annoying you with my mundane problems.

Birds are eating my tomatoes. You can see the neat slashing cuts make by small needle-like beaks. I think it's this species of little fat birds what live around these parts.

These are my two ideas for a solution: (a) build a scarecrow out of a long-legged Betty Boop doll that I won at a carnival years ago and carted around with me ever since. (b) enlist the help of a deranged-looking cat that wanders around my apartment complex. It's some mixture of siamese and god-knows-what-else with blue-green crossed eyes with the widest irises I've ever seen. Put a collar on her and tie to the plant.

Unless someone has a rational approach I haven't thought of.

Congratulations Sarah whose post I am taking from a deserved prominent spot. Unless someone else has done it while I type this.

Good luck again, Aggie.

Boo-yah, bruthas and sistahs...Sarah, I am against marriage in the current iteration of self I'm narrating, but if I change my mind you are the first one I'm calling. Especially since Hawaii has that domestic partnership legislation. The bone pony is overrated, but I would miss them if they were gone. But I could see a really fulfilling relationship involving much fuzz bumpin and mutual lechery which involves getting fully suspecting college boys in spring break stoned off their gourds and chaining them to a convenient surface, just to give the life of the meatmobile a little non-sequiturial texture. Yah baby, and I yahoo, so congrats to yooooooou and props to Agatha.`

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Life sucks. And then you die. so carpe diem.
Love like you've never been hurt. Party like there's no tomorrow, and dance like no one's watching.

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Wishing Aggiekins luck w/her show! Pls. take some photos of yr work (since you refuse to reveal what medium you're using) & post' em at yr site for us (which is supposed to reopen next month -- right?)

And telling Margret to pls. seriously reconsider this law school thing. My old college roommate is an HLS grad. We were actually supposed to go together. But she was a year behind me. And I wnet back to NY & fucked around & started making $$ & liking it. So I blew off law school & left her to suffer thru it alone... (But she forgave me.) She used to write me all the time -- those were the 3 worst yrs. of her life. She's still paying off student loans /more than a decade later. And the field she really wantd to work in (int'l. human rights law) didn't pay enuf for her to survive after graduating. She had to quit a beloved job at Transafrica & go work for the SEC for a bit. Now she's teaching/which is another hell becuz of all the sexism & racism in academia.

The world's got more than enuf lawyers. We cd use some more plain old Margret's, though.

Droopy, Im new here and dont "contribute" very much to the mix...BUT,I got an idea. Buy some raisons and shove some sleeping pills in them. Throw them out in the yard. Make some margaritas-cha-cha-cha and watch the villians pass out. Then, without remorse, grab a snow shovel and scoop the mini Rodans up into a garbage bag and drive to the nearest park. Dump the booty out and RUN!! Those birds will never find your fruit again!! I heard this is a great way to illegally hunt turkeys as well. C'est le vie.

fine then, but if you change your mind let me know. i don't need to get married, we can just live in sin.

oh and agatha... is Bill Gates the speaker at your graduation, or what?

bill gates is not the speaker at my graduation. mumia abu jamal is. don't get me started.

i hung my work. it took a long time. it's out of my hands.

i will tell you the medium, you never asked me. i do etching, woodcut, linocut, lithography, a littla this, a littla that. i do mixed media and installation work. mostly, i make huge prints that take me forever and then cost too much money to frame.

my entire family is coming tomorrow. my house smells like febreze.

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G. Tell - I don't contribute much here either. On top of that, I'm not even actually all that concerned about the tomatoes. I think I'm transferring other concerns on to them. I will allow the birds to live, prosper even.

Once read a Saul Bellow novel where he finds that a mouse had nibbled into his bread and eaten out a mouse-sized hole. He eats the rest of the slices with jam. He can "share". I cut off the eaten parts of the 'maters and put them on cheese toast.

This way I won't have to eat alone.

sitting in the office with my morning coffee, chuckling about my overrated bone pony.

The old house I bought four years ago came with a cat. He belonged to the previous owner. When she moved out, he decided to stay. She took him away, numerous times, but each time he came back the very next day, just like in the song. She finally gave up and got herself a new cat.

Anyhow, this cat will kill and eat almost anything he can get his claws on. Squirrels are not just for breakfast anymore; flickers, crunchy on the outside, chewy in the middle; hummingbirds, they go down like popcorn. He even stalks the wild turkeys, although he's apparently smart enough to know he's no match for them. He does like venison an awful lot though, which makes me suspicious of some of the "winter kills" I've found in the yard in recent years.

His favorite spring hunting ground is, of course, underneath the tomato trellises, where the robins play. Droopy, I'd offer to loan him to you, but I know he'd just come back the very next day. Sorry.

In sports news, there was much joy in Mudville last night as my 11-12 year old Cardinals got their first win. They did it with style, by knocking off the first place Dodgers, who apparently had been suffering from a severe lack of humility. My boys (and girl) were more than happy to serve them up a helping, 8-6. This tiny town will be buzzing over that one for a week.

Simon - Congrats to you and your team. News of a Cardinals victory (in baseball) is always reason for joy here in St. Louis.

Now if only the "grown up version" would take a lead from your 11-12 year olds perhaps there wouldn't be so much hand wringing in these parts. Giving up 17 runs in one game to the minor league K.C. Royals can set a community on its side.

Notwithstanding the fact that this is their first win of the year, I hope the kids are having fun. At this stage in their lives, it's still just a game.

reading monkeymail from the monkeyboy.
margret, looks like you just missed your chance.
apparently he was just in your neck of the woods.

"...Your last girlfriend didn't have any complaints about the size of my dick. Anyway, Denver was OK. My buddy had his wedding out in the middle of fucking nowhere, out past Colorado Springs. Back in the day I might have been ok with that but I think that NY has twisted me up a bit and I now have a pretty skewed perception of what is an acceptable number of per capita for a given area. You know the burbs just freak me out now. I had a cool time driving across the states with my dad though. Pretty much the whole area from Denver to Pennsylvania is a bunch of bullshit though, it all looks the same and I just kept thinking what kind of poor bastards had to live out there. No wonder they all fuck each other... their closest neighbor is easily 10 miles away.
We also made a quick stop through my old home town Bellbrook OH, where I grew up until 3rd grade. I even tried to look up a girl that I had a crush on, but her parents weren't home. Bellbrook was one hell of a lot smaller than I remembered it, probably because I was one hell of a lot smaller at the time, any way it was pretty cool.
Finally we made a quick stop in Pennsylvania and I picked up 2 cases of Iron City beer and then we pushed on to NY. My mom flew in and I showed my parents around NY for 3 days and they are now a lot less scared of the city. After that I did a 3 day trip and now I am back.
Lets hook up and go kick it real soon. I'm off today on the 10th but I am back on call tomorrow, so I don't know if I can do anything tonight yet, but I am definitely off again on the 16th.

P.S.: melanie says your fuck was only luke warm.
so much for not going back after going black."

yeah.

looks like i'm gonna have to take him out and slap him around again.

...

Going to Pittsburgh to score some Iron City beer is kinda like going to Cleveland to score some dioxins, or going to LA to score some smog.

Except that smog tastes better, and dioxins will probably give you the same buzz.

Slap him for me, too, if you want.

no sweat, simon.

i'll throw in a backhand or two for you.

but just for your info, the monkey is the kind of guy who'd sit on a Union Carbide smokestack just for the buzz.

the boy aint right.

Wondering what has become of Sheila...?

She has been conspicuous in her absence. And greatly missed.

I hope the meth heads haven't got hold of her...

geting ready for yet another meeting. it's 5:30 a.m. here, and i feel as if i just got home from last night, although i know i slept, having had some nightmares involving my mother-in-law, clint eastwood, green leather pants, airplanes.

three days off starting at noon. time to catch up inside and outside. got a new old volvo, haven't told the old old volvo yet, but i'm sure she will notice.

they are giving me lots of projects now, and this is the busy time for development, before the snow comes back.

thanks for remembering me, i'll get busy tomorrow.

and its pay day, yay.

volvos are the kings of cars.

they keep edging into my life.

the most recent addition, a 1999 v70. dark green. tan leather interior. beautiful.

it's either volvo or SUV out here. god knows i'm too karma conscious to drive a SUV.

Nate's got a new Volvo?

I wanna ride!

a 1999 volvo???

the best kind come from the eighties...

i miss my sky blue, 1982 volvo dl...i cried when the new owner drove it away..

I dig those early 80s wagons.

I like that orange color best, because who in their right fucking mind decided people would buy a car that hideous color? So it became my instant fave. It's just so WRONG.

I wanne stick my naked torso out your sun roof and scream obscenities at Californians while drunk off my ass and you giggling in the driver's seat, Nate. And I wanna have the confrontation with the cops where you tell them I'm going through a tough time and got a little loaded, and you're driving me around just because you wanted me to have a non self-destructive outlet. I wanna see you schmooze the man on my behalf.

Half naked.

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sitting in a nearly-empty office. Today's the last day at the soon-to-be old job. The day started with an interesting court appearance. My opposing counsel, who has been difficult and impolite in the discussions leading up to this morning's hearings tried to pull a fast one on me and the judge skewered, roasted and devoured the guy. I won my motion without ever saying a word in oral argument. It's no wonder lawyers get such a bad rep and and this is why I said earlier in the week that the world needs more GOOD lawyers. Anyway, this poor schmuck (whom I found out later has only been out of law school for a year) is probably going to get a worse beating from his supervising partner than the judge administered to him earlier today.

Looks like we've got a huge-ass thunderstorm rolling in from the southwest. There's been a constant rumble for the last 30 minutes or so and the sky is gradually turning from grey to charcoal. Winds are starting to whip up from the south. Prelude to the Tempest.

Nate - safe travels in your new ride (of course that's kind of redundant since it's a Volvo). Enjoy the smell.

There's a casino just about 500 feet from my present office. In all the time I've worked out here I've never once set foot in there. But today, maybe on my way out I'll put it all on the hard eight.

Assuming I'm not going to be sinking that money into a new windshield and hail damage repair to my car.

"I wanne stick my naked torso out your sun roof and scream . . . .schmooze the man on my behalf. "

cool, let's do it.

but let's take the acura instead.

better stereo.

when i was real little, my mom drove one of them hideously orange Pintos! yeah baby. style all the way.

she used to let me sit in her lap and steer when i was just 6 years old.

if those cars weren't death traps and taken off the market, i'd probably have one today. and call it vintage or something.

pissed.

off, that is.

I just typed this giant rant post for the "I'm wearing lace panties" (is that what it's called?) thread, and so the server here crashes....big time. Damnit.

I was proud o' that thing.


In other news:
purple cars are the best

shows suck agatha, they always suck, so here's to yours.

swine, I love you, let's ride each other's meatmobiles somewhere with medium temperatures and cheap chinese takeout

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wasting company time, radiating from the best sex I ever had last night, playing with my pictures, thinking of what to shoot next, or rather debating what to shoot first, wondering when i will have the spare cash to get my camera overhauled, wondering where i should go for labor day weekend for my week vacation, wondering if its really as pretty as they say in it is in Big Sur, wondering why Henry Miller of all the places choose Big Sur, wondering why I am still wondering and just don't go and see for myself

cheap chinese takeout can be a dangerous thing.

but i'll show you mine if you show me yours.

i love how it went immediately from i bought a used car to screaming naked sex without a pause. sorabjiland, home at last.

My fave 80's car was the special-edition Honda Prelude they put out in bright banana yellow. Man, I wanted one of those so bad! Every once in a blue moon/I still see one on the road. And have to fight to urge to follow the driver home.

You never see loud yellow cars anymore. Altho' I think the new VW beetles come in yellow. But they suck no matter what color they are. The big, round fenders were what made the Beetle a Beetle. Now they've smoothed them out & streamlined them into oblivion. Blech!

My across-the-street neighbor's Dad had one when we were kids. And my homeboy & I (my little brother was never down w/our best capers) used to sneak out of our respective houses late at nite/release the emergency brake /then push his Dad's Beetle down the street & around the corner/start it up/& drive into Mahnattan to buy drugs & do the clubs.

And I have a funny Volvo vandalism story for Nate: An old drinking buddy of mine once loaned me his Volvo 760 while he was out of town. (& the car was still new). So my girl & I proceeded to drive around the city in it. We came out of some club one nite & noticed that part of the rear bumper panel was missing. And I fucking panicked -- I was sure this guy wd kill me if I damaged his car (becuz it was actually his wife's car).

So we drove all over the city/trying to find another 760 to steal the back bumper off of. Took us hours to locate one in an opportune spot. We finally found one/ parked a few feet away from the entrance to some apt. bldg. on the westside. But the bldg. had a doorman.

So I had my girl w/the 36D's get out in her open-to-the-navel jumpsuit & go fuck w/the doorman /asking for directions or whatever.

Fortunately/it started to rain/so the doorman was happy to in the doorway under the awning while he ogled my girl. And I snuck out of the driver's side/did the crouch-run move
back to where the
other Volvo was/ yanked off the right rear bumper panel (w/much difficulty & noise) /stuck it inside my jacket/& made my way back to the car. Then I tooted the horn to signal my girl that it was time to make a getaway.

I still can't believe that Volvo didn't have an alarm.

Long story short/we partied for the rest of the week in my pal's Volvo/then stuck the new bumper panel in place before returning the car to him/freshly washed & w/a full tank of gas.

The next evening/at our local waterinfg hole/he complimented me on having taken such good care of his car.
He was esp. impressed that I took the time to get his bumper fixed. He'd knocked off one of the panels backing into something a couple of months ago & never bothered to get it replaced.

You know what I miss? Driving a crappy car. When I was 18 I had a Pacer...only thing I could afford. When I first got it I drove it over to this stoner friend of mine's place. He took one look at it and said, "Duuuuuuuuuuuuude! Modular!" He spent his first ride in the car climbing around in the back, bobbing around and making fish faces out of the windows at other motorists.

I remember driving down the highway in it and suddenly finding myself next to the only other pacer in the state. It was instant loser car owner bonding. You don't get something that warm and fuzzy in a Lexus.

My next car - A Olds Cutlass the color of old astroturf. To this day I still identify myself with that car. It was already ten years old and I managed to squeeze 8 more out of it. Finally I sold it to a guy for $200. A month later after he brought it home the front left wheel fell off of it.

Today when I was driving through the city I was at a light next to a guy in a Cutlass just like mine. Beat up battered and faded...windows down in the afternoon heat 'cause you don't dare turn the a.c. on...Tejano music coming out of it. Not Selene or somethin' like that - too slow 3/4 time with with too lively accordian and "donde...esta...Maria-a-a-a!"

You're living a lie in a volvo.

BTW, Sheila: Yr sagacious wit & worldliness are requested to help resolve an etiquette problem. The Sorabji jury appears to be hung on this one. And Agatha's prepping for her graduation & having to host a houseful or relatives. So I can't perster her. So I'm pestering you.

Pls. make yr way forthwith to the 'I Need Advice' board/subheading
'An Etiquette Query...'. My gut says the 'no's' have it. But we need a tie-breaker.

(And how are the geese fairing now that momma is a career woman?)

wondering how agatha's graduation went... and what color armband she wore.

feeling like a badass.

i just fixed my vacuum. i admit it wasn't that difficult, but there's just something about taking apart a piece of machinery, using tools, figuring out that problem, fixing it, and making something operate properly that really gets me off.

it makes me want to be an auto mechanic.

Checking out he HUGE phallic symbol on the Sorabji cover.

And fixintago to bed.

(Say g'nite, Six).

P.S -- PJBoy has news. Details to follow on Wed.)

what are up to at the mo?

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grinning from ear to ear.

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waking up with a head full of static and blurry vision.
business as usual.
the puerto rican day parade kicks off in midtown today. like right now. over a million and a half raging boricuans will be tearing up fifth avenue by central park; papis flossing relentlessly w/ blunts and beers in hand, mamis shake-shake-shaking that ass while dissing all the weak game dropped their way.
swarms of latin kings will be rolling literally hundreds deep. it'll be an ocean of black and gold. the affluent natives will undoubtedly by cowering behind the locked doors of their up-up-upscale apartments.
i like to see 'em sweat.
ras and i went to the 116th street festival yesterday. spanish harlem was bumping. lex was live. it was chaos. huge puerto rican flags whipping in the air for as far as the eye could see, people filling the streets chanting
"BORICUA! BORICUA! BORICUA!"
i love that shit.
of course the NYPD policed the festival like it was a riot, but i didn't hear any gunfire or see any fights, so they must have been behaving themselves.
but the 116th festival is nothing compared to the PR parade.
officer friendly's will be en masse like it's the end of the world.

i'm gonna pack up my stun gun, stuff my pockets with beer money, and go soak up some chaos.

BORICUA!

wondering if simon is going to stop corresponding with me via email if i tell him what color armband i wore.

are you, simon?

wishing i was with swine right now.

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spending the day doing absolutely nothing.

Played a gig last night, got home at 3:30. Slept in till 11. Went up on the hill and inspected my trees. The seedlings I put in this year are doing great. The survivors from previous years are growing vigorously. Must be a good year for trees.

Back to the grind tomorrow, and the beseball nights. Seven games in five days, two double-headers.

The 11-12 year olds look like a completely different team now. They haven't won again since that game last week, but the teams that previously beat them by scores of 27-6 and 15-2 each only managed to squeak by in the bottom of the last innings by scores of 13-12 and 7-6, respectively. These kids play with pride and dignity now. I'm pretty damn proud of them.

Agatha, whether or not you choose to tell me, and regardless of what the answer is, my high regard for you will remain unchanged.

Now I'm going to go barbecue some chicken and hope the rain holds off until I'm done.

Wondering what the fuck this armband bidness is all about. I wore two, when I graduated, both were gold because my college colours were black and gold, and they signified graduating with honours and phi beta kappa. Is there some secret code I could have employed that I missed out on? I am devastated.

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having kidney failure. I think.
And if not now, then soon. I have been having these sporadic sharp pains on my sides. Ugh.

Is there a handsome doctor in the house?

http://members.tripod.com/~X_kerri_X/2index.html

still loafing.

The armband bidness has to do with the graduation speaker, whose address to the class was considered somewhat controversial, to put it mildly. Controversial enough that the Governor cancelled his appearance because of the whole mess.

Anyway, those opposed to this speaker wore blue armbands and those supporting him wore gold... I think that's right. Agatha could probably enlighten you better than I could.

after much thought, i wore a yellow armband. i am going to vancouver tomorrow, see you all in a few days.

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Really wishing there was year-round school here. I can't get a darn thing done with the kids around all the time. I'm really jealous of the person who already has tomatoes in their garden. Our tomatoes are about 1' tall right now. Otherwise I'm obsessing over litigation.

Lawanda -- that's why they have summer camp. It might not be to late to sign 'em up & send 'em off.

Or do they have out-of-state cousins they can visit for a month?

wondering why this place gets so quiet around 3-4pm Pacific Standard time

hello??
(echo echo echo echo echo echo )

creating noise pollution.

it was supposed to sound like tibetan monks meditating in a metal tube, but instead it sounds like godzilla farting through a digital sound processor.

whatcha gonna do.

i guess north korea and south korea are whipping out the ballistic kung fu on eachother right now. north korea reportedly lost a torpedo ship. i'm never certain of the ramifications of all the drama, and at this point i'm not gonna go out of my way to skeeve myself out.
besides.
as far as i'm concerned, it's all ugly.

time to get back to the farting monks and meditating zilla beasts.

Asking what is probably a dumb question/but someone here will know:

Can I download more than one program/ file/etc. from the Web at a time?

I've noticed that I can open a seemingly endless # of webpages & keep them up at the same time. Does this mean I can also download multiple files simultaneously? And if so/what's the max# ?