popping in to say "hello". haven't posted in the longest time, although i'm here more than you'd suspect.

thinking of you, i am.

contemplating putting a voodoo curse on my next-door neighbors. barring that, i suppose i'll just have to murder the sons of bitches.

scarfing down a bag of andy capp's hot fries w/ my buddy, pilate.

writing total sleaze fiction in my spare time, what little i have left.

[email protected]

second in line, eating cold pizza.

GOD I LOVE MY JOB!!!!

Somehow saddened that I am incapable of sleeping in past 8 am anymore.

today i got a pedicure. you do things like that when you have dates. the color i chose is called Creamsicle, but should have been called Flourescent Peach. obnoxiously bright against my brown toes. but it takes the attention away from the scars and permanent reef rash.

i tipped the lady $10. she just opened the shop a couple months ago and it's only 2 minutes from my house at the bottom of the hill. she massaged my legs and feet for 15 minutes straight. a curiously long massage for a pedicure, actually. but she said she was married. it's funny how that kind of thing makes you wonder, even though you're *paying* her for goodness sakes.

then i went to a shopping mall and bought Outrageous Clothing. tight shirts with wild patterns and funky shoes sure to be uncomfortable when worn for more than an hour.

i don't care. down with practicalities. this is the year of Outrageousness.

time for an hour or so nap. then: surfing. later: martinis. i love weekends.

having the good taste not to post the miserable little story i have to tell.

and you thought i had no redeeming qualities. ;)

in potentially deep shit.

made a really bad trade on friday. in addition, fucked up when i entered the trade.

added an extra zero.

10x the shares i wanted.

on margin.

down 9 points this morning.

12%

ouch.

ouch.

if i had a hammer, i'd be smacking myself upside the head.

ouch.

I want to hear Droopys story.I want Crimson to know I didn,t send her my page cause webtv made it disapear.Are you day trading Nate,if you are you have more balls than me,but I never had any anyway.

[email protected]

waiting for the sky to stop falling

not telling the story out of respect for the people involved. it would seem like an invasion of privacy no matter how obliquely i told it.

here's an unrelated story for ya: yet another alcoholic in my life has has gone into renal failure. she's 29. after vomiting up blood in louisiana she was rushed to the hospital and told that her kidneys had shut down and could no longer process alcohol. the blood puking was from blood vessels in her throat hemorrhaging. they say she'll live, though, and she's been committed to this place called "summer skies" (or somethin') for rehab.

it's always somethin'.

reading email from my favorite people out there. Can only be better by sunshine, beach, and a visit. "the miracle is not to fly in the air or breathe under the sea; the miracle is to walk upon the earth." Chinese proverb from MSN yesterday, or words to that effect. Tuesday, here, rain.

[email protected]
http://www.addictions.net

waiting to get into the field. More hole diggin' today. I am dying of curiosity: Although this is an historic site, we should be finding a prehistoric presence as well, since It's located on the first teraace above a fair-sized creek. Yet, so far, we've only found a couple pieces of fire-cracked rock and a tip from a biface. Very puzzling. It may be that the prehistoric stuff is closer to the creek than we've tested so far. Today, we may find out if they are there.

giggling like a schoolgirl.

planning

told by my publisher "pretend we have a bottomless marketing budget, what would you do? Now do it!"

alrighty....visitn clients in NYC, Nashville, Chicago, and Baltimore throughout the summer not to mention hitting several porn conventions.....

anybody want any signed Ron Jeremy 8x10s?

Need you ask?

just tired. i'm tired of trying so hard. working my ass off at my job. working my ass off at being healthy and fit and losing weight. working at keeping my household together. keeping track of my finances. laundry. bills. receipts. all the fucking SHIT that means absolutely fucking nothing at all. day after day after day of working my ass off to achieve goals that, in the end, are nothing and mean nothing.

i don't want to be a good person anymore. i don't want to be pretty or admired. i don't want to care about the clothes i wear or what seat i'm in when i'm paddling with my outrigger crew. i don't want to have to deal with this constant gush of expectations mirrored back to me from every single person i know and every person i don't know. every single person who i pass on the street who bothers to look at me or who i bother to look at and notice. in a single glimpse of their eye i can see their thoughts, i can see behind their minds and it is either empty or even, for just a moment, assessing me, who they think i am. and it's all wrong.

i'm just a girl. i'm just one small human being and i'm dying inside. i'm dying to make contact with someone real. that's what all this is about. it's the reason i ever bother to do anything or say anything or write anything.

right now all i want is to sit at home and listen to music and read mindless books and eat ice cream and pizza and drink cognac and vodka forget that the rest of the world exists. because if life is going to continue to be this empty and meaningless, i might as well go to hell right along with it.

thus ends today's melodrama.

sitting here thinking of how i was never able to release myself from the bondage that is middle class life. i want to be free, to not work all day long, pay the bills. i want to rise above the dreary darkness that is life. i want to be more than the rest of my family. HHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP MMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE

[email protected]

hating the last two days before a vacation. I want to go now now now!

I guess that means I really need this one. I am trying to figure out if I should go all out vacation and not even work out. I think I won't, and pay for a pass at my old gym.

I don't have the slightest idea of what I'll do at home, and i kinda like that. I'm pretty sure that beer will be involved. Hhmmm, I may can the workouts after all, just keep to the nutrition plan. ormaybe just use my mom's treadmill. or I could just bring up a pair of 20-lb. dumbbells...That's it.

i survived b2b 2000. it was nourishing.

wondering if you can take photos in a gambling casino. (sheila, what's b2b 2000?)

eating a cookiie

hey y'all- you can do whatever you want you know

no kidding

so figure it out and do it. and if you're having trouble figuring it out, take a nap and try again later.

b2b is a 12K, 7.6 mile race on pavement from San Francisco Bay to the Pacific Ocean, done each year on the third Sunday in May. there is a hill, grueling, where someone dies every time, and hundreds of people run naked or in costumes. go to baytobreakers.com and check it out by the time i got to the starting line, the fastest runners had already finished.

But you did it Sheila,you go girl,you rock!!! My daughter really is working some sex cam thing,I found it today,she has a fake name and bleached her hair and lied about her eye color and her size,but it,s her.I sent a e-mail telling her I was gonna spill to her dad and my mom.I,m too flipped out to even think about getting sedated..I feel like calling silent witness.

[email protected]

how about giving us the link, J?

we can fix everything.

yeah.

participating in one of the events that is surely a predominant one in the olympics in Hell : the Apartment Hunt


*kill me*

[email protected]

Taking a break from wiring a DSX bay (I see wires even when my eyes are closed).

[email protected]
www.bortz.net/~joe

expanding.

yes.

i'm the man
who drew
5 O'clock shadows
on all your stick people.

yes.

even the stick women.


they deserved it.

sleepy.

Somewhere, there's a girl wearing my underwear.

[email protected]

it's Friday afternoon.

i've been dissed yet again.

lah lah dee dah, Maceo Parker on the radio and the driver seat booty dance save the day.

i've been eating enormous lunches from the best restaurants in downtown all week. so much that i haven't been hungry for dinner either. nothing makes me feel better than a belly full of fine dining. it calms me right down.

speaking of food, yesterday i set my date for surgery. weekend after the annual paddling race to Moloka'i. August 18th.

tra lah lah.

hey SUE I like the hat...and the mischieveous grin...don't give up.

http://www.youareokayyouknow.com

wishing I hadn't forgotten to bring my Primatene mist inhaler for my very infrequent bouts of exercise-induced asthma (from running outside when people are mowing the lawns all over my old neighboorhood).

Waiting for my fake tan to develop. Mucking about on ICQ. Revising for Cambridge University 2nd year Law exams. Having mood swings - from extreme panic to not taking it seriously enough.
sarah - what are you having surgery for if you don't mind me asking?
Hi T-bone. Hi everyone.

[email protected]

tequilla. bad.

http://www.partypics.com/raceorders/LoadFrame.wcs?evtrun.wcs~BTB~38882

savoring the silence. and the breezes. and for the first time in 3 years noticing that with the windows open i can just barely hear the subway from here.

smelling the turkey my mother is cooking.

still gloating over what a cool job I have.

recovering from last night's gut-blowout feast of roast turkey, whipped potatoes, 3-bean salad, dressing, garlic carrots, and pie. I haven't felt so overstuffed in years, it seems. I guess I went past my limit.

Not sure what to do today. I think I will try to get a hold of some of my friends and see what's up.

Hoping Sem finds a party and who knows? Feeling kinda of wierd afte looking through that box of my old stuff,best I can tell things started going downhill in 5th grade. I really did have A.D.D and hyper to boot.My mother called last night and demanded I get that webtv out of her house,I said I would do it today,she just called me an hour ago and said forget it,she' s going to keep it.I hope Crimson is alright,hope she didn,t get blown away.

waiting

putting off any work i have to do to just sit and stare at random places on the wall waiting. Like if I'm not ready 3pm will just wizz past me. Not that it's anything to look forward to, leaving Scarborough at 3pm to get to Oakville well before 4:30pm where i'm meeting a realator to show me a townhouse that is 5 seemingly unimportant (but VERY important) streets away from where i want/need desperatly to be. *sigh* it makes all the difference.
Time moves ever so slowly when you just want to get it the fuck over with.
Listening to u2 and scanning things that have little or nothing to do with the reason that i am the only one in the building with a scanner. *sigh sigh sigh*
meaningless, isn't it?

realizing that i still need that nap i was planning to take at 12:30 p.m. upon arrival after driving back from Charleston. 6 hours but would've been less if I hadn't accidentally headed east after stopping in Covington. i'd better take that nap. no telling what danger the world is in from me in my current condition.

an "erudite little gutter-punk."

and don't you forget it.

being a chatterbox

having a bad day.

http://www.southern.com/southern/band/GEFRI/collage.html

fucking off and hating my modem or whatever it is in my computer that keeps disconnecting every five minutes.

drove back today. I have decided that while the Isley Brothers 3-disc set would probably go over well at a romantic candlelit dinner for two with good wine, it is not good for driving through wisconsin in the rain, as it does nothing to keep you awake (except for songs like "Shout" at the very begininng and "Fight the Power"). Kittie works better for things like that.

I'm upset.

Fuck I hate my mother.

"you'll probably be glad that Jules is leaving cause its one less person to hassle you about not going back to Andrew'

Thanks mum.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I honestly felt like decking her. Aside from the fact that Jules has _always_ said no matter what I do its my choice and that she'll stick by me, mum hasnt asked me anything about how I'm doing with the fact that Jules is moving away.

How can one person be so damn selfish.

[email protected]

I'm in Montreal for Maurice Rocket Richard's funeral, It is unbelievable how this country has reacted to the death of a hockey hero.

And Montreal is still one hell of a party town.

Wondering how I even
found this site. Hi.

I'm sitting on my bed,
It's cold in here.
Voyager is on in a half
an hour. The only
reason I've been
watching it is because
7 of 9 is supposed to
come on the show
soon, and I really want
to see that episode.
Then I'll do some
painting, or maybe
read for hours and
hours.
My frog is hiding.

[email protected]

Still wondering about that lady who got died on a golf course when a tree fell on her cart. Her husband was in the seat next to her and was unscathed. My mom insists this was the hand of God.

got died.

i liquidated.

it is moving.

i am conducting a poll around sorabjiland:

your significant other of 5 months (who you don't see often enough)'s birthday.....

_versus_

....your closest friend returns from Europe, where they have been for 2 months.

Both these things happen on the same weekend. You can't see both of them.
Who do you spend the weekend with?

if you've only been seeing this person for five months then the best friend has priority.

five months isn't very significant.

the best friend.

Why can't you do both? What are the circumstances? You can't do the S/O in the morning and best friend at night?

You know what I mean.

the s/o. the best friend will understand. s/o's are irrational.

or wait, are you female?

because of where they live. the s/o is an hour, the friend is 3 hours, THere's no real way i can see both of them. I;m trying to image being both of them, how either one would feel...
this of course will be the first birthday the s/o gets to spend with me. its a special thing. but so is being in the UK for 2 months.

see them both. have them both come to you--it's your birthday, goddammit, if they wanna see you, they'll make the plans. be a hardass. have a threesome. meanwhile I apologize for the "got died".

being confused. or is it me? i thought the s.o. was the one having the birthday. being that this is a s.o. of only 5 months, this w.e. would therefore be the first opportunity to celebrate a birthday with said s.o. during the span of his/her s.o.-dom. pretty strong case. won't the best friend be around the following w.e.? or are they immediately jetting off, not to be seen again for 5 years?

it seems to me that a distance of 1 hour in one direction, and 3 hours in another, shouldn't constitute an impediment to seeing both. even if the destinations were in completely opposite directions from your home base, the combined time would only be 4 hours, resulting in a total of 8 hours driving time. From 6 p.m. Friday to 8 a.m. Monday, subtracting 24 hours for sleeping time, that leaves 38 hours of wakefulness, only 8 of which would be spent in transit. That could allow, e.g., 12 hours apiece with the s.o. and the friend, still leaving a bounteous 14 hours to pack, take out the garbage, do the laundry, and stare at the wall for several hours. Unless there are unknown factors such as your having to "work" this w.e. or...
more data is required to make an informed decision...

Nelly is correct. I think you really want to spend time with yuor best friend, and want us to say it's ok. So what does this say about your relationship?

Spend some time with the S/O first on its birthday, then go hang with the best friend. 4 hours is nothing. That's like 4 albums, tops, in drive time.

I drive to Duluth tomorrow. I am excited because I bought some new music to listen to. I am listening to the new Pearl Jam (with Matt Cameron!!) - very good, classic PJ.

Tomorrow I have Exodus (the marley album, not the metal band), A Perfect Circle, and the big one -

The brand new Iron Maiden studio album. I've been hearing that it's THE SHIT. I am really looking forward to the drive tomorrow.

Remembering (from this Santana special on Fox) how boss it was to hear Third STone From the Sun by Hendrix. . . . "my people you do not under-stand.. . .". .
Say you remember.
Wheres' mistaswine . . . .

go with the friend. S/O will either understand or become I/O.

I have to go to Petaluma next week. I'd much prefer a root canal with a rusty 3/8" drill bit.

In other news this week... I was appointed to city P&Z commission; my "S/O" passed her professional certification today; and I drew my once-in-a-lifetime moose permit.

So far it's been one ass-kicker of a year. Now if only I didn't have to go to Petaluma...