I am sitting on my arse wastin time at sorabji.com. I should be practising rach 2 or learning some chopin studies or something but I can't be arsed.

[email protected]

excited for tonight.

Going on date #2 with the cute-as-a-bug's-ear ticket guy. I think we're going to dinner and to see a movie. I don't care really what we do, I'd be happy to sit and watch the weeds grow, anything to just be with him so I can smother him with kisses.

He emailed me and told me he can't wait to see me. Mmmmmm. I'm gonna start polishing my spoon.

just re-installed Windows 98 for the second time.

seems to be working, but I think it's just waiting til I'm off my guard.

I'm laying down the ultimatum, though:

fuck me around again, and I'm going for that Linux/COREL suite 8 package...

going to bed with a small smile. got over (in a little way) that dark cloud that's been hanging over me. a stranger told me i was "groovy". or not so strange, i don't know. gotta hold on to little things like that...

Getting ready to have and autumnal equinox party. Johnathan Winters will be there.

http://www.firesigntheatre.com

eating chili. and having a glass of milk.

my cat has turned my bed into her personal bathtub.

i get my grocery bag back today (whoohoo!).

[email protected]

almost done cataloging.

I typed up a couple of cover letters today. I will try to send them out with resumes before I leave town.

I must work on my paper this afternoon, no excuses!!

is it me, or is this whole world going to hell?

no, seriously.

Oh, if a distant glimpse of thee can give such sweet, such vast delight, what must the joy, the triumph be,
to dwell forever in thy sight

Wondering where that one girl who I had a crush on for four months is now. And why she had a crush on me beforehand.

Augh. Ok, I have a webcam.

[email protected]
http://romberg.tron-thorpe.com/~ryan/cam.html

wishing I could sweep up the Ocean.

Trying to find out what time it is right now in Genoa, Italy.

[email protected]

eating lunch and pestering Mavis on petty moving details.

it's weird when your family tells you they read your website.


*shudder*

I'm posting here again, because I feel lame and alienated and miserable. I don't really want to go home on holiday because everyone there is being an asshole to me, I miss my cats, I'm hot and sweaty, because no one will hug me, and I'm alone. I'm so miserable all of a sudden I want to just collpase in a corner and die and that's simply not an option.
They all hate me, and I don't understand why, and he's being a prick. He can't just leave me alone, he has to prove that his penis is large by making my life miserable, because he gets off on from 3,000 miles away, because he knows how lonely and upset I already am and how easy it is to make me even more so.
I want him to go to hell.
Today has been so shitty, Mark, I just want to die. It's one of those days where nothing goes right and everything I say comes out twisted as bile, and I can't breathe, and I don't know what I want to do anymore. I feel like I should go home, need to go home, but don't want to because I know I'll be unhappy there. Damnit, I was hoping not to have these nights, I wouldn't have these nights if it wasn't for one of those things, if one of those things could go away, I could just deal with it, and I can't, and I just want him out of my life. Out of my life. Is that so hard? Apparently it is, since he can't just give up, realize he's being an immature prick, just give up and let me go.
Fuck.
I am lonely. Somone love me?

[email protected]

sending a hug out to Isolde.

Can I get a witness?Can I send someone the tickets I had to to see The Counting Crows and Live tonight,fucking free no less,and I'm home.I am sooo pissed off,from an asshole that I have to live with.Shit.Damn.double damn!!!!Fuck it.

[email protected]

wishing I was in the Palais Du Bourbon with him inside me. And his blue shirt lying on the floor.

[email protected]

Still sad and frustrated and annoyed.
Dammnit, I want him to just get out of my life.
Not so much to ask, is it?

smilin' a great big ol' texas smile.

"Bush promised that the law, which ended a 125 year-old prohibition on concealed weapons in Texas, would require rigorous background checks for license applicants.

But a Los Angeles Times investigation found that convicted rapists and armed robbers, as well as people with histories of violence, drug problems, and psychological disorders received licenses to carry concealed weapons.

The Times reported that 215,000 Texans are currently licensed to carry concealed weapons. But Texas officials concede that more than 400 were licensed despite prior convictions and more than 3,000 other licensees have since been arrested, the report says.

Among the crimes committed by people granted the licenses were double murder, robbery, and kidnapping, the Times said. The Times used interviews, police reports, court records, and other public documents to identify more than 200 cases.

Johnny Sutton, criminal justice policy advisor to Bush, the Republican presidential nominee, called the law 'a smashing success.'"

sho' nuff was.

resolving not to send any more emails. Today at least.

[email protected]

Hmmm..I lasted 90 minutes. It's great to have the resolution of a dot matrix printer.

pumpkinface.com

sewing twenty tiny aprons.

Enjoying a great glass of Amarone ('91 Quintarella) and chokin' the ol' python.

[email protected]
http://profiles.yahoo.com/hunzaman1

Isolde and J.

When you're feeling this down darlings..

Ain't no place else to go but up!

One day you're going to feel better, believe me.

It'd be great if everything that's wrong would instantly change for the better but life is just not that kind to some folks.

Even if nothing gets better soon, one day you're STILL going to feel better in spite of it all. So keep plugging for that day! It'll be worth it. Peace to you ladies, Peact.

hating my home computer.

totally fragged. I think it's the registry.

I think Microsoft has lost my business.

getting ready to go out west again. I talked to my friend in Denver, whom we'll be staying with, and my aunt, whom we'll be eating dinner with. I hope we can avoid snow, but who knows? It's supposed to snow here this weekend.

Mavis is bugging out big time, but she is offline now. send encouraging emails to [email protected] for later review.

Feeling out of it today.

I don't quite know what to do.

Firesign, "I've got the real story for ya, up to now!
The aliens HAVE LANDED AMONG US. I'm NOT hotdoggin' ya!"

http://www.firesigntheatre.com

wishing i were eating something good

telling semillama that he better be prepared to make some sacrifices, both with time and conveniences, if he wishes to venture into linuxville. he should make sure his hardware is supported (no winmodems). he should also email me if he wants me to send him a few of the latest distros. no charge, bub.

[email protected]

Now, dave... Don't go scaring him off now.

The Caldera distro he was talking about should be friendly enough to begin with... There is even support for some windmodems... But I still don't trust them.

e-desktop is pretty good but i suggest that he either try, if he has the space for it, a dual boot or play with winlinux or phatlinux, before completely kicking windows to the curb. also check out linuxnewbie.org for suggestions and helpful discussion groups.

[email protected]

i suggest you shut up, dave.

[email protected]

Yeah Dave. You couldn't compile a kernel to save your nuts.

[email protected]

hoping that someday soon, the hole in the ozone expands itself over cat's house for a couple of months.

drinking a vodka martini out of a cracked glass,

cursing at pacific bell and myself for signing up for dsl with them

listening to npr's analysis of the vp debate

and getting all! excited! about! phish! tomorrow!

[email protected]
http://www.torturechamber.com/hippyflip

saying hello to some people who's white and blue stuff i haven't seen for a while


how are you?

i was supposed to be at shoreline this weekend. canceled because of surgery. dammit. have fun, girl.

Now there's the reason I have backed off from Linux before - it's the whole condescending attitude surrounding it. Very unappealing.

So, my dad talked to his department's system administrator about my problem, and he agreed that my registry is fucked and I need to reformat my hard drive.

Gonna do that after I get back. Should be an experience.

If that doesn't fix the problem, I will consider Linux again, but only briefly.

I miss my Mac - never ever had problems with it.

Chordata: Why are you cursing the DSL? I've signed up for it but haven't used it yet, I'm waiting for delivery of my new PC.

Now I'm skeert... what am I in for?

sem, just reinstall windows into a different directory, like windoze or win98 or browneye. you'll still have to reinstall all of your apps but you should be able to keep all of your docs and whatnot. linux is cool but it takes a lot of time to be able to use it like you do windows. if you want to spend hours in front of your computer trying to figure out why your wheelmouse isn't working when you've done everything you've been told to do several times, then go linux. ultimately, the pay off is there. it just takes a while. BeOS is real cute and works pretty good right out of the box. it's a lot like macOS. ok, enough geek talk. who wants some buttsex?

since we're on the subject of bad computers, my hp pavilion will stop working occasionally.

the screen will go black, and if i fiddle with it enough it'll say check video connection. i can't turn the computer off unless i unplug it b/c it has some sort of internal switch that operates through windows 98.

i wish windows 3.1 wasn't obselete.

[email protected]

is wishing dave. would finish with the buttsex and get back to what really matters - getting his butt kicked in scrabble.

[email protected]

noticing the 2� hour deadly silence.

[email protected]

Bonding myself to a chair for sexual masturbation/not really masturbation fun.

[email protected]

Go Yankees.

[email protected]

done coming up with a playlist for a mixtape.

have everything timed for optimal listening pleasure. there is going to be 87:42 minutes of music on a 90 minute tape.

[email protected]

reliving again the majesty of the welcome I got tonight.

You really rearrange my furniture, baby.

[email protected]

waiting for another hour to pass by before leaving to pick up my sister at school.

she had a speech tournament today.

i adopted a small kitten today. it was a bit of a surprise to my parents when i came home during my lunchbreak, my mom even seemed a bit mad.

i'm allowed to keep her, but i will be responsible for getting her spayed and all other financial matters involving her.

i've named her sylvie...she's a silver cat and the name sort of slides...

[email protected]

drinkin'
cookin'
listenin' to king oliver with louis armstrong.

i'm making venison chili 'cause my man leon - "the great whitey hunter" - tells me he's going to take a week off to kill deer and i still haven't finished eating the venison he gave me last season.

Really wanting the Yankees to win this game tonight.

[email protected]

studying

and also noticing that Yankees win 7-5

and wondering when baseball got so lame as to have managers call such finite and soulful things as pitches.

wondering why at 12:18 why my cat chooses to rrun all over the place while all day he lies on the divan

WE HAVE NO MICE!

worked 'till 11. the mexicans came in at 10:15, bought one pair of shoes, then messed up the entire department and gave me a headache. they didn't know english, didn't know american sizes. it was basically "i want two sizes bigger" "we only have this size."

they turned on the shoe-size piano that i'd turned off at 10, played with the electronic shoe that makes all this noise. i was lucky to have some asprin in my purse.

fu, mexico!

telling sarah that the phish shows at shoreline were wonderful. i love hippies. great music, great people, bubbles, candy, weed, grilled cheese in the lot.. ah, too bad they're taking their first long break from touring in 17 years.

telling kerri that the dsl is screwed because pacbell is screwed. DON'T let them send you a usb modem - they have a 50% d.o.a. rate.

[email protected]
http://www.torturechamber.com/hippyflip

shaking his head.

My roommate just called me at work. He has been calling our ISP frequently trying to get our horrible DSL problem ironed out. It constantly dies out, our gateway is in LA (WAY too far away. We go through 3 routers to get to our gateway) causing huge lag and it just pretty much blows compared to expected DSL performance.

He found out that two months before our DSL was finally installed, they stopped offering service in this area. Huh? Also, they had "cancelled" our order but hadn't told me about it not given me my money back. Nor had they told NewEdge Networks (who installs the DSL lines and sells them their DSL). Had we not called them, we could have had crappy free DSL for life.

Don't know what will happen now. Hopefully we'll be able to make a graceful transition to a much more local DSL provider. Chances are, this ISP who couldn't give get me DSL until they stopped trying will make things hellish for a good while.

[email protected]

playing with sylvie and checking this out at the same time.

i have a paper to write tonight for wednesday. how fun!!!