I/O
*giggle*
in my heart i want to go with S/O, even though i know that's the wrong thing to do to a close friend.
secretly i only want to get laid anyway. i can admit that!

thanks for the help (and the math Nell) semm, Gee, others...

Saying hi to Jimbabe.

[email protected]

i still think gender is the kicker. visit with the female.

the male will understand

unless they are both the same gender. in which case you're just too damn modern for me.

watching the sun glint off the shells of the Sydney Opera House. Strangely lonely. Beauty unshared is wasted. Or is it? I catch a plane tonight and no one is waiting at the other end. That's the loneliest feeling in the World. I dread it. Yet there are worse things.

whoooo daddy. another lunch time mackdown. i have had four lunch dates in four days. and pms is inspiring even more gradiose luncheon oinkouts than usual. even some treats. my tummy is full.

it's weird. you learn the food trick and suddenly you can eat nearly anything you want and stay little. this is so cool. i wish i had figured this out a long time ago.

honey check it out ya got me mesmerized
with your black hair and your fat ass thighs

food trick?! Oh do tell please!!

in the bummer zone.

I took all week but today off. Took the 4.5 hour drive to the other home. Saw one side of my fambly, saw a friend gradutate, and turned 20 yesterday.
Now I'm at work. My S/O is letting her job/eating habits get to her and is not dealing well.

Makes me feel lonely. One of the least eventful birthdays of my two decades, other than trying to handle my girlfriend crying.

My mother called my yesterday to chew me out for not seeing her, and tell my "happy birthday" in her most hateful tone.
I guess that's an event.

Going "home" reminded me how good it is to not be living there anymore.

Fuck

[email protected]

brokering major deals for pornography.

breakfast: 1 egg + 2 egg whites scrambled with sharp cheddar and bean sprouts and onion and dill weed, 1/2 orange, 1/2 apple, lots of coffee with milk.

lunch (to conclude the fabled Enormous Fine Dining Lunch Week): korean mussel poke, 1/2 of a roasted chicken, spinach salad (with tomatoes and artichoke hearts, no croutons), marinated grilled long eggplant and peppers, mango iced tea.

after work: 1 hour aerobic exercise, 1/2 hour weight training.

dinner (coming up): sushi and sake with the President of the Big Badass Company i work for, and an investor from San Jose and his business manager.

mmm mmmmmmmmmm. if you can't find love, you might as well have great food and cheap thrills.

god knows what i'm doing
i'm here in wellington, new zealand. how ever many thousand miles from you. it is raining outside and it is 1 am exactly. i am about to go to bed.
all i hear is the sound from my computer fan, and it is lovely.
i am content, but the dregs of coffee still flow through me, so i'm not relaxed content but edgy content.
sleep is such a wonderful thing. i am now going to go value it for a little time and wake up in the light.

[email protected]

hey you guys.

remember michael?

THE michael?

guess what. he read the journal. after all this time, nearly a year later, that little fucker got tipped off and read my account of the whole thing. he called to tell me all about it. boy did i feel busted.

but he called to apologize. or so he purported. uh yeah, whatever.

what a fuckin' trip.

especially considering i could give a bloody rag about him now or even six months ago. funny how that works.

staying up too late while enjoying my new ibook. Inside the frustrations, fears and ideals do battle. Wondering if I'll really move to L.A. in October or will we be making too much $ to leave.
My grumpy guy thinks I should sleep.

[email protected]
http://www.chalkoutline.com

Yeah yeah fucking rock and roll baby!

The new Iron Maiden album is the ShIT. Wow. I'm listening to it for the second time today.

Your time will come...


Recorded live in the studio with three guitarists, it's so thick with harmnoy and crunchy as hell too. If you like classic metal, you should get this album.

If you like the newer stuff, listen to the A Perfect Circle album. That's pretty amazing too.

I am such a fanboy.

Up the Irons!

gutted, or at least feeling that way.

i woke up yesterday and he wasn't beside me, but one of his (many many thousands of) sketchbooks was. (i woke up by rolling on top of it) On the open page he had drawn me, asleep and naked as i was. An obviously quick but infinitely delicate sketch, a break from his usual style.
He peaked his head into the bedroom door from where he was hiding waiting watching me in the hall. He told me he loved me and i cried.
i never cry, especially out of happiness.

Now i'm looking out the window, and it's sunny, but he's not there, so actually it's pretty dark.

I,m wondering why Whisper sounds so sad when she has a man in love with her?Do an artist search at IUMA under Sir Jesus,that,s Ryan,he is Prodical Son DJDYSFUNCTIONAL,where it says bands e-mail send him a note to get a full time job.Heather,s site,I,m too ashamed to put it on here,but she is going by Heidi,drop her a line at [email protected] and tell her she is killing her mother and that she will go to hell,mention how you know she,s doing meth.Tell her you can get in real trouble doing what she,s doing.Make her paranoid,and ashamed.

[email protected]

How about Heidi,Heidi,ho

listening to Soulfly.

getting close to done laying out my final report for last year. I love the flow you get going doing this sort of thing, and Soulfly has been the most appropriate music, I have just decided, with it's mix of groove, thrash and sheer edginess. Can't wait for the new album.

1/84

On lots of cold medicine and caffeine. Let's just say this isn't my most productive day at work....

[email protected]

i know what to do

I'm gonna ....

wishing dave weren't really fucking pissed off at me.

if he doesn't get over it, I'll take you on.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, typing on my PowerBook (sitting atop two electric-fan boxes in front of a window) in a precarious and unergonomically correct position and preparing to update my site. A Google search on "Louis Armstrong Park" (the location of the studios for WWOZ, a New Orleans radio station) turns up a entry from Sorabji.com at No. 6 in the first 10. So here I am, 11 p.m., T-shirt and jeans, copy of Paul Beatty's "Tuff" beside me, wife watching a Bravo special on Vera Wang on the television behind me.

[email protected]
http://www.allaboutgeorge.com/

miraculously, the new guy called for a second date. and i even like him. he's getting a ph.d. in philosophy and he makes me laugh and he was stoked when i brought him a plant and nat shermans and the herbaliser.

this dating shit has been going worse than any single person should tolerate. it's been unbelievably dismal. so at this point, i'm keeping my expectations to the absolute minimum. i figure if this one can at least remember my name after the 2nd date, i'll be way ahead.

2/84

got the shakes.
w
w
oo

happy for Sarah. J, be careful. Work is CRAZY today.

[email protected]

fighting psychic land wars in my own private south-east asia.

beng! beng! beng!

original sufferhead!

lock and load, pointman.

she has your back.

http://www.femikutimusic.com/

waiting on a ticket.

gonna fly out to Portland for the weekend before the 4th.

In a web design class, yawning.

I wish I had a game boy.

66/84

INSOMNIA. I don't get it very often. Hubby is in Petaluma, where I wish I could visit (see my old buddies, what the heck is HE doing there).

I passed my first section of A+ Certification. I still have to take the DOS/Windwos section. Then I get officially certified.

Kids are good, we've been hangin loose around here. Dog is spoiled, cat is a pain (but wonderful), the usual.

Glad to see everyone is still around. I'll try to go to bed again.

3/84

hot damn sem.

Drinking hot tea and yawping up phlegm.

What happens on 84/84? Are you going to make it?

Entertaining myself at work... I made up a warrant for the arrest of God.

[email protected]

On 84/84, you assess progress, give yourself a few days off as a reward and get back on that horse!

Gonna hit my legs today, usually takes about 35 minutes. I know I hit a high point when they feel wobbly after a group of sets.

laughing at the entrance message I got today..

This is sorabji.com:
Sorabji.com is a New Zealand-based television production, purchasing and distribution company supplying compiled packages of focussed, appropriate television programmes, marketed under its generic name, to networks or single stations.

Beautiful!

it's all over but the final editing.

959 pages in 4 volumes.

whuh!

enjoying my new studio.......full darkroom...full studio space with every lighting possible.......look forward to gettin down with chemicals and paper tonite....last night was so god damn theraputic..........imagine this.....having half a basketball court to yourself...in the dark with nice easy-on -the-eyes orange safe- lights.....Roland Kirk cranked as loud as you wanna cause there ain't any neighbors to bitch....a cold one on the shelf in front of you.....seeing images come to life...giving life to an otherwise dull white piece of paper....this is fruitful living damn it!

[email protected]
http://members.nerve.com/waffleboy/main.html

readying myself for the final stretch to Aruba on Friday, scratching the backside of my throat with coconut and crackers, and wondering if I can pack 80 hours of teaching into two suitcases. Someday I'll get one of those nifty projectors I can hook to my Compaq 1823. Donations accepted.

communities.msn.dlsmithsmspresscom

getting set to print print print.

picking at the hole in my head.

the other morning i carved a gash in my skull during my daily razor-to-dome ritual. it's kinda strange how those wounds work: you don't really realize you've damaged yourself until you look up into the mirror and see rivers of blood streaming down your face and that hunk of flesh hanging off your mach 3.

funny how a few streams of blood can transform you from a semi-respectable looking man into charlie manson at the height of helter skelter frenzy.

i blame it all on the monkey. had he not called me at work, i wouldn't have ended up knocking back margaritas until 3AM. had i not been all caught up in margaritaville till the wee hours of the morning, i wouldn't have been hacking at my skull like an ax murder with high-tech shaving gear.

see how it's all connected?

i go through all this just to hear dubious business propositions like opening a divebar in williamsburg geared towards transients and college kids.

a bar called "HURL WORLD".

HURL WORLD.

jesus.

sometimes it's best just to stay home.

venting

three times today someone asks me how i am, to which i reply (as always): "fine"

well i'm not fucking fine.
I still have no idea where i'm going to be living 3 months from now. The prospects are becoming dim.

and i just looked across the street at the row of evergreens planted alongside the road, and they all seem to be giving me the finger. They have new ends on all their branches, lighter than the steady green of the rest of the tree, pointed up, and they're all giving me the finger. Go find a pine tree and see for yourself; experience being flipped off by nature.....



that's damn funny.


there's a couple hundred trees in a line going 'fuck the world'.
i'm with the trees. fuckit. fuck everybody.



(and i really am 'fine' now, and giggling to myself about those anarchist trees. I'll be giggling for the rest of the day now:)

[email protected]

i am fizzy i am fuzzy i am floppy

i am deliberately allowing my mind not to focus on the task at hand for a minute.

o.k. it's over. back to work.