e. Pierce "I Am James Bond" Brosnan) suddenly doesn't like the screenplay & the picture is 2 mos. away from starting principal photogtaphy/& the producer is hitting bricks. If they want another draft after week #4/the rate goes up to 75K per week/or $50K per each additional draft. It's insane -- if only I had the rep to get in on THAT gravy train!

You cd easily rack up an extra 2 or 3 mos. pay as yr bonus. And on the wknds/you & yr boy can hop on the train & be back in NY 90 min. tops. (On second thought/fuck the train -- tell them they've gotta give you a rental car.) A few weeks of getting GQ & dealing w/the corp. captians every day won't kill ya. Those suits are just sitting in yr closet getting dated anyway.

You got no steady girl to worry abt missing. Take The Money, Martin! You'll be kicking yrself later if you don't.

(But promise yrself you'll stash half yr bonus in some investment vehicle for the future/& only spend half. It'll still be enuf to buy yrself some major toys.)

And telling DK that any bitch that steals from you deserves a serious beatdown -- not a mind fuck.


[This concludes today's R.C.'s Advice For Life column. We now return you to yr regularly scheduled randomness.)

Working on my firmness. Oh yeah.

swine, do it. you can visit my family, if you'd like. i'll send you a list of all three hot spots in connecticut.

[email protected]

telling Swine to take R.C.'s advice. Take the fucking money. BE BORED. HAVE NO LIFE. Do you have one now?

LOL

Sorry... I don't know where that came from.

Heh.

[email protected]

Swine, swine, swine, swine...swine: not to be redundant, but take the money. what's 5 wks, really? I mean, it's like a month, right? Big schmeal, and you should go now before summer when the skeeters get vishis. i lived in connecticut, i know it sucks. my brother the breeder lives there and though he's boring boring boring he seems happy enough. then again, he plays hockey. but the MONEY. you could be saving the nest-egg for the buyout breakdown can't stand this shit anymore bolt to total nyc funky artistdom. you owe it to yourself to blackmail them into giving you what you want for doing something that's really no big deal. and post a picture of y'self in a suit. it would prolly make nice wallpaper for my work desktop.
and dani, remember when I said sometimes pouring orange juice over someone's head was called for? it is. you don't have to do uber damage, but a nice wordless public discomfiture is always a good reality check. it doesn't have to be orange juice, but if you dump a beverage over someone's head it should always have two characteristics: (1) it should not stain -- that makes you look like a bad guy and ends you in small claims court for a dry cleaners bill which takes the sting out of your moral righteousness (2) it should be sticky and gross, because sticky and gross makes the other person not just shocked and publically embarassed but physically uncomfortable. I suggest: flavored club soda, sprite, that kind of thing.
now go forth and sin no more.

[email protected]

hey, swine, you can come visit me here in beautiful new haven.

and dont believe agatha: there ARE no hot spots in connecticut. :)

trying hard to concentrate on work in spite of the eagles outside catching their breakfasts.

harvesting nasal produce.

swine, don't do it man. ARE YOU SOME KIND OF WHORE? it's only money.

Who cares about the money? An oppoprtunity to harass Puritan yankees for 5 weeks and then get to leave is pretty hard to pass up. Just don't get arrested.

i care about the money. you see, although swine doesn't know it yet, i have a secret plan for him to finance my trip to sorabjifest 99.

margret, just to prepare you, swine is one handsome humminahummina.

[email protected]

wondering what the fuck just happened...

i walk into the office an hour ago, still chugging coffee, still wiping sleep out of my eyes, when i get blitzed by management.
five minutes into this little impromptu conference i realize my bargaining position has been totally compromised because they're offering me this "promotion"...
so i tell them i'll think about it, and head over to my workstation...
guess what i see when i fire up my e-mail? a company wide message announcing my new position and the fact i'll be spending april in connecticut.

i haven't agreed to ANY of that shit yet.

this is pissing me off.

i never accept anything without negotiating salary/responsibilities and getting it all on paper -- signed and dated by upper management.

this is gonna cost 'em.

wondering who toysha bates is.

OOOH swine, they done BONED you!
OMG did they pull a fast one.
Can they promote you without your permission? What IS the legal status on that kinda crap? Anyone here an employment lawyer?
Jeezum.

[email protected]

reading the 2/21 rant and trying to envision mild-mannered mark hanging out under the george washington bridge waiting to score some "evil weed".
i'd drop a few bills to get that on tape.
might be a winner on "america's funniest videos".
anyway, the promotion-blitz fiasco has been resolved for the most part... tomorrow we talk cold hard figures. 20% sounds like a good number to me.

damn. it's 4:20...

i gotta get under that bridge...

two things:

when and where is Sorabjifest 99?

and yes, from what i've seen, swine is luscious.

[email protected]
http://syrup.org/visions

getting ready to go home and read some stuff on material culture. I worte 8 pages of an appendix on ironmaking today and am feeling a little burnt. Perhaps tonite would be good for a different kind o' burnt, eh, swine?

Bloodswine,
I did the office thing for once month in NY, no pay. Even wore a skirt. 45 minute commute into the city.

You're going to be paid.

Do it, man.

A humminahummina??

Swinebaby... I'll go to CT for you if you send me a pic.

[email protected]
http://members.tripod.com/~RidinBareBack/index.html

So WHERE is the photographic proof of Swine's lusciousness?

Who's
Got
The
Evidence,
Dammit?

Give up the URL, folks! All I've ever seen of him is that morphed-beyond-
recognition pic he used to have at at his site.

And screw da promotion, bro. Just take the short-term
save-their-asses gig/
THEN decide if you wanna get bump[ed upstairs. You may get
an offer from some miltinational firm to work in their office in the Cayman Islands. Don't commit yrself to nothing beyond a big fat bonus for spending 5 wks. in CT.

back in NYC. Actually, I got back last Friday (would've loved to have popped over dani, didn't get the message till I got back, though I don't know if I could've escaped anyway). The big highlight was my 30 minute dip in the ocean. Sure it was cold (the only other guy in there was a 45 year old surfer insulated by several layers of fat and a half inch wetsuit), but it was well worth it.
Been in work hell lately. Spent this past weekend in conneticut, working. Swine - I took work in CT (commuting 1 hr each way everyday). It sucks but if the money's there... Plus now you can screw that CS2X and head straight to the AN1X or JP 8000 or even... Nord 2.
Lately I've been running on empty but handling it surprisingly well. Been out till 3-4 am nightly and still been managing to get up for my 1 hr. morning drive. (swine- definitely see if you can get a car out of them)
Basically just trying to distract myself from work, which annoys me, and my relationship, which is now officially one foot out the door. That, actually, is a relief in a way. Even so, seeing as it's been over 2 1/2 years we've been together, just the idea of not being with this person (or just being alone) feels pretty weird. She hasn't moved out yet, but it's been discussed, and I really don't see how we can go anywhere but apart from here. I've just realized that the constant up and down that daily occurs as my girlfriend rides through her mood swings is just too much to handle. It's a shame, because I really do love her, but I can't spend all my life with someone who brings me down so much of the time.
A relationship in it's death throes is rarely nice, but at least when you recognize it as such it brings a fair bit of relief.
Definitely will have to get back down to florida. I forgot how nice it could be down there.

[email protected]

Dammit, I just tried posting on "music we listen to..." and it told me I don't have permission to post! I need a password, because all of a sudden, it's private. What's up w/ that?

[email protected]

i guess if no one gave you the password, that means something.

Yeah, except I was posting there before, in fact today, so that doesn't make too much sense. (Unless someone's a real rabid fan of Garth Brooks, Alanis Morrisette, Billy Joe armstrong, and Puff Daddy.)
Plus, I can still post here, so what's the difference?

probably just a bug.

listening to how

Things Fall Apart

the hip hop bar has been raised so high by this shit that people like sean puffy combs shouldn't even be able to walk down the street without feeling crippled by shame and inadequacy.

doctor's orders?

practice herbalism before imbibing new paradigm funk.

you put this in your cd player and your stereo will never be the same again.

signing a contract with the adjacent county to work for their Community Development Department for one year, as a planner.

trying to rearrange my life to accomodate this change.

guessing i will not be one of the ones who can talk from work. but not sure.

the last time a accepted a new planning job, my father-in-law died. from all i hear, this time it will be my mother-in-law.

i really do have a t-shirt that says Stop Me Before I Plan Again.

reveling in non-dysfunctionality.

sat at my desk, in my office, at home. It's raining a lot this morning. Got out of school canteen duty because I couldn't bear to listen to the supervisor talk incessantly about her family. Trying to design our company web site for the first time. A new skill to learn. Your site was recommended in the MS Frontpage 98 book. Love it!

still learning......how to...

wondering: Is being recommend by the MS Frontpage 98 book the kiss of death, like a "Best New Artist" Grammy?

Listening to midi files in Vancouver. I have NOTHING else to do but sit on my fat ass. Oh well, I wonder if anyone is worried about this y2k thingy. Do you think it well shut down the world? All I know is that 18 hours before the stroke of midnight I will see the effects of that tiny tiny number of FOUR digits!
Why the hell are we so worried about FOUR digits when we should be worrying about the war and famine in the thrid world countries. I think we are going to forget them. At least they don't have to worry about losing 'data'.
I think the world is now scared of a four digit number. I guess they can stop making weapons of destruction now, cause we may self-destruct. hehe

I hope you guys don't take this to heart cause it is just bunch of bull-shit that I'm just typing up. But it IS true that the world is really scared about a FOUR digit number. Man, I thought nuclear weapons where the choice. Seems to me that who ever first made the computer had in turn made the ULTIMATE weapon and didn't even know it. He/she secretly planted in every home, business so he/she could TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

Ok I guess my bull-shitting should stop now.

Bye

P.S. The web site has NO relation to y2k and my bull-shitting.
Bye :)
"I'll be back"

[email protected]
http://keytron.8m.com

Here I sit, contemplating chemistry. Pharmaceutical chemistry, in general. In specific, I stand amazed at the body's pathways and the fluid nature of consciousness...

To give you reference, that you may interpret my rambling... Alison. Oh, my. I remain awestruck that 2.5h of conversation can have such a pronounced effect upon my reality. Seriously. It's times that these that I realize how pitiful our mathematical and chemical modeling comes to protraying an accurate picture of some elements. I know at some level that we could model it, undoubtedly with terms like receptors, endorphins, neurotransmitters and the like, being tossed out like rocks, but it really is a pale shadow of the reality, isn't it?

If confronted, I WILL catagorically deny this post. I now return you to my math-obsessed, chemistry-loving existance.

Bemused. Amused. Intoxicated. High.

Who needs drugs?

Mack.

Of course, by extension, a drug could be defined as anything that brings about a measurable and repeatable effect upon the body (really. Ask the FDA). So, that would make her a drug. A really freaking potent one... Alpha-methyl-fentanyl, you say? HAH! No comparison! None.

(Alpha-methyl-fentanyl is a synthetic opiate that killed all those folks some years ago.. . The synthetic heroin... Active dose is in micrograms. Maybe picograms. It's the kind of compound that you don't prepare, because if your lab technique was sloppy, you're dead. Street value of a kg, properly diluted, runs around 2.2M USD... It would need to be exponentiated by an order of magnitude (or 5) to even compete with the girl....)

thinking Lauren Hill is one groovy ass chick!

I am completely disgusted with "My Heart Will Go On." It was a great recording, but enuf already. Although, Celine Dion & Andrea Bocelli's "The Prayer" was simply gorgeous.

And, Ricky Martin... (forgive me) Grrrrrrowl!

[email protected]

keeping his powder dry just in case.

Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated
Warning: ridiculously long PATH truncated

Hey, here's something for all you blasphemers out there:
IT's the jesus dance!

http://www.io.com/~ryland/jesusdance/

Hey, here's something for all you blasphemers out there:
IT's the jesus dance!

http://www.io.com/~ryland/jesusdance/

if i make it up to heaven and see Jesus Christ line-dancing, i'm gonna request a transfer to hell.

pondering Vector Control.

[email protected]

Trying to figure out the whole idea of this page ... it really confuses me ! ..but that is nothing i am always confused !

[email protected]

booking my flight out to seattle and alerting all guilty parties of my arrival.

i'll have to spend my 28th birthday training biopharmaceutical salesfolks on the new-fangled software (nicknamed FIASCO '99), but i'll have the following weekend free to engage in floating mindless debauchery.

it'll be nice to get out of the concrete jungle for a few days.

agatha, drop me some mail if you still wanna chill on the boat.

[email protected]

It is helicopter day again, but this time they are searching for three women who disappeared from Yosemite over a week ago. The FBI is all over the place, lots of my friends have been on the search and rescue duty since the first day, and the latest word is that someone saw a red car at the bottom of one of the steep ravines. When the troops arrived, they found not the three missing women and their rental car, but several other cars they had not known about, way way down. Three adult women in a bright red brand new car--poof, gone.

I have accepted a job over in the Big Village. Life will be changing soon, and I don't know exactly in which direction. More $$$, less goose time. The laws have been changed during the time I have been working for myself, so I need to catch up, pass a physical, sign a contract, get some clothes for the office.

2/25/99, 6:40 PM
sarah is:

planning my escape.

it won't be long now.

[email protected]

Wondering if I'm the only person in America who didn't watch the Grammys...

Congratulating the Ur-Babe on her new gig! :)

And thinking I'd be happy to be a part of any community Sheila had a hand in planning.

Wondering if the geese & goats will start plotting a coup the minute she drives off for her 1st day at the office.

(Be sure to post lots of digital cameras 'round the place so we can keep an eye on yr critters for ya, Sheila.)

And being very glad that I caught Venus & Jupiter (was it Jupiter?) almost kissing in the sky earlier tonite. One good thing abt this part of FL/there's still lots of big sky country. And beaches where you can get an unobstructed view of the heavens.

Telling Blindswine to hook up w/Aggie & take lots of pix of his west coast fun & frolic!

unable to hear. strange pressure in head. must...push...button.

there is this commercial i saw last night. man is running through the streets being chased by a (toy) poodle. man escapes poodle by running into bar. with poodle jumping up and down at the window, man orders a zima. big ugly guys look at him funny. man drinks zima. fae dunaway wannabe opens door and poodle rushes in. bites man on ass. freezes solid and drops off. black bartender man leans forward and says "coool." sarcasm is obvious.

this sold me on not drinking zima. in no way to i want to be like this man.

First of all, the man is running from a little poodle. What a pussy. There are only two
possible senarios in which you would be
running from a poodle (as opposed to kicking
the poodle and continuing with your own business.)

1) You just got in a fight with your mom because you're 27 years old and still living at home. She's kicking you out of the trailer once and for all, but you're refusing to go. She's already thrown all her hot rollers and her collection of McDonald's Charlie Brown juice glasses have been smashed against the vinyl wood paneling. She doesn't want to screw up the fresh coat of hot pink polish on her nail extensions, so she sicks "Tickles", her miniture toy poodle on you. Last time you kicked the dog Mom made Uncle Cleetus, your smack dealer, cut you off. You run.

2) You walk out of Nordie's with your brand new fur coat, right into a crowd of PETA demonstrators. In order to protect your new investment you start breaking jaws and noses left and right. The screams of the insane about you part suddenly when a strong, clear voice cuts through with "SET FREE THE DOGS". Suddenly you find your self chased by 16 of PETA's highly trained, laboratory rescued, infinitely viscious attack poodles. You duck around a corner, pulling your piece from your jacket. Your shots, as usual, are dead on, but unfortunately your 9mm only holds 15 rounds. You slip into a bar.

Now, since the man in the commercial wasn't wearing a fur coat, this rules out the more desireable case 2.

The second problem with this man is that the first thing he thinks to order coming into the bar is a Zima. Ordering a Zima, for me, would involve being told by the bartender that the only drinks they have are a few bottles of Zima and some flat club soda. Then I'd have to flip a coin. If it came up that my choice would be Zima, I'd probably go best of three. Then probably best of five. Then I imagine I'd try another bar. Unless, of course, this -was- the other bar, in which case I would order the Zima, take a few sips, go for a leak and escape through the window in the john.

The last factor of this commercial is the whole dog-freezing-on-ass thing. I have never heard anyone say "oh yeah, he has such a cool ass." Hot ass, yes. Cool ass, no. Therefore, it must not be desireable.

So, what I am wondering is, Billy... is this you trying to make your company lose clients?

Oh, and my collared lizard female (Sylvia) is gravid.

but she is oviparous, is she not? you can tell by the orange markings? has she laid yet?

sorabji.com needs to be on gestation watch this time of year.

we cannot allow the species to become extinct.

the milk-drinker i know left last october to work in a different part of the country, living in a hotel, but only til the end of december. then it turned into the end of june, then the end of march. and today it turned into the end of august.

man, this company sucks. some of those folk have families. but this is the way the future is, right?

hot damn. and how to squeeze in a holiday to monterey to visit my odd friend bob? can i really extend my business trip, and include a flight to the wrong side of the country? probably not.

and do you know how hard it is to find a cottage in cornwall for easter week?

the things that are pissing me off today are all external. the impotence of being unable to change the direction things are taking, to have your life ordered from afar, but from so far afield you can't even hear who's barking the commands. sometimes all you get left with is the bewilderment of having done everything right and still not having things the way you want them.

and i worry about the geese

scaring my next door cube dweller with the dancing jesus's and the dancing hamsters.

and she calls ME an odd duck (exact quote)....I mean, hey - I didn't put those things out there.

but the music is kinda freaky.

Sylvia is oviparous. Her belly is all full up on eggs right now, though, and she has begun scratching around for a good nest. i need to start misting a patch of sand for her to drop on. The male (Mickey) hasn't been doing great. He's an odd eater -- not exactly picky, but moody. He'll eat anything I feed them, but not every time. Currently he is quite skinny, and even his tail is grooved (the tail is where they store their fat.)

I've been buying wax worms, which are very fatty, both to help bulk Mickey, and to help bulk Sylvia (to aid in her pregnancy.) Sylvia no longer will take food from my hand (perhaps because of hormones, but who can really ever tell.) Mickey never did, and lately just seems to like to push the wax worms about with his nose. Wax worms look like maggots.

I haven't noticed a color change in Sylvia. She's pretty much just grey, with a white and black band around her neck. Mickey has yellows and oranges.

is she crotaphytus collaris, or insularis?

the best thing about herps is that when they are born, oviparous or viviparous, they are exact replicas of their parents. everything is there, only tiny.

my field guide says your lizards are fiesty but breed readily. sorabjites, eh?

probably hallucinating, because I thouhgt I saw on the Headline NEws ticker today that Berkely annouced Tinky-Winky will be a grand marshall in some parade their having. (I'm pretty certain it wasn't Gay Pride, though)

bootyschwagg.

now that i think about it, i've never tried a Zima before. i'm not even sure what it is. but my general rule is... something named Zima that needs to be marketed so heavily and so stupidly is probably not something i want to purchase, let alone put inside my body.

the milk-drinker and i are up for date number 3 tonight. i haven't been dumped yet, so this is a good sign. i'll have to ask him if he drinks Zima. i still don't get the milk thing, but hey, it's only date #3. we're going to see SLAM and then we will hike up to the top of Diamond Head at midnight and set up his telescope...

oh man. i'm really going to try to not do anything stupid this time.

[email protected]

not working.

not working and drinking tea.

hurrying through this to get it all down before they squelch my internet access. The FBI and their cohorts are everywhere, looking and asking and frightening the horses with their vehicles overhead and underfoot. Remember the chicken-killing Nazi? With whom I had a brief business relationship this time last year, pandering to the tourists on the way to Yosemite who need cheeseburgers, and need them now? The Federales went in the shop down in the village and asked her for her name, age, height and weight and social security number. Apparently they had not stopped to read the numerous issues of The Spotlight she keeps lying around the place to enlighten the folks who drop in, or they would have known she would lawyer up in a second. Now I'm sure she is on their List of Lists, if she wasn't already.

In the saloon and the cafe, it started as a murmur and is now a shout: Get out of our town!!! We're sorry those women disappeared, but we don't really really care, and if you continue to frighten the horses you'll wish you had never seen our little fork in the road. It was ok as long as it was just the locals out in the forest searching, but FBI, asking for SS#s...not in our neck of the woods. Not now not ever. It's on the telly constantly, everyone knows if they are lost they won't be found, there is speculation vis a vis the husband, and well, I own a hound dog who can really scent and there is a reward of $250K out there.

It's a hoot, all these survivalist-Republicans, seeing their tax dollars at work and unable to do a thing about it. After poking around here for just a few minutes, I am sure the Village will generate a ton in information in their x-files.

Mr. Lame Duck, who has all this time been living in the bathtub (shower environment, as they call it at Home Depot) went outside for some supervised recreation with his two girls. The guy can hardly waddle, he tips over at the slightest pebble or slick patch and can't right himself, yet the first thing he did was jump (okay, fall) into the pool and call the hens to him. They immediately responded and started quacking Me First, No, Me First, etc. It quickly developed into a thrashing fuckfest, with the girls unable to wait for him and doing each other. Now I am beginning to suspect that his original complaint arose from overstimulation.

Twerp swims through the orgy, oblivious to everything except his pursuit of some little frogs. Since the Frog Incident, he is a determined carnivore/hunter.

I'm serious about their interference. Ever since they established HQ nearby (nearby meaning within fifty miles) the phone have been strange. I'm going out to check on LD and the girls. I think I'll bring him back in tonight, so he doesn't overdo on his first day. My girlfriend who has lots and lots of different kinds of ducks says they are so horny she can't turn on the kitchen faucet without starting a sexual frenzy outside. You can imagine what happens when it rains, as it will do tomorrow.

If Hound Dog can find the feathers of the recently abducted bird two miles away, as he did yesterday, three dead women should be a snap. I'll collect the reward, get more better computer stuff, and send the rest to PETA. Unless Sorabji needs a Steinway, that is.

2/26/99, 7:04 PM
blindswine is:

jazzyphatnasty

Telling Sheila to send out the hoounnnds!
If you're dog can scent that well/for 250k it's worth the distraction from the duckfest orgy. (And what precisely is the name of your little hamlet? In case it pops up on CNN.)

Then again/if yr dog actually finds the bodies/the FBI will never leave you alone. They'll wanna quarantine the dog as a material witness after the fact... then Ken Starr will subpoena him/ wanting to know
whether or not he's known Buddy & what
they did together on the White House lawn... It cd get ugly.

wondering why "artistic reasons" isn't a good reason for lying between the big towers on the World Trade Center Plaza...
i spent about 90 twisted mimutes lying between those towers tonight listening to "Things Fall Apart" and wondering where the hell america will end up in the 21st century... the bikini bar morphed into that blues bar in the village into the ace in the east village then back to the 101 until i ditched everything to lie between the big towers and get some peace of mind.... but it wasn't really peace... the view between the towers is more like some kind of eldritch horror than anything else... they're just too fucking big... i'm almost too wasted to type right now, but i remember wanting to have a minirecorder to to tape my thoughts looking up at the never ending ugly madness of the WTC's... holyjesusmotherofgod...tonight was the first time i stretched myself out between those two fucking things...even lovecraft couldn't have imagined that bizarre shit....
i'll have to talk mark into posting a digital view of that shit...
goddamn...
they're just too fucking big...

visualizing the swine recumbent.

nice horsie, but the bridle is so wrong, what were they thinking.

the crocuses (croci) popped open today. i wish i had that man with the Nikon here to capture it.

going to construct some kind of outrigger/catamaran for Lame Duck. The poor guy, the girls use him and cast him aside, not even bothering to stand him up when he rolls over on his back.

I have in mind a device that will keep his feet under him yet allow freedom of movement. It will, of course, be his Web Site.

2/27/99, 2:31 PM
margret is:

Ouch. Sheila, that was....LAME. So, what are you thinking, maybe some nice mosquito netting stretched between two 2 liter plastic bottles of air? Won't the hens capsize him within seconds? You could offer the hound to the FBI, but they'll prolly wanna go with trained Search and Rescue Government-Supportive fascism-bred-in-their-DNA dogs. You know, if the dog found the bodies and got the $, couldn't you just...keep it? I mean, give some to Peta and all...but think of the critters you could interact with personally for that kinda blood money. Are you sure they're dead?

[email protected]

not sorry that he hasn't
seen that zima ad.

and not surprised either.
Sometimes I watch
horrible ads or look at
displays in liquor stores
or stare at posters in
the subway and think
"this is what i do. this
is what earns my keep".
It is very very perverse
indeed.
My girlfriend (sort of
these days) can't believe
how much people will pay
to have somebody come up
with this shit. She
waitresses and probably
works much harder than
anyone I know in
advertising. On the
girlfriend note, she
seems to think she can
find a studio in
manhattan for $500 a
month. I think she thinks
it's 1994. It's weird.
She keeps talking about
moving out which probably
will be good (at least
i'll finally get to play
more music till late
hours again) but if she
refuses to get a roomate
or consider Brooklyn we
may be living together
for quite a while longer.
Unless she's planning to
get adopted by a sickly
old woman with rent
control.
They test marketed Zima
in Syracuse when I was in
school there. 7-Up that
gets you fucked up. And
makes you throw up. I'm
actually surprised they
still make the stuff. I
bet my 15 year old
cousins probably love the
stuff. Did some work on a
wine cooler recently. It
actually contains traces
of antifreeze, but
according to the company
it was proven not to
contain significant
amounts and therefore is
not harmful. Whatever.
I'll just stick to glue
sniffing then.
Thankfully, the agency
did not win the business.

Swine - what's up with yr
kybrd situation?

Off to an evening of live
electronic music at
Planet 28 on 28th & 7th.
Sources say it should be
quite an event. We'll
see. Tomorrow I have to
be at work in CT at 9am.
Let 'em show you the
money swine, but beware.
It can definitely put a
cramp on your style.

Sheila - maybe you should
take some

[email protected]

Sheila - maybe you should
take some surveillance
shots of the FBI and send
'em to Mark for the front
page.

[email protected]

Went up to Calumet last night on a "dirty tour" - cruising the locals bars-
Caught a couple of cover bands and their drunken entourages. We left one bar after we yelled "Play Crazy Train!" and they did. The next bar we entered had a band, and the first song they played after we got there was "Crazy Train."

PLUS, get this, the guys in the first band were drinking Zima.

I am not making this up.

Plus, they had cup holders that looked like they cost $30 a pop attached to their mic stands. Wow.

Drove hom ein the thick fog, listening to a mix tape I made when I was sixteen, full of the Dead Milkmen and the Ramones.

Moving slow today.

a soul survivor.

listening to the hour of slack while scanning profiles of holes we dug last summer.