I saw Sha in the hallway in the middle of a big crowd of people. We were walking too far away and saw each other too late to smile in greeting, and I don't know him well enough to yell to him.

yesterday I saw him walking with a short cute girl. whenever I see a good looking boy walking with a good looking girl, I always assume.

I keep seeing him. every day this week. he's got a lovely smile and I really want to know more about him.

In need of some ideas for revenge.

I want to make the jerk who toyed with my feelings scream MY name next time he and his decrepit gray mule go at it.

Should I stride past him in fishnets or let my fire red bra strap peek out just a little thru my blouse.

Men are visual, tell me kind sirs; what's the sort of thing that stays in your mind and gets you ruminating about the one that got away. He still looks and I know she hates me for it, how can I make it worse?

don't waste your time. just find a replacement and fuck his brains out good.

better yet: find a replacement and fuck her brains out good.

Huh? I gotta read that again...

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what?

talking to a cello teacher.

realizing how much it sucks when your printer runs out of ink, and your disk drive is broken, and your free web host wont let you upload word or excel files and you happen to have a big lab report due tomorrow...


I miss sorabji.

http://www.ijbaros.com

i really oughta just start posting again.

i still hate school
i cant wait til monday...the next saga meeting (strayte and g*y alliance) i didnt get to go to the first one (last week) but i will monday.
i still dont understand quadratics.

sigh.

off i go.
i really oughta get some money and send those tapes.

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http://ijbaros.com

taking note:
tomorrow at 12:00 noon will be the 10th anniversary of the day i left florida for new york.

i plan to take stock of where i am and what i am doing at 12 noon tomorrow, and compare it with what i was doing at 12:00 noon on october 20, 1990. at that hour i was sitting on an amtrak train and watching the tampa cityscape roll away.

what i am really wondering now, though, is what i was thinking 10 years ago tonight, 22 years old and sleeping in my tiny bed and thinking "I'm moving to New York City tomorrow morning."

Buzzzzzzzzzzz.. who the hell knows? i am sleepy and buzzed and sitting in The Chair and my life right here is good tonight. so i hope yours is, too. i have 3 shelves of piano music, meatloaf in the fridge, beer aplenty, 30-gallon garbage bags for the kitchen, clean sheets, a friend visiting from out of town, zero debt, a quiet apartment. is this all there is?

There is more, but you have to go into debt to get it

Happy Anniversary Mark!

Happy anniversery,it's that time

it is.

thank you.

trying to remember how coherent i was at this moment 10 years ago.. comparing everything around me now to everything as it was then.. all i remember for certain is that i knew i was never going back. now, i have to dip back into a meeting.. i guess that is my life now compared to then. then, i spent hours gaping blankly out the window of the train. now i'm gaping blankly at a sales presentation.

I wouldn't mind beer in the fridge, a friend on the way to visit and NO DEBT.

Congradulations, it seem syou are something of a success!(?)

eating, eating, and more eating.

also: drinking.

beating off

recovering after playing up like a second-hand lawn mower last night. There are at least two pubs I can never go into again.

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letting go.

completely.

http://www.torturechamber.com/agatha/serene.mp3

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wearing sweat-soaked mens white sport socks. not to mention the rest of my clothing.

i just got home from picking up my sister from speech. she placed sixth.

hi, i'm a dumbass, all i do is sit on my butt and write.

just visited "you".......have more fun whatever you do!

ms.mac

sitting here with the worst hangover, ever in the history of my life..which i'm sure is complicated by this cold with accompaning, lingering phlegmy cough..mmm..i feel like crap..hope you are feeling peachy..kisses

considering the subway series. the mets would likely have won the first game if they had sent pratt home on that "bobbled" ground ball. now they are down two games to none. i think they just might win all three games at shea. it's going to be great.
regarding my music, i played well at my friend's home the other night. i realize that my music is completely separate from my work life. i can play well no matter what. i'm attending a master class tonight with a world class theatre organist and i can't wait. i've prepared a new piece today and i'm anxious to hear his opinion. i'll find a job sooner or later. life is ok.

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eagerly anticipating the US release of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon".

Thinkin' how happy I am that the Yankees have won both games so far. They have earned these 2 wins by playing great games and by their skill of being the best baseball team of all time. I look forward to them becoming world champs, yet again.
Of course me being a New Yorker gives me even greater faith in them.
I kinda thought Roger throwing the bat at/towards Mike in the first inning was kinda funny.

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not dissolving into tears, but wanting to. and being in a mood to reject the mechanistic view of the universe (it's just hormones), even though hormonoes are undoubtedly at work today. Saw almost all of 3 romantic movies yesterday (Moonstruck, Dirty Dancing, Pretty Woman) which may have something to do with it and which offer alternative explanations. In each of these movies there was an emotional scene where someone was really, really sorry and said so. Now I want to tell you that I'm really sorry. I really tried, but I had no idea what to do. I did the best I could. Even when you didn't hear from me, you were always on my mind. I didn't always tell you the truth. Well, not the whole truth anyway. And you didn't always tell me everything either. Te amo. I think it will be alright as soon as you take off your shirt...

enjoying another night of great music. my theatre organ seminar was wonderful; full of all the things i love about the instrument. i played for some of the people afterward and their positive response was very gratifying. i know that i am good at this. this is what will save me. regarding the world series, it's impossible for me to favor either team. i was a kid when the mets came into existence and i watched them stumble and develop into a real team. back then, an expansion team wasn't able to hire anyone they wanted and then become a major force within the league. they started out with the dregs. so, i sit back and watch; not getting as excited as i did during either league championship series. it's great to see two major baseball powers alive in nyc again. time was when any one of four cities could have had a "subway series". new york is the only city that ever did.

Stil jammin'

Made Mango jam Sat. nite and Plum last night.
...we be jammin', we be jammin'..

Mark, life sounds good for you, except for the meatloaf in the fridge. Yeccch!

Still making loverboy's neck turn right in front of his old lady. Even with my weight gain (not my fault, uterine fibroid) my curves do the trick; my hips are a dance in themselves when I'm doing the high heel strut. I'm wearing perfume now, never used to; just a whiff baby, just a tease, smells better than some old Safeguard doesn't it sweets?

I'm bad, but just to you.

watching the mets and yankees. the mets just tied it up and have the bases loaded. this is the best.

empathising with Nelly.

But if you have to beg that hard for forgiveness, he cannot love you.

Move on to somewhere with more sunshine and less rain.

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wondering if consciousness is a biological function of the brain

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listening to dizzy gillespie

swing low, sweet cadillac
comin' for to carry me home
swing low, sweet cadillac
comin' for to carry me home

lookin' over jordan, what do i see?
comin' for to carry me home
a band of fleetwoods comin' after me
comin' for to carry me home

old cadillacs never die

checking in.
hey guys
whazzup?

later

[email protected]

I've got a flock of giant birds flying around my living room.Something needs to be done about this.

angry.

first of all, my sister conned me into driving her to school (she missed the bus before it went by, so i had to get up so she could finish her toast).

then i get online, write a nice chatty email, when my computer stops. i can't do anything, i can't reboot it, so i have to unplug it and start over completely.


so, if you've guess i'm in a rotten mood, you're right.

stuck at an airport.

I did not get up at 4.00am and sacrifice a lovely hotel breakfast in bed for this.

But at least there is nice coffee nearby.

in the process of reconciling with a friend of some 32 years who hasn't spoken to me for the last two. it's a great feeling. i love him and need him back in my life.

scored some valium.

never needed it more.

labeling artifacts. the end is in sight!

HEY! I'm a digital artist and I'm sitting in my office right now, looking at your cool page that was linked from a prof's page i found! You travel alot, don't you! Enjoyed the bigpictures! cheers!

[email protected]
go.to/stevenpalmer

Spreading the news....

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These little town blues....

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Those?

wearing a nice new freshly ironed Woolrich shirt. listening to Sorabji's 2nd Sonata, Tellef Johnson playing. making spaghetti. life is quiet and peaceful and fine.

wondering why sorabji moved away from music and into computers. he is obviously very talented. i moved away from music when i should have dedicated my life to it. now it's a little too late. mark, please don't make the same mistake i made.

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god.

godgodgodgodgodgod.


I just can't ever forget Anything, can I?

I need to calm down. If I can get a hold on this it might make a big difference in the future.

I will be fearless.

hey gee, you do what you need to do. don't be afraid.

mark never moved away from music. he plays most days, from what i know.

i ended a friendship yesterday. i'm really upset about it. i had nightmares last night.

gee, whatever it is, you will rise to the challenge.

missing him so much all the shit is fading and only the longing is remaining.

i meant music as a career.

Home from a really cool evening at Starkey Park in New Port Richey. The park has all these cute log cabins for boy/girl scout camping trips and they made each cabin into haunted houses. We really had a nice time. Kim was scared shit after about 2 hours so we just walked around and enjoyed the cool night air for a change. We will sleep really good tonight. Sweet dreams.

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sometimes, making the thing you love most to do into a career can spoil it for you. i'm glad i don't do my most favorite things as a career, because this way i can do them just for me.

i'm still upset about that friend.

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hyperventalating.

mayday! mayday! may have ruined friendship by coffee! all hands on deck! prepare for drastic measures!!!

wondering what my most favorite thing is. ugh.

i like laying in bed. writing bad poetry before i go to bed.

How clever,
You and carrots.
Sitting in a bowl.
Waiting for my fingers
to take note.
To pluck you from
Your world.
All you've ever known.
Carrots in a bowl.

i like sleeping with my light on. i have a nightlight of jesus and one of the virgin mary. i've been sleeping at the foot of my bed. trying out new places. craziness is setting in. not really, but maybe. right?

looking forward to a new week and new possibilities.

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recovering from weekend of crazy fun.

I will agree with Agatha on making what you love the most into a career - it can become frustrating to do it every single day.

on the other hand, I don't have as much time/energy for music as I used to. Trying to correct that. I just need to pull out some musci and play for the hell of it. My problem has been setting these goals that I can't really work for right now. Since I have effectively put these goals on hold for a while, I should just play for the hell of it.

Listening to Radio Sorabji.

If only I were skilled enough at music to make others want to listen to it... It seems that I don't have enough motivation to do anything.

We found out that we have Hobo spiders. Then we found out what they do when they bite you. http://hobospider.com

Shit. Getting some spider traps next-day-aired.

http://dirtyredcommie.com

wondering where everybody is on this eve of all hallows eve. have all the neurotics gone to sleep for the evening?

i came to sorabji.com once in the past, from a link at myboot.com. i was checking it out again today and read everything there a second time, and found the link again. still as good as before.

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wearing a truly fun hat made of construction paper, tape, and a peice of notebook paper.

It's a big black top hat.
No...not abe lincoln.

The Mad Hatter!
(thus the notebook paper..)
"In This Style (i dont remember the real numbers... i put 10/5)"

yes.

happy halloween.

and samhain

and such whatnot.

i really ought to do my history homework. oh. and i have a physics project to do, and i have to finish that history questionairre....and ! I HAVE HISTORY HOMEWORK DUE NEXT PERIOD! Ikes!

anyway.

I have a busy day ahead of me

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I'm sorry about your friend, Agatha. or rather, I'm sorry that you feel bad aboutbreaking it off with your friend.



I'm having a really hard time with personal issues. I've been in this situation before, but I'm trying a different reaction than usual. I feel uneasy all the time, but not unhappy.

definitely, absolutely allergic to progesterone.

well well well.

It's either that or PEANUTS.

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http://www.nougat.org/~cchen

thinking,...happy haloween