Well, this place looks different from the last time I was here. Finally got up on the net, but I had to dial in to Mpls to do it, and it keeps booting me off every second frame. frustrating to say the least. Hopefully this will stop soon, I have a lot of catching up to do. I won't take up folks time here explaining my absence, but I plan on posting the story under the title "learning the Hard Way" (Althoug, I 'll have to see if Nate let folks know about my big fuck-up already). Anyway, I need to go see what's been going on while I was out. I missed you guys.

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OH SO GLAD THAT SEM IS BACK!

Hope you're getting settled in & enjoying yr summer.

(Where the hell are you again? Wisconsin?)

yeah, but some call it..HELLE.

Nah, it's not that bad, but I could do without the Tornado warnings.

oh, hey: soon, my band's entire CD will up as mp3's on our website, so y'all can hear us like some have demanded.

Damn, my eyes hurt. This is what I get for sitting in front of a computer at work all day and then doing it again at night.

i think I need to go to bed.

I like how the site looks, Mark.

Hi: Agatha, Cyst, Sheila, Swine, Margret, Jim AKA PJBoy, Nate, Sara, Bagpuss, and everyone else. Anything realy interesting happen here while I was gone? I skimmed the stalking post and new messafes, but thats it.

Alright, I'll be back tomorrow, I really need to tear myself away from this thing!

praise "bob"

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Sem is back! Sem is back! And Cyst, liar that she is, seemed to be gone only for a week or so, though I expect her visits to be sporadic.
Nate, apparently, can be trusted with a confidence.
Sem is back! Yay.

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welcome back, llama. i've thought of you as i am deep in archaeology reports, these guys (not literally guys) are so thorough it's amazing.

while you were gone i met a real sorabjite (Sarah). now that i know they exist in the real world, i'm seeking out others of the species.

Stewing in my own juices. The X bought the boys brand new bikes to ride in CA, but did she send child support? Noooo. God I'll be glad when CA slaps her ass with that whopper of a bill. Hee Hee.

I'm wondering if I can get through a day without getting dirt all over me. Yesterday, I was putting out the compost we bought, got dirty. Very dirty. Took a shower, told myself I'd stay out of the garden. That evening, I watered. You'd think that would be a clean enterprise. Not for me, my legs were covered in dirt. It's a talent.

I evesdrop on all your lives. Heres a smigit of mine.
Dear Robby-
Its hard to believe that my oldest grandson is "30" years old. W havent seen you in such a long time.
We are enjoying your mothers
visit-it means so much to us.
Grandad isnt doing too good.
I feel terrible about him being in the nursing home but we took care of him as long as we could at home
Happy Birthday!
We love you-
Grandad + Granny.

Yea, Im fucking worthy. Last nite I took my lame newly 30 year old ass to the bar directly from work. I ended up jumping the fence of a public pool in my skivies and jumping off the four story platform. As if that wasent enough to completely shame my 90 year old grandmother, I stole blocks of ice and spent 2am-3am riding them down a grassy hill.

Guilty, pathetic, unworthy,juvinile

I should be doing something. But what?

I need my ass kicked in a serious way.

someone derserves to be proud of me. I owe someone that. damm introspection. damn expectations. damn potential.

I could use a good beating.


so there it is.

I evesdrop on all your lives. Heres a smigit of mine.
Dear Robby-
Its hard to believe that my oldest grandson is "30" years old. W havent seen you in such a long time.
We are enjoying your mothers
visit-it means so much to us.
Grandad isnt doing too good.
I feel terrible about him being in the nursing home but we took care of him as long as we could at home
Happy Birthday!
We love you-
Grandad + Granny.

Yea, Im fucking worthy. Last nite I took my lame newly 30 year old ass to the bar directly from work. I ended up jumping the fence of a public pool in my skivies and jumping off the four story platform. As if that wasent enough to completely shame my 90 year old grandmother, I stole blocks of ice and spent 2am-3am riding them down a grassy hill.

Guilty, pathetic, unworthy,juvinile

I should be doing something. But what?

I need my ass kicked in a serious way.

someone derserves to be proud of me. I owe someone that. damm introspection. damn expectations. damn potential.



so there it is.

oh jeez, another several hours on the net...

I bought a new bike today, a Hano. I think that's the name. Anyway it rides nice and is now part of my plan to get into great shape.

I also bought Starship Titanic the game. I am looking forward to exploring it when I am not watching wrestling or playing guitar or working out or here,,, maybe I won't get to it that soon after all.

oh, and thanks for being glad i'm back . I know this sounds stupid, but you guys are important to me. I missed y'all too.

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Just watched "Saving Private Ryan" and drank four glasses of wine. Does that count for the drunk ramblings section?

Hubby and oldest son are out setting up the camp site for next weekend. Middle son and guest passed out by their lego's. Youngest is snoozing with his legos on his bed. Rottweiler is farting and snoring. No sign of the cat.

Sem: the best part of starship titanic is where you find john cleese's voice. the game really sucks, though it is charming at first.

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welcoming back semi too! :-)

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Because I moved the duck bathing facilities, the ground squirrels relocated. They prefer to have the entrances to their burrows shaded, so they went from under the duck house to under the nearest pile of lumber, which was already occupied, There was a ripple effect, then everything I thought settled. It is a good year for all rodents, and there seems to be some overcrowding or just plain recklessness, as there are frequent squirrel scrambles in all areas of the immediate surroundings. They easily evade the hounds (well, except for that one) and the waterfowl tolerate them, but they are attracting rattlesnakes to my house. Not unusual this time of year to see the herps around, especially on the roads, but very unusual to see any this size and this bold.

Wear boots or gaiters, look carefully where you step, back away slowly. Use the catcher device only if they come onto the porch or into the house, or threaten the hounds. I'm thinking that the big mama out back probably killed The Bad Lois' cow a couple of weeks ago. She is about 10+" in circumference, has twelve rattles, and I haven't seen her uncoiled but coiled three times she is a foot across and a foot high. I saw her just after a meal yesterday, so she won't have to hunt again for a few days, nevertheless I am avoiding that area altogether. A smaller one has moved into the garage, but is quite lazy and we come and go as usual. Sometimes when I go outside I think this is just the perfect time if I were a herp I would be out hunting, or socializing, right now.

The next day........we'll just call it Rattlesnake Peak until this is over. Perhaps after the feeding frenzy they will all go back home. What am I saying, This IS their home. I am kept in the house by heat and circumstances, yearning for alcohol in a way I haven't done for years and years. Bastille Day is coming, that must be it. Whatever it is, I never thought it would be this difficult ever again.

The Mallard hen is brooding at least sixteen eggs. Her private nest is in the dog house and today I will put up the poultry mister line to keep her cool. At the same time, the other ducklings are beginning to look like Mallards. I'm thinking the Rouen hen is a surrogate for those other two sex crazed madcap fucking ducks. No parade this year. For those who really want a parade, make it happen yourselves. The Parade Guy is resting.

7/11/99, 1:02 PM
Dani is:

Suffering from brain overload and blurred vision.
Gotta hangover from hell and the phone just wont stop ringing.
wanna play ya gotta pay I guess.
Kim and her little friend were running around the pool which I've told them approx. 2,341 times not to do and sure as shit, one falls and the other fell over her so now they are both not very happy campers.
Is school starting soon???

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supposed to be flying back to hawaii today.


but instead i've rented a truck and i'm leaving in a few hours. heading northeast to my old stomping grounds in montana. i'll stop in northern idaho for a day or two for hiking and bathing in the natural hot springs. maybe i'll make it to wyoming, but i don't think the statute of limitations is up yet on the warrants out for my arrest there, so we'll see. i don't want to get pulled over accidentally and end up in jail. i sure don't have the money to bail myself out of two traffic misdemeanors.

i should be back in hawaii in a week, if all goes well. wish me luck.

hey mark, save my scrabble games for me please?

oh and semillama... great to have you back man! you were missed.

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listening to 'californication' as i surf. Frusciante is the most underrated guitarist as far as i am concerned. Too bad he fucked himself up so bad.

I am trying to decide what to eat for lunch. i wish i enjoyed cooking more, but I am too lazy. it's all the preparation that turns me off.

oh well.

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checking my plants before I leave. The basil has grown into a regular bush with woody stalks and all. Grasshoppers have taken to hanging out in it. They're bright yellow and in the dark green leaves they look like tropical birds nesting in a tree. I look at them and look back nervously, staying utterly still because the don't think I can see them. I give them a flick just to assert my property rights, and they fly off and hide in the monkey grass. When I'm gone, they'll all go back. They don't seem to be eating much, anyway.

I think someone stole a tomato. I have one tomato plant in a pot; it had two tomatoes on it last time I looked, but now the larger one's gone. It's possible that when I was drunk over the weekend that I ate it, but I don't know.

Sarah will probably be right in our area. Probably a little further north than us.

I was supposed to fertilize the gardens this am., but I didn't get up early enough. This week will be spent cleaning up the house and packing up the kids. Friday we go camping, then Monday we put the boys on a plane.

It gets eerily quiet when they are gone.

"we will bury you."

guess not.

waiting, waiting waiting

for some electrons to get their asses in gear

and wondering wondering wondering

YAMA what?

Avoiding housework by being here. I have the whole house to clean before we have a housesitter on Friday. Some rooms are just so cluttered, but without a regular storage closet in the basement, all these things that absolutely can't get damp are in the office. The office is the family dumping ground. Actually, the kitchen is, but I move it to the office.

concidering the infinite possibility that i may be insane.

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Listening to "part7" of a certain sound wav collection that I've aquired over the last 2 years. I thought it was "part6" but I was wrong. It's "part7" for sure. I received it last night and I've probably listened to it 30 times now. I finally managed to work up the nerve to send him my "part1" and now I think I'm addicted.

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they must have bigger guns over at the post - they sure as hell are louder. Some reports shake my house slightly, and it's a good ten miles away. Kind of sounds like someone dropping a couch in the apt. above you.

Chatting with this guy on ICQ that I met in real life Friday night...I knew all along that he was only 19 years old and he knew all along that I'm 29 years old..be 30 this Sunday dammit...so, I just figured that being he only lives an hour away, we could just meet and hang out. Much to my surprise he was totally fuckin' beautiful. And his personality was pretty much the same. So, he's gonna drive back here tomorrow night and take me for an early birthday dinner. Whoda thunk it...bring it on baby.

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getting ready in case we have to evacuate. forest fire.

shaken, but safe. it was so close. we didn't have to evacuate, but they stationed fire engines between the scatterred houses and the edge of the fire, which they controlled after dark last night. it started way down the mountain and swept to the ridge incredibly fast. i was driving home from work when i saw the smoke. it looked like Buckhorn Peak was on fire, but it was Buckhorn Flat, my beighbor's place. their house didn't burn--they have their own bulldozer and cut around it in time.

volunteers had moved in stock trailers to get out the horses, and everyone was packed and ready.

even if you have defensible space, when it is that hot, the trees crown and explode, and fuel everything in sight. while i was in the garage getting crates for the cats, i stumbled upon a freshly killed squirrel who met mr. rattler moments earlier. life goes on.

is wishing he was 19 again and had a date with a 30 year old

Sheila, I am so glad that everything is OK.

Well, evrerything but the kitchen is done. I gotta mop that floor today. It's so gross. Well, not food gross, but we track in a lot of mud. I think me and the dog are the worst offenders on that score. I'll be working out in the yard, get called in, and not want to take off my boots. Tromp, tromp, tromp. Then in comes my puppy (well, he's eight, but he'll always be my puppy), tromp, tromp, tromp.

i have that same floor. sheila, glad to hear everything is okay.

i had a job interview yesterday. the waiting is killing me. it looks as though i may not have gotten it.

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Killing time while I wait for my boss to get back from eating ice cream without me. Life is not fair.

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www.angelfire.com/mn/DoodleBug

wondering if there's clouds n stuff in hell

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wondering why it took so long for my last post to go away.
wondering what the fuck is the matter with me.
wondering why I'm all panicy about a relationship that never exsisted with a guy I've never met. He lives in fucking England, wisper, forget it already. You normally laugh at people who get this way. fucking pathetic. i feel like swearing at myself, and the internet for being the vehicle through which all this pain has traveled. these are just assumptions too, nothing stable yet.

I've lost my fucking mind

good lord he's beautifull

fly me to England, bitch

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for some reason, singing "God bless you please Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know, WHOA WHOA WHOA..."

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Just getting home from my early birthday dinner with my 19 year old Sarasota Net Friend. Whatta cutie he is.So sweet and gorgeous.

Living testimony that internet relationships can and do turn into good and bad relationships. Ya win a few and lose a few. I'ts worth the risk in my opinion. Most of the people that I've met off the internet turned out to be very good people. With the exception of a few assholes of course. whether or not it's internet or real life, the outcome is the same...if they cant except you for who you are and what you do, then fuck 'em because if someone truly cares for you, they'll except you for who you are inside and out.

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"DEATH TO AMERICAAAH!!!"

walk through the front door to the AC cranked, stereo blasting dr. israel, and big-ass tv flashing images of a mob of angry brown men waiving their fists in the air and throwing stones. drop the laptop and the groceries on the floor; walk over to the fridge and grab a beer. make sure you grab one of the New Amsterdam India Pale Ales in the cobalt blue bottle. as you glance at the gas/electric bill that you've neglected to pay for three months running, mutter some shit about the tyranny of evil power entities.
drink beer and scratch yourself.
phone rings.
frown at the caller id and keep drinking beer and scratching yourself until it stops.
pick up the remote control, switch amp sound from "cd player" to "vcr" and watch the angry brown mob spring into life via 100 decibals of digitally processed surround sound:

"DEATH TO AMERICAAAH!!!"

the 8500 BTU air conditioner has been cranked on full all day even though no one's been home. ever since 9:00 AM, when you stumbled towards the door in a blind idiot rush, it's been spitting freon love to the delight of no one except the stockholders of PSEG.
you hold no stock.

"DEATH TO AMERICAAAH!!!"

the stereo has been blasting fela kuti, dr. israel, zap mama, tribe called quest, and the jungle brothers since 9:00AM, when you staggered out the door in a confused haze with nothing but stale sex, new jobs, bad grooves, and monthly reports on your mind. you were thinking "iced coffeee" while while fela tried to hit your subconscious with "HE WHO NO KNOW, GO KNOW!!!!"
your subconscious wasn't listening.

"DEATH TO AMERICAAAH!!!"

the big-ass TV has been flashing titties and beer, booty and chaos, sex and violence, 12 flavors of Oprah all day long to no audience. the AC doesn't give a shit. the stereo is caught up in it's own funk, and the couch is as vacant as a pig on saturday night. no matter. it's been on mad absent flash since 9:00 AM when you looked at the clock and lurched out the door, leaving every major appliance cranked up and sucking energy like a chubby midwestern kid sucks up hot dogs on the fourth of july.

"DEATH TO AMERICAAAH!!!"

go back to the fridge and grab another beer. make sure it's cobalt blue. start giggling to yourself and yell
"DEATH TO AMERICAAAH!!!" to the electric/gass bill you're writing a check for. when the phone rings, pick up and yell

"DEATH TO AMERICAAAH!!!"

into the receiver. laugh hysterically, then apologize to your mom and tell her yes, you will meet them at the airport.

"DEATH TO AMERICAAAH!!!"

proceed and continue to drink yourself into a giggling mass of idiocy.
know full well that your time is short, and that what you put out eventually comes back around to slap you upside your knucklehead when you least expect it.

"DEATH TO AMERICAAAH!!!"

keep laughing.

i didn't get the job. nobody loves me.

she said i interviewed very well, though.

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all clean and showered now, drinking a Red Hook, marinating the venison. I went out this morning and made a cord of firewood which is now split & stacked in my garage. I'll be happy when I have four cords put up. There's probably close to three out there now, counting the hardwood out back that I take on camping trips.

listening to Taj Mahal.

"Queen Bee"

that song always makes me smile.

agatha, you get much love.

don't trip.

you'll get yours.

back in hawaii already.

i actually didn't get very far. i made the mistake of calling home to check in on the milk drinker.

it appears that he knows me better than i thought, because he asked me to please come home for a while.

i surprised us both by doing just that. can you believe it? i'm pathetic. i never would have done such a thing back in 1995. or even last summer.


it's alright though, no regrets. i had a great time. and this morning i called and made new flight arrangements. i'll continue the adventure in mid-August. Montana will probably still be there at that time, not to mention it might even be warm!

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http://syrup.org

getting ready for bed.

My brakes started acting up again today, two weeks after I had the master cylinder replaced. And I am going back up north tomorrow as well. So I brought the old hoss back in and demanded they have it done by tomorrow at lunch.
spent the day hacking through stinging nettles searching for building remains. My hands oly stopped stinging after I washed them three times. We were buzzed by a big double-bladed helicopter today, or at least the area we were in was. Never boring on base when there's a couple battalions running around.

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Wow, Mark, that office-cam never came in that clear before. I don't feel so bad about my office anymore.

Hubby shredded straw for me today, it looks nice out there on the veggie beds. I had to have a serious conversation with the cat. He knocked down two of my son's sunflowers scurrying around in the beds. Baaaaad Kitty.

Had a nice dinner, took the puddy dog for a walk with the hubby and kids. The Clearwater River is calling our names to go for a float.

All offices look the same, piled papers, crud stuffed in corners. I had an office like that once. Now I wait tables. Go figure.
Waitressing tends to make one lose delight in the human species....
Ahh. I didn't really have much to say. My cat is trailing litter from the cat box to my bed, my roomate is in a panic because she's late for work, and me? Well. I'm just. Indeed.

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http://www.endless.org/~calliope

..........wondering where Lisa came from, saw here site, she has intersting links, I like the self absorbed bitch, well honestly she was just beautiful , i didn't bother with the text, typical male i guess...who took the front photo Lisa, interesting..........

listening to the Doors, pretending to work.
"the lizard king"
where the hell did that come from? He was more like a snake. Or a really loaded guy in tight leather pants.

does anyone hate the Doors? can you?





i remember the cemetary where Jim Morrison is buried. In Paris, my first and only trip off the continent. it's interesting. you walk into the cemetary and every time you pass somone they run up to you going "jim? jim!" and pointing in some direction. I must have heard the word "jim" in about 20 different accents. Incase you can't follow these people's fingers to the site, the word JIM and then a sloppy arrow ---> is scratched/painted/burnt into the side of every grave in the place, and it's a damn big place. Sad, because the graves are so beautiful, like small churches. finally you turn a corner and come across a small croud of people and security guards. the infamous white bust of his head is gone now, replaced because of grafitti by a giant block of marble and a nondescript metal plate

JAMES DOUGLAS MORRISON
[dates]
[something in latin or greek]

there is a trough thing in front of this, filled with dirt, also marble, meant to hold flowers. it's mostly full of guitar pics, candles, comdoms, smoke butts...etc.
It aint' much, but that's where he is.

why am i thinking of this.

Ride the highway west, baby...

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reacalling his Jim Morrison grave story. my then fiance and I went to see it. It wasn't much. It's amazing what people did to the other tombs just in the name of Jim, spray painting "jim this way"....."jim over here..." etc etc. After looking at the umimpressive grave that actually wasn't his original site (they had to move it due to constant vandalism) we strolled just outside the gate and at down aon a bench to smoke. 2 guys hit us up for a light and proceed to ask us questions..."ah you are American, I see..where are you from etc etc." I proceed to pull a bluff, you see my last name is Morrison, so I told him I was Jim Morrison's nephew and I was here paying my respects before they moved his grave site completely out of the cemetary (you only get 20 years in that place b/c it's so crowded). Anywa, we chatted with these for about 30-45 min. I then ask if they can cop some pot for us, seeing as how we just got engaged it seemed appropriate. Besides they had hung out with us for a while and our senses seemed safe. He even gave me his watch and said the guy was in the cafe arouind the corner. I gave him about 40 bucks in US$, i forgot how many franc s the was. Anyway long story short, they stiffed us, I got a watch out of it and I wouldn't be surprised if he is telling all his pals he jipped Jim Morrison's nephew off, o rmaybe he didn't buy it from the beginning. I alwasy said the con artists and pan handlers are better crafted in Europe.

trying to shove this stapler in my ear for being such a bad speller............

Bleeding...maybe not real blood, but some sort of spritual, etheric blood, sticky but untouchable.

And pain, mental and physical, all encompassing. A soul-migraine.

And swelling of heart, love that is sweet like the smell of a decaying corpse. Love no less true than that of an evening stalker, peeping into windows of the 17 year old down the street who once babysat your nephew.

And thought, rolling around behind the eyes, a koan impossible to guess at, knowing that the answer is directly opposite of what theanswer really is. Buckyballs and blocks of ice. Spaceships and Sulphuric acid. Coffin nails and Congo Napalm.

In a pain less metaphorical than GeeWhiz.

I have a house across town that I rent out. I got a call from my tenant Sal (Salvadore) this afternoon informing me that the bathtub is sinking. I went over there with a carpenter buddy of mine to check and, sure enough, it is. It's gonna take a week and a whole lot of my money to fix it.

Things like this happen when you're a slum lord.

I am sitting at work (newspaper) waiting to clear my last two pages so I can go home.
When I get home, I might to social function hosted by a co-worker, or I might just take my dog Whitney for a run.

Oh, for a boring life.

remembering Jim Morrison.
not his grave.
him.
in real life.

about to take the herd out for Mexican.

Tomorrow we run off to the hills to dress up like fur trappers, shoot muskets, eat, drink and throw tomahawks for a weekend. Like a bunch of 1840's wannabes.

ruthless: (rooth-less)

1. Without Ruth. 2. A backyard without a fence. 3. Having just finished lovemaking and therefore unable to generate another ruth for a few unless consumingly horny. 4. A thin wallet or purse. Broke, ruthed out. 5.
Also see: New York Yankees, New Testament, Mr. Buzzy, a Johnny Depp Film, Cubism, Stephen King, Juila Roberts, double sided tape, The Hardy Boys (not Nancy Drew), NASCAR, NPR, Taco Bell, someone else's ashtray, AIDS tests, two forms of ID, Rush Limbaugh, short squatty people, Montezuma's Revenge, Oprah, the Last Mohichan, the Psychic Hotline, bologna and Donny Osmond.

i was walking down fifth street in the east village the other day. saw a woman in distress. she was walking from the sidewalk to the middle of the street and back again. just back and forth, with her head in her hands. pulling faces. she started yelling. yelling
"STOP! JUST STOP!!!"
"TIME OUT!!! TIME FUCKING OUT!!!"
"JUST STOP!!! THIS ISN'T FAIR!! JUST FUCKING STOP!!!"
i wanted to play pool at the ace bar. i walked right past her. been thinking about that woman. and you know what?
i think i feel the same way.

c'est la motherfucking vie.

i'm going to bed and hoping for the best.

i just read that Olympia is hosting the Third International Yoyo A Go Go this week. And, as you all may or may not know, this festival has nothing to do with yoyos, but rather it has a lot to do with independent, underground music and the DIY of the punk ethos.

agatha, how are the festivities this year?

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.......is wishing he was in NYC, LA is so.....well god damned LA, I miss NYC, Swine, ever go tothe Sidewalk Cafe? I have friends who work there

it's a lot of fun. i am making tshirts to sell with yoyo's on them, seeing as how i have zero dinero. you should come, sarah. still three days to go. there's also a four day long festival going on right now called "pee your pants rock and roll". i was there the other night, and i realized i was standing next to ian mackaye. i about shit my pants. olympia is kind of cool, sometimes.

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wondering who is playing this festival that I logistically won't be able to attend. Tell Ian McKaye to get a haircut. Eagerly awaiting the Flaming Lips show in several weeks