recovering.

last night i meandered down to the local mountain people bar. Malone's Pub and Grub. "If you're not between the M and the E, you're Alone." my neighbor made that slogan up.

it was my first time in this bar. i armed myself. nothing better than drinking with the comforting weight of a weapon concealed on your body.

i've always been a cash only barfly in the past. i figure, you can't go too overboard if you only have so much to spend. last night i slapped a credit card on the bar and told the bartender to start me a tab. she was more than happy to.

i realized later that i had made a mistake when i signed a $60 credit slip. money hasn't been an issue for me for a while now; the mistake was in what $60 will get you at a dirty little mountain bar.

driving to work this morning was a little odd. i still made it here before 7:30am.

my waking dream had me stuck in another mountain town somewhere else. i was eating with a large group of people on some public patio.

my waking dreams are usually serial, in 9 minute episodes. my alarm goes off every 9 minutes until i get out of bed.

in the first episode i meet the CEO of a small local software company. she's 20 or so, with large breasts.

in the second episode i realize my parents have abandoned me in this mountain town. i am warned by a variety of people to stay away from CEO woman.

in the third episode the CEO woman now claims to be 19. she tells me she makes half a million a year. she shows me her breasts and removes her underwear from under her skirt. before i can stop her, someone interupts.

in the fourth episode i learn she is 18. everyone in the town works for her. i see her, but she looks different.

i wake up, drink my water and take my B-complex. i discuss the dream with my cat and we come to the conclusion that there are only three things important to me.

sex, money and power.

all this time i had myself pegged as different than the other guys.

needless to say, my cat is very disappointed in me.

i am attending wordperfect class with a couple of other people from the office, who are a little slower than me, soi have time, and probably will have time, all morning to foolaround in sorabjiland.

drinking pepsi, designing webpages

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Getting on the good foot!!!

wait, allow me to correct that. Wisper is :
designing webpages, drinking pepsi and being pretty damn pissed off at the corporate drones who she's contracted to. They have some Net-Nanny-esq thing set up that won't allow me to get to redmeat.com
I can't work under these conditions.

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"when a woman gets in trouble
everybody throws her down.
lookin' for her good friends;
none can be found.

you better come
on in my kitchen
cuz it's gon' to be rainin' outdoors."

-robert johnson

Waiting to see what interesting things Dave and Tim might have to say.....

I am thinking Phil is a real slut

I'm thinking that Phil's Pimp may be right about Phil being a real slut.

more than slightly disturbed that the story silent bob tells when he finally speaks is so painfully familiar.
i knew i should've never rented that movie.
she was like kyptonite.

this train of thought will force me to drink heavily...

Uh, Swine, I think at some point we all Chase Amy.

[email protected]

stop saying that name.

this is a jose cuervo moment.

ruthlessly getting rid of stuff. three days to sort it, stack it, torch it, give it away. no saving, no recycling, out with it all.

having had a taste of being online while ostensibly at work, i am now tortured each minute i cannot have it. how do you guys accomplish anything when sorabjiland is immediately available?

yesterday after WP school (a complete waste of my time and their money), i went to some garage sales and ended up having lunch in a 60s style diner where they play oldies constantly. during my veggieburger, i heard the New Christy Minstrels singing "Green Green" and thought not only do i remember that, but one of those guys is taking me flying over Jupiter in three days. i am still dazzled by being with someone who actually knew and sang with The Byrds, Dylan, The Mamas and Papas, all those folky heroes of yesteryear. of course now he mainly talks about how his daughter is on the honor roll since the third grade, blah blah. then i think, "these people probably feel like their Grandma is admiring Lawrence Welk, how pathetic." oh to be in my eighties once more, the nineties are killing me.

the peonies pop today. when it's time it's time, although i really wanted them to hold off until Tuesday.

people keep warning us about being shot down over the yurts, and they are serious. after the Yosemite murders, you all know who lives around here. a few nights ago we rescured some boy who had come up to see the sunset and his car broke down; all the time i thought he could be a baby-faced killer, we don't know. but he was just a boy, happy to be rescued. this crap has made me not just more alert, but more afraid, and i hate that. but it would be stupid to think it could never happen to me. i already know that anything can happen to me.

panicking. i have ten days until my show. so very much to do. last night, i was up with the middle of the night rush of unwelcome thought phenomenon. i just wanted to go to sleep, i ended up writing in my journal and outlining what i need to get done each and every day of this next week. also, my good friend arrives tomorrow for two weeks, she will be staying here with her one year old daughter cyan and her dog ivar. i want to have enough time to spend with her. i am ripping at the seams. it may get ugly if i pop. look out.

on the up side, it is really beautiful out today. and, it is technically a three day weekend.

[email protected]

in love again.
deeply, passionately, permanently.
she moves me in ways that no one else has ever moved me before.
nothing, and i do mean *nothing* will ever separate us.
ever.
goddamn i love this analog-style digital synth gear.
and she's pretty, too. all sparkly blue and silver with those sexy little real-time control knobs.
this is the best relationship i've had in years.

digital technology is a truly beautiful thing.


agatha, good luck with your show.

let me know how it goes.

laughing hysterically!

zooted.
drunken.
wasted.
ripped.
plastered.
open.
faced.
liqoured.
polluted.
convoluted
s'phied.
budsied.
twenty-twentied.
mad-dogged.
zointed.
forty-fortfiied.
buh-zooted.
smooth.
smooth.
smooth.

suckas.

mothra is the badass.

v. thinks that in-vetero babies are a good thing because some of us are too $&$#*^@# to ever father a child, but would be great genetic donors, anyway...

i leep trying to tell him he's wrong, but that kid just don't listen....

beer

tah
kill
ya.

i
lost
all
my
la
priv....

remembering that she has a 3" disk of sorabji.com t-shirt designs in her purse.....but is too damn lazy to run upstairs and get it.







Damn I'm lazy.

[email protected]

in such a world, v. would be auctioning off his precious zygotes to the highest bidder. designer spermatazoa. very expensive, expensive enough so that he could then have enough $$$ to put a deposit in the bank of his choice.

make sure i am on the mailing list, please.

swallowing and swallowing, trying to get my ears to "pop" so i can hear again and stop hurting so i can go to bed and sleep sleep sleep.

remembering how enchantingly cool it was, taking off from O'Hare on a clear night with a full moon, all the lights like a sci-fi movie, then seeing the backs of clouds in bas-relief, and trying to tell myself it was worth it.

reading old posts and
thinking about my ex.

it's amazing how one
person can swing back and
forth between meaning the
world to you and meaning
next to nothing.

I wonder what I'll look
like when i'm 50.

I don't want to find out
for a long time though.

my bed makes faces at me
but i'm avoiding it.

the cardboard boxes in
the corner leer at me.

my boots stand between
us, they seem to separate
the room. I'm thankful
for their presence. they
seem almost placed there.

4:30 am
stoned
tired
hungry
not ready

The way I like it is the way it is. I got mine; don't worry about his.

piece by piece, part by part, the Bad Lois' dead cow is being reassembled on my defensible green space. anatomically speaking, as Edna would say, it is a jumble. if i break the mower on a hoof, she's paying for it!

and, the real James B. would put it ALL IN CAPS.

I used to discuss stealing J. Mascis' sperm with my friend Hope. We didn't have a recovery plan, but we were pretty damned sure we would have a market if we could get several servings.

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wondering how the move went, Danipoo?

[email protected]

Gimme some more!!!

All moved in Jimbabe! The tile is going in the kitchen and bathrooms this afternoon..then I can get that shit in order.

Phones went on this morning. Cable is on, power is on, everything is slowly coming together honey! Things ok with you?

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loudly and profanely cursing technology.

Help Desk, my ass. More like Ignore Desk. Bah!

......lost in the beauty of The ever-loving internet! The Web makes anything POSSIBLE ...

djcpdg

patching the keyboard and synthesizer through the stereo and trying to get cakewalk to see my cs2x through sheer willpower.
dammit.
i've got so many cords running across the floor and up the walls of this apartmemt that if i tripped over one of them i'd end up accidentally lynching myself with another.

the other night i synthesized a hendrix guitar sound that was right on the money. used it as the driving force behind "stungunlove".
two days and three trips to sam ash later, i'm still trying to get this laptop to communicate with the synthesizer so i can lay the track down.

all the extra hardware i've had to get for this laptop to be midi-compatible is making me want to dust off the powermac and get back on the applewagon.

dammit.

digital music production gear.

love of my life and the biggest pain in my ass.

i need a beer.

wondering who is "laying" Danipoo's tile. Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge, Say no more Say no more.

heh.

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Don't fall on the ground!!!

You got to get

Down

Down

Down

Down

Down!!!

re-calibrating the system.

fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck

fuck

fuckfuck
fuck
fuck
fuck

Wondering where Sarah is when I need her. For those of you who may have wondered, I am a bad, bad person. Sarah, the meatmobile is acting up! I think the brain may have started it but the meatmobile has spun out of control! Sarah...!

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oh-so-lucky to be married to a floor man Jimbabe...hubby does all my floors. BUT...there is a couple guys that do installations for him and lemme tell ya honey...I'll say no more!

[email protected]

debating whether to take the trip into PA later today or not. i was supposed to head out on monday, but i couldn't rip myself away from the new gear. now it's thursday, and my mom and dad are barking up my tree about returning to the homestead.
i guess i oughtta go. they're going to be taking off out of the country soon and i won't get to see them for a while. besides that, i really should get the hell out of this apartment. i've been on vacation since last thursday and have only left to go out to pick up gear for the new synth, beer to feed the beast, kaya to inspire, and sooki-sooki for distraction.
the sooki-sooki was bad kung fu.
phone keeps ringing but i have nothing to say.
thank god for caller id.

so maybe i should get out of town for a few days...

but i'm taking the cs2x with me.

I'm a lover!

I love to do my thing!

And I don't need no one else!!!

Sometimes I feel so nice

GOOD GOD!!!

I jump back

I wanna kiss myself!!!

meatmobile is now in my vocabulary as a synonym of cunt.

if this is not as intended, too bad.

caller id. ditto.

where the hell are you ?

are you knocking off and having a long lunch ?

must be nice

Catching up.

And wondering when my right ear is gonna finally pop. S'been more than 34 hrs. since I landed.

NY was hot. Nearly as hot as here. And the pre-wedding running around was extremely stressful. (Note to self: If you ever get married /elope. Go off on a 6 wk. honeymoon/& have a feast-cum- reception afterwards.)
But the ceremony came off right nice.
And I got to sepnd time w/my girl in BKlyn/whose housemate is a pisser.

Thinking that I'm the only person in America w/out Caller I.D. But I refuse to pay $7.00/month for something my answering machine does for free. Fuck 'em if they don't leave a message!

Came home to find New Furniture in the crib! The Parental Units went out & bought me the rattan- &-wrought-iron baker's rack that matches my dining rm. chairs while I was gone (it was on sale). Obstensibly to use as a china closet. (As if I owned any china.) Still/t'was a nice surprise. Six likes to climb up & perch herself on it.

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Pentition . . .

i forgot to wear shoes today. i wasn't really in a hurry to leave this morning and actually had time for a cup of coffee before heading to the office. but here i sit with no shoes on. lucky i don't have any meetings today.


a little dionystic indulgence of the meatmobile is rarely a bad thing. let go, ride it out, have fun, trust your instincts, say what you mean, prepare for consequences. pay attention to that sensation coming out of your sternum and you'll be just fine.


ashes ashes, we all fall down.

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No, the meatmobile hasn't actually been allowed to do anything (Nate, btw, it's what I call my body). But it's actively lobbying for attention. Illicit attention.

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Telling Margret to go for it. But use Condoms. And safeguard yr heart.

Sometimes/the Meatmobile overtakes the Mind it was designed to carry. The only cure is to shut down yr cerebrum/open up the cage & let the wolves run free & raunchy.

[But no cryin' in yr cornflakes if he doesn't call the next day!]

Imagine my surprise!

Because I have a real job and a real life and cannot be on the net 24-7 I can't adequatley defend myself and my admittedly silly antics against those self-important moral crusaders who have seen fit to skewer me for relatively minor infractions of protocol. It's a shame really because some of you seemed kind of cool but fuck it, I don't need your acceptance and I surely don't need your stupidass criticism. Who the fuck are you and what do you do to earn the right to judge me? You suck!

So, as I am sure you will rejoice to hear, this is it for me. No more Therrien to shame. Have a nice life, if you get one. Go fuck yourselves, and use lots of the yellow stuff.

I piss in your pancake batter.

R.I.P. Junior Braithwaite

Jamming in Heaven with Bob and Peter.

The meatmobile will remain in the mind over meat drydock until such time as the illicit temptation could be a licit option. I do not do illicit. Please refer to the "can't believe you broke my heart" thread current thematic. Can't get a new mechanic when you have a mechanic who wants to work on retainer. Fuck!

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Still trying to figure out who Therrien even is. Dont recall ever seeing the name. Not that I pay much attention though. I guess he/she shoulda realized that when you post on this page, be prepared to meet a whole bunch of "Gods." Toughen up, you'll get used to it. Especially when you find out that everyone here is just like you. Normal, judgemental, everyday people. Not to bad all in all. Besides, it's much more fun to play. A nice little conflict here and there keeps things amusing. For me, anyway.

Just please dont piss in my Cheerios.

[email protected]

without coffee.

Looks like therrien is/was james b. hit me.

Trying to make an appointment to get the bad ovary seen. And maybe while I'm there I can pick up a scrip for some of them fancy oral contraceptives. Which I will, of course, use only in conjuntion with condoms.

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wondering why margert would refer to her whole body as a cunt?

wishing nate would stop throwing out the c word. makes me cringe. stop it, nate, stop!

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nothing.
shit-all nothing.
for the 4 hours I've been at work, I've done a 1/2 hour of WORK. sweet sorabji.com..... oh well, fuck the hyperlinks, the format they chose is ugly anyways. "hired you because of your art background" my ass. dark grey headings on light grey backgrounds JUST DON'T WORK.

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sorry agatha.

for aminute i thought 'boy, do we have proof that women are the weaker sex because they let a simple word effect them so?"

but then i remembered things like "nuts slowly crushed by pliers" and "[prostate |testicular] cancer"

so nevermind.

Does twat bother anyone? I like the C word, but I like to say dumb twat (about both men and women) and I like Agatha so I don't wanna upset her and I've got to have my coprolalia. So how about twat?

[email protected]

checking company e-mail for the first time in a while. over 80 new e-mails. *$#&$# pain in the ass.
included was one of those "getting to know you" e-mails from one of my tech guys. it's one of those spam things where you're supposed to pump in all your personal information and shoot it out to everyone you know.

i still can't figure out why people keep insisting on sending me this shit:

Name given at birth
**** ***** Scar***** (Too Biblical for my tastes)

Nicknames
Scrappy, Stoney, and sometimes Asshole =)

Favorite Words
Alas, Eggplant, Sector, Vector (much cooler than a 2D sector), pheonix

Hometown
Staten Island, NY (Hold your apologies)

Current Residence
Whirlpool box on the corner of Houston and 8th. Really�Staten Island, NY (Again..hold the apologies)

Croutons or Bacon Bits
Bacon Bits, without a doubt. Something that tastes like hard, stale garlic bread is not at all appealing to me.

Favorite Salad Dressing
I don't eat salad. Vegetable Rights Activist, you know.

Shampoo or Conditioner:
Shampoo. Conditioner is good for stupid sex jokes while showering with your girlfriend.

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
Hasn't everyone? (I'll leave Ian's answer)

Do you make fun of people
The question is�Am I nice to people? >=)

Favorite Color
It's a toss up between Black(not actually a color), red, purple, and blue.

Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
I'll take the 5th here.

One pillow or two, cotton or feather
Two�and it doesn't really matter.

Pets
Are we speaking of those little furry things that I like to beat!?

Favorite Music/Songs'
Entombed, Morbid Angel, Deicide, Malevolent Creation, Hypocrisy, Immortal, BURSOM (Count Grisnacht rules), Incantation, EyeHateGod, Atrocity, Mercyful Fate, King Diamond, Possessed, Slayer( I think they suck now, but that's besides the point), Metallica (read the slayer description), Sisters of Mercy, Rosetta Stone, Dead Can Dance (Lisa Gerard has the voice of an Angel), Sunshine Blind, Siouxie (and the Banshees), The Cure, NIN, GodFlesh, Camouflage, Ministry, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, The Doors, Hendrix, Sex Pistols, Sick of it All, Agnostic Front, Black Flag, Circle Jerks, Crucifucks, Dead Kennedy's, Darby Crash and the Germs, Iron Cross, Dayglow Abortions, The Misfits, Danzig, JS Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikowsky, Mussorgsky, Ravel, Berlioz, John Dowland (Renaissance lute composer), Heitor Villa-Lobos(Brazillian Guitarist/Composer), Antonio Lauro(Venezuelan Guitarist/Composer), Leo Brouwer (French Guitarist/Composer), Tangerine Dream, Emerson Lake & Palmer, the list will go on for a long time, so I'll just stop here.

Hobbies
Playing Video Games, Role-Playing Games, Reading Fantasy/Sci-Fi books, Playing Guitar, Piano, and Oboe, Tormenting people, voyeurism, Ritualistic Sacrifice.

Favorite Foods
Lamb (any style), Goat (any Style), Beef (any style), Pork (only when it's real), ANYTHING but salad.

Favorite town to chill in
NYC

Favorite Ice Cream flavor
Coffee

Favorite Drink (non-alcoholic)
Jolt Cola

Adidas, Nike or Reebok
I don't wear or like sneakers.

Favorite perfume/Cologne
Navy

Favorite Website
It depends on what video game I'm playing =)

Favorite Subject in School
School?

Least Favorite Subject in School
Periods 1-9

Favorite Alcoholic Drink
Rum or Tequila

Favorite Sport to watch
I don't watch sports.

Humiliating Moment
At one Guitar Recital that I gave, I introduced a Sarabande (slow musical piece usually in �) by JS Bach and wound up playing a Samba by Villa-Lobos, stopping halfway through (I held my arm out like a traffic cop and everyone fell silent) The humiliation was that I had to explain why it happened and I really couldn't (my parents were in the audience)

Craziest idea or silliest
Genetically grafting a parrot and a lizard to see what I get.

What do you look for in the opposite sex
A big slut

Say one nice thing about the person who sent this e-mail
He's an evil being. Trust me, it's a compliment.

Person you sent this to, that is least likely to respond?
Hmm�.I have no idea.