Pining for the love of Nate. He stole me heart the moment I saw the outline of his flesh puppet in his pants. His intelligence is beyond reason and has captivated my every waking thought.
Nate
pleasure me please.
I cherish you.

wondering what intelligence beyond reason is

eating cosmic fungi and watching the workings of a blind idiot god.

feeling intelligent beyond reason. Nobody should be this intelligent. It's unsafe.

Also, I just went to a play called Forever Plaid. A musical. Very funny. I laughed.

RC, just for the record, I'm in a lovely and wonderful relationship... But then, maybe I don't count. I'm too distracted to maintain my "regular" status for more than a few weeks.

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http://marvin.smoothness.org

Grateful that T-Bone is happy in love. You deserve it. ;) (And someone here just oughta be happy...)

And warning y'all for THE LAST TIME that Nate is spoken for thankyouverymuch!

Yes/he is brilliant. That's why I chose Him. Or rather/was chosen to submit myself as one ofthe Vestial Virgins/to be chosen by Him. But he's MINE til the Summer Solstice!
Then Ridin has dibs/if her foot is healed by then. So Backdafuckup!

Oh my god, there's a queue for Nate? Where do I get my number? No, wait, I remember...Nate is too young for me. Never mind. Sigh. Mark, however, isn't.

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Looking for a new job.. a new career... im only 19 too many pressures... i dont know how to do anything... everything seems to complex apart from my boring job now. My boss is a jerk that dosnt think hes ever wrong... makes me feel like shit. Im only with my boyfriend because i have no other friends no other life. i dont think i even love him.

this is life?

checking to see who else is up at 5:00 a.m. my time, and noticing that it is mostly women in line for Nate and/or Mark.


i really got up two hours ago to investigate a goose-ralated disturbance, only to interrupt one of their moonlit nude swin and fuck tests. i have to admit they were being discreet, which is what made me suspicious in the first place. it is, except for them, very still and bright, with the full moon not yet set.

later this morning i will plant some Dahlias that my niece sent me. They came in individual little "beds" and each one has a name, not its latin name, but its personal name. They will be my way of increasing and nurturing the Franke Family for future generations. I expect to see one of my other nieces, Susan the Lovely, in the not too distant future, when I am afraid we will all be attending the final rituals for her Grandma.

this is the perfect time of night/day. i must go outside before sunrise, when the Oriole family begins building activity. I'll take the Treeing Walker, in case there are bears. there will be applesauce and lots of pies this fall. the trees are loaded with blossoms. I planted Merlot yesterday. i hope the deer find it amusing, yet not too pretentious.

bad kung fu.
very, very bad kung fu.

getting up and getting ready to go to the roots & culture reggae jam in the east village later this afternoon.

practice the Bumbaklot Grip.
raggamuffin style.

finished with ham on rye. no mention of ham on rye in the whole book. just on it.

misogyny, like any of my strong feelings of hate and disgust, only comes when my emotions attempt to overwhelm my compassion. in these extreme and short lived times i try to spread my evil over as many people as possible, so that i do not have to acknowledge the personal side of that which has upset me.

many of my good friends are women. i've noticed, in my experience, that many of my women friends have better relationships with males than females. it seems easier to find a man who is quick to forgive, who is quick to listen, and who is slow to pass judgement. perhaps it is just that i try to be that man, and i attract male friends of similar disposition. i find women like to tell me their secrets.

i love the individual too much for faith in generalities. i wish everyone had my good qualities.

i'm glad so few have my bad qualities.

sarah - a sincere hatred of women would allow me to overcome one of my biggest gripes with the catholic church. that is all i meant. i'll never go back.

makes sense nateness.


also, i think it's *necessary* to see people as individuals rather than a category. you diminish your own humanity if you don't.


i've been spending a fair amount of time with the milk drinker for the past two months, and he consistently fails to fall into categories. and for that i am so grateful. we get along great.

and even if it doesn't work out forever with him, at least he's taught me not to fear men anymore, or rather, not to fear how i feel. i've even been loyal and truthful and open. amazing. he brings out the best in me. he even pretends to enjoy listening to me play guitar.


but no matter, i have more love in me now than i've had in a long time. how can that ever be a bad thing?

Picturing a young Nate in those little altar boy outfits...
(giggle!) Lapsed Catholics are always the most interesting ex-believers. And usually the most adventurous btwn the sheets.... heheh.

And GLAD for Sarah & the milk drinker!
That makes 2 happy couples @ Sorabji. Yeahhh! (Altho' I am hoping Swine & Stephanie are still going strong. Are the any news there, Swine?)

Fixin' ta go borrow a roasting pan & do up this bird for dinner.
Are you coming for dinner, Nate? It's too big a bird for me to finish alone.

i'm happy, too! dammit.

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sighing

Pearl Jam's "Release" always puts me in a sighing mood

i can't sing, but sometimes it just makes me want to yell "whohhh" along with it

been one of those days. no, weeks. no--semesters when the tide rips over my head and i don't feel like fighting it.

just sit here and watch it break

i'll ride the wave where it takes me

Happiness is good. But I suppose that's nothing new to anyone. I'd also like to say that illness is bad. So is staying in a dead relationship, freakette.

I think the transition from Catholic to Athiest is the easiest of all faith-shifts. It sure was for me. Actually, athiest is an oversimplification for my skewed set of cosmic perseptions and such... but that's another story for another day.

I'm trying despirately to find a way to not go home for the summer. Let's hope IBM thinks I'd be a good help-desker.

[email protected]
http://marvin.smoothness.org

sitting here astounded at all of this.

just think.

sitting back and chilling to the permaphat groove of the low end theory. i've been loving this for over five years now... can't even see it moving out of the rotation.

i met one of the most captivating women i've talked to in months at the roots and culture groove tonight... captivating in that essentially soul-based visceral way that no quantity or quality of funky hot flesh could ever compare to. granted, she had all that, but what goes on in her head almost completely obscures the fine gift she was graced with at birth.

she does a lot of graphic design... that conversation ended up on the subject of the validity of internet-based communities. my approach is pretty straight-forward: i'm almost always connected, so bitching, babbling, bumming, and boasting is only a keystroke away... and much more humane than doing it in person. anyone who doesn't want to read all that obnoxious output can just ignore it by a simple click of a mouse. for all the traffic i put on these servers, i don't take any of it anywhere near as seriously as i do my real life interactions...
the way she spoke of people becoming so fully
submerged in this thing that so many of us do remnded me of this site, and all the emotional exchange that goes on. as far as she's concerned, it's just a psychological crutch. i'm interested in hearing what people around here thhink about that, and how many feel like they're hobbling around on cyber-crutches.
maybe i'll start a thread.

Thinking that my exchanges at this place are just as valid & meaningful & silly & irreverent as any conversations I wd have f-2-f or on the phone in real life.
Becuz I'm not that much dirrerent in pixels than I am in person. If you present yrself & yr opinions as you & they are/how can it not be legit? And folks in the real world can certainly be all abt scheming & fronting/as much as on the Internet.

The difference here is that I get to interact w/all kindsa folks I might never get to meet in real life. Which makes it somewhat more interesting than real life. Esp. since any topic can be brought up for discussions at any time. Try that shit in the real world!

But maybe you shd start a thread/ Swineness.

telecommuting butt-nekkid from my living room couch.

goddamn i love technology.

finally finished recording last night. I was in the studio from 1pm to 8:30pm.

Speaking of Reggae, Swine and all, THere's going to be a reggae fest here in the lovely Upper PEninsula of Michigan Sept. 4th. No big names aside from Sugar Minott have signed on yet, but there will be tons of bands and camping. IT's at teh BAraga State Park in Baraga, MI, on the Keweenaw Bay Indian Reservation. IF anyone likes gambling, they've got a casino, and if anyone likes nature, we've got that coming out our collective asses. The festival is called Reggae on the Rez, and it should be really cool. I am definately coming back here for that!

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apparently, according to the posts of the last 24 hours, living in the collective best of all worlds: happily married to a lapsed-catholic graphic designer and living on an Indian reservation. Wow.

I have to drive to Splkane this afternoon. No connection to any of the above, just a work thang.

unfortunately not butt-nekkid, though.

by splkane, do you mean, spokane? not trying to be sarcastic, it's just that i live in washington state, you know. i'm always pleased to find out somebody lives near me, in the broad scheme of things like that.

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was born in Marquette.


mmmmmm pasties.

Holy Wah! Cripes, der are two yoopers on dis page den, eh?

(translation: My Goodness? [no english word applicable, an expression of amazement or mild disgust], There are two natives of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan on this page then, do you agree?)

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Dear R.C.
Nate is forever my man. I plan to lure Nate into my bedroom through a suggestive game of "Wet Willy". When his defences are down and his level of arousal is on auto-pilot I will pillage the sanctity of his most private device. He is all man and all mine. Nate's gargantuan hog will rip through the tattered remnants of his alter boy outfit and violate my nether regions.
It will be obscenely beautiful.

Just wait til after the summer solstice/or I'm warning you -- the fertility gods well be very displeased.

(Do I see Nate blushing? Aww...)

And what's Wet Willy?

not blushing.

i'm wiping spoiled civilizations from my torso.

qoute of the day:

"the whole american culture is nothing but a big asshole machine...
motherfucker spits 'em out by the milions. "

Mark's office appears to be haunted

typed out. I spent most of my day creating a resume. It's beautiful. I really wish I could send a paper copy so that I know it will come out right. But I have to trust that two versions of Word will read the same file the same way. Scary.

[email protected]
http://marvin.smoothness.org

mostly taking back everything i say

Wondering if the Aliens finally came for Mark. (That monitor looks like it's abt to explode!)

And wondering when Swine is coming back.

picking up his sword and agreeing to battle the mighty Cory and the formidable R.C. for Nate's torso of death.

My civilization is ready to be wiped out.

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Fantasizing about NAte's python. WHich can only be tamed by one.
Me.

Fantasizing about Nate's razor sharp prose. The whole word becomes grist for the mill of his pulverizing intellect.

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printing my thesis. Ran out of paper once, the damn thing is 200 pages long. Seems to be going good. Wondering how one can be sexually obsessed with someone they only know by words on a screen. Intellectually obsessed, I can understand. Maybe I have beena funky monk for too long. Maybe not long enough.

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I, uh, in all honesty have never had a sexual obsession in my life. But I am promiscuous in my intellectual obsessions. You know, I really like hearing what other people think, and occasionally engaging them in repartee.

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does that make nate the intellectual Dirk Diggler of the cyber world?
if so, let me know this:
is that thing real or are you sporting the prosthesis?

the people have a right to know.

dreaming of taking Nate's spoiled civilizations in my mouth.
I'd be satisfied with licking them off of his belly as well.
On your mark....
get set....
swallow.

Well, not to be all trampy about it but Nate isn't the only one starring in my intellectual blue movie. Nate's just a young "up and comer" as it were.

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I'm trying desperatly to get the RHCP's song "Funky Monks" out of my head.... thanks Semillama.
I'm also wondering what a strange thing love is, and questioning its existence. I never used to, but now I'm not sure. The world may have jaded me.
But back to the song... it does have a nice beat to it.

wishing I never left, thankful I've come back. on the verge of huge life change, yet finding it hard to live in the NOW. how can I live the NOW and think about the NEXT, but not live the NEXT until it is the NOW? I have a headache...

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www.lanset.com/tonic/kukoho.htm

only able to read

NOW NOW NEXT NEXT NOW.

Thinking what a great year this will be for music:
new albums by the RHCP, Ministry, The BReeders, Mojo Nixon, Chris Cornell, NIN...

[email protected]

100% down with the oompa loompa liberation movement.

and interested to see what chris cornell does on his solo project.
that boy comes up with some powerful imagery in his lyrics.
it'll probably be the only "rock" album i buy this year.

now.
if there wasn't a next, we wouldn't know that now is now.
we only know about the next because there's been a then.
memory is at the root of consciousness and don't let anybody tell you different

Pretending that Nate loves me.
I am also washing my hands. I ate a fish burrito and spilled the mystery sauce all over my hands. I will keep washing until it is gone. washing.....washing....washing......washing....gone

Happy to be home. Came home last night from NY. 4 days in Wurtsboro/ Middletown NY was plenty long enough. Was supposed to stay 'till this Sunday but Mommy Dearest and I cant get along for shit so I took the first available flight the hell outta there.

After 1 year in this house, I finally bought my first home so we're moving in 3 weeks. Bought a really nice home on Holiday Lake..inground pool...big yard...private boat launch..I like it alot.

Time for NYPD Blue.

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jumping for joy that Danipoo is back and now has a house with a POOOOOOOOOL!!!!

I fucking know where I'm casting MY vote for Sorabjivention 99!!!!

woooooHOOOOO!

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my goddamn3ed k3eyboard is brok3en. 4this is s3erio6usly f6uck3ed 6up.

trying to figure out my dad's computer problem.

he's got a powermac 8500 running system 8.0 and after installing Acrobat Reader over the weekend, whenever he tries to print he gets an unknown error 192.

if any of you folks have a clue, please drop me some mail. i've got a ton of monthly reports to finish and can't deal with it right now.

just typing that reminds me of that Harry Chapin song...
"Cat's in the Cradle"

i guess i can finish the reports tomorrow.

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back from splkane (yes, agatha, I mean spokane. but only the tourists refer to it by that name). I'm always happy to know that other pacific nor'westers are about!! Three or five times a year I try to crawl out of my lair way out here in the boonies and visit civilization, usually portland, seattle or splkane. Aand whenever I do I liberate as much microbrew as possible. As usual I managed to smuggle a case of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale past the border guards.

Today I had lunch at the Big Horn brewery. Dungeness crab and avocado heart sandwich. I drank a wonderful brown ale whose label has a picture of two great rams smashing their heads together fiercely, face to face. Very regal. It's called Butt-Face Amber. It was very hard to leave without buying a T-shirt, but I managed to anyway. My kids would have been hysterical with their dad walking around in a "Butt-Face" shirt.

Tonight was my coaching debut with the 11-12 year old Major League Cardinals. It's going to be a great season.

wondering where simon lives.

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Wondering why all you people visit this "Forbidden" site.

Wired from a night of no sleep and writing six HUGE papers. I have an exam in an hour and then I'm finished!!!! Bar, here I come!

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Wired from a night of no sleep and writing six HUGE papers. I have an exam in an hour and then I'm finished!!!! Bar, here I come!

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Surfing the web at work. And wondering this place looks so defferent on Netscape. I can barely make out the Officecam image..? My lowly AOL browser at home give me much better images than shit crap!

waiting to use the other computer. I see my colleague's program on it but he's no where to be found. Soon, it will be time for a pasty.

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reminding everyone that The ERRORS of a wiseman, make The RULES for a fool.

http://hometown.aol.com/DJCPDG