trying to get my head together for my cousin's wedding this weekend. I'm the old maid of the family and I hate weddings now. Happy for her and succeeding thus far at not being terribly jealous; but by the next one it'll have worn in just that much more, I've got more chance at being struck by lightening than finding a suitable guy.

i am sitting here pondering. wondering why i am here. i mean why did god put us here,we live to die and when we die where do we godo we go to hevan, or hell. im pretty sure im going to hell but who knows maybe i wont go any where, maybe i will become undead and walk around the world as a vampire( i can only hope) that would be neat.well get back to me on thisor something.

[email protected]

Deciding if i want another slice of frozen pizza, if I should play online monopoly, what cds to fall asleep to, when to go back to school to get that doctorate, & if I should just go away someplace.
April is clearly here.

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thinking that There are approximately 809 times 10 to the 75th power (that's 809 with 75 zeros ahead of it)atoms in a cubic lightyear.

grumping.


apparently some asshole decided to take his life in front a subway train across the street, potentially hindering my commute home.

i like the potato stories, too. and i liked patrick's story. that hinderance of commute aspect of the story gave it a sense of tragedy.

Its still winter.

Pay me attention dammit.

climbing inside.


im wearing my sassy pants today, with my sassy shoes.


feel my butt

Preparing for Mom to arrive in 7 days.
For the first time in my adult life, I am for some reason looking forward to seeing her.
I hope it's going to be a nice visit.

[email protected]

waiting to be struck by lightning.........

Late for work again today
Somebody's lying down on the job again

Will you people please stop jumping under my train
Ladies and gentlemen, there will be a slight delay
While we hose the blood away
(And the clock keeps ticking...)

So I spent my evening wishing I was never born
Drinking toasts to that hood with the hooves and the horns
Because the roaches won't do the laundry no more
And the rats refuse to fix the holes in the floor
Water comes through the ceiling...

I asked a pig if he wanted to dance
He says is that a 45 in your pants
Or are you just happy to see me? (rim shot)



--CSC

I'm going to a wedding today. I have to organise what the fuck I'm wearing, but my hairdresser is doing my hair.

sweet

wanting to throw something to silence a co-worker who is coughing incessantly.

Hey Patrick, Toss him a bottle of hycodone syrup.

my parents just called from Laurel, MD. They're checking out where they used to live in Savage, MD, and are checking out the cherry blossoms in DC. They're going out to have crabs tonight and see the Yanks play the Orioles at Camden Yard. They're so fucking cute.

I am learning how to lose as much as I have learned to win in life. After being turned down for the Fulbright to Zambia, not receiving funding for the USAID internship in Zambia, and my Captain pilot brother just returning from Afghanistan...I amlearning that losing may be winning after all...with the lesson that being homebound for once isn't that disenchanting after all. Hopefully, I will land a summer internship soon...

[email protected]

Thinking of the astronomical number of plastic bags killed by drivers each day on the highway. Unfortunately they seem to be ignorant of clearly marked pedestrian lanes. Worse, they seem to think they can cross the freeway. Just because you float doesn't mean you can't die.

[email protected]

so tired.

it's all coming at me at
once from all sides.
they all want final
reports and
management
summaries
immediately.

will i ever get some
time off?
if i could only get laid.

sigh.

"The Osbournes" i sthe
most brilliant show on
all of TV.

Yay I finally got my sims on a hot date.

How sad that this is the high point of my day.

Yay I finally got my sims on a hot date.

How sad that this is the high point of my day.

Remembering the great British Productions "Rumpole of the Bailey" with Leo McKern and "Yes Minister"

tortilla

Wondering what the fuck I'm doing.

thinking about a radio interview i heard last night with archbishop desmond tutu. refering to his battle with prostate cancer, he said that it might not be to bad if everyone got a terminal disease. the threat of death focuses your mind, hopefully on the good.

i saw that e.r. episode a couple of nights ago with that doctor who was dying of a brain tumor. apparently he left the hospital at the end to go live the remainder of his life to the fullest. i met a guy in real life once who was dying of a brain tumor. he didn't seem to be living life to the fullest. he just seemed to be wandering around waiting for it all to be over.

Yup, Dr. Green left to go live out the rest of his life without anymore treatment.
Cried like a baby. Couldnt help it.

[email protected]

Sem we have the same taste,The Osbournes is one of the best shows on t.v.,it's so funny to see Ozzy react to his life,I totally relate,he's all pussy whipped and that little glass of wine he's always has with him,he has an older daughter Aimee that wants nothing to do with the show.Amee called me collect from jail the other day,she got into it with Jerry and he called the cops on her with her cell phone that he broke after he called them,I hate that son of a bitch,though Amee's no prize herself.I worry about the baby,he's always sick and he's so little for his age.Amee had him wearing these overalls the other day that I had bought for Jonathon when he was 6 months old,Orion is a one year old.He is so sweet,I'm going to try and talk her into letting me take care of him during the week,he never got sick when I watched him,plus babies thrive on attention,and Amee is too self-absorbed to give him that.He sure loves me and my s/o.

[email protected]

This might be cruel.....but I heard this song this morning, and I thought of Sem:


Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now, how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way

I got in town a month ago
I seen a lot of girls since then
If I could meet 'em I could get 'em
But as yet I haven't met 'em
That's how I'm in the state I'm in

Oh,
Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now, how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way


Another fella told me
He had a sister who looked just fine
Instead of bein' my deliv'rance
She had a strange resemblance
To a cat named Frankenstein

Ooh, la,
Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now, how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way


It's hard on a fella
When he don't know his way around
If I don't find me a honey
To help me spend my money
I'm gonna have to blow this town

Oh, no
Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I've got some money 'cause I just got paid
Now, how I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way

**********

Sorry, Sem.

(let she who has a date on saturday night cast the first stone.)

i hope that was the sam cook version.

never drinking again

i hope

Hearing the last waning "kshik kshik" of the Super 77 spray adhesive before it runs out on me. Spent the bulk of the day spray mounting a poster presentation for my boss. And now the can is just about out (it wasn't brand new when I started this morning, don't worry). So let's see, that's 16.5 ounces of spray adhesive which I've inhaled over the course of...hmmm..well, no wonder I'm floating. =)

Graphic Design. It's not just a job, it's a hallucinogen.

Don't you love it when Kinko's undercharges you?

And, I'm passing by Ritmo Tropical to get my suegrito the newest release of Sonora Carruseles. Something for his birthday.

Song of the day: "Beautiful and Dangerous" by Desmond Dekker

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The only thing that
would offend me about
that song would be if it
wasn't the Sam Cooke
Version.
I think that I would like
to hear Desmond
Dekker do it.

Saturday night, I went
to see the anime
"Metropolis" by myself.

wasting time. realizing that time is finite. you use it all up and then you don't have anymore. i'm in a lovely mood.

today, i was helping my student asst with the URL checking and fixing, I had copied a url from a link and wanted to go somewhere else and then paste it in and see if it worked. By accident, I clicked a "random yahoo"link that was hanging around on my personal toolbar. PORN! PORN! and MORE PORN! started popping up. This innocent Bulgarian lad was exposed to the shock of seeing me frantically trying to close all those windows, with male and female appendages peeking out everywhere.. I can directly attribute responsibility for this embarrassing incident to sorabji.com.

http://www.happy-box.com/

Moving all his websites to Bermuda and then going to the beach for a few.

My woman wanted more than a man could steal from the bottom of the decks where I learned to deal..and it got me living on the run.

Dont know why Im thinking of that song. Its been a long time since I sat in front of a toasty fire in the middle of a pine valley, drinking beer and burning broken lawn chairs.

[email protected]

I don't know if it was Sam Cook, but the singer substituted "some chick to talk to" for "someone to talk to."

Does that help?


I don't want a date for Saturday night.

Wondering why Spider does not want a date for saturday night

damn suyn` keyboardfjkldjf

I'm funny that way.

I am at work

Dangling a sour punch straw from my mouth in slight boredom as I await my departure for today's courier run.

Also in quiet anticipation of watching tonight's den couch feature, "Mulholland Drive", perhaps with a good helping of hot ovaltine and cookies.

Adrift in the repetitive whirring and churning of the trusty Epson inkjet. Ah, the sounds of industry. Sing to me, my micropiezo technology...

Song of the day: "Seventh Dream of Teenage Heaven" by Love and Rockets

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Listening to Mtv2 - It's
the Res song "They
say vision."

I really like that song. Is
the rest of the album
anything like that, does
anyone know?

starting to get suspicious. just can't believe that ALL THOSE TOILETS lying about on the sidewalk, etc. happen naturally.

even granted the photographer has a keen eye, constantly on the lookout

if some "arranging" has been done, what I want to know is, how does he get them to the site to be posed, when he doesn't have a car. does he put them in a TAXI?

wasting time. I am the world's greatest time waster. Took a mental health day today, had a whole laundry list of stuff to get done, and have I done any of it? Hell no. Got up late, read the paper, drank coffee, checked e-mail and the posts here, and fucking half the day's gone. Now, how to waste the rest of the day?

so here's how I wasted the 2nd half of my day so far: studied, had Wendy's, cleaned up this pigsty a little, went fishing -- 1 flounder, too small, threw him back. Had I caught a brace (a senate? a pod?) of them, I'd be having a fish fry tonight. How's about you?

listening to Melt Banana, drinking coffee.

This should cure my heartburn.

just noticing the
"obscure Links" link
down there.

Sitting content like a lion in the shade on the savannah, having eaten a great Indian buffet of dal, masala and other goodies. *urp*

"Mulholland Drive" was the Lynchian madness and nightmarescape which I'd expected...quite entertaining, at that.

Ah, the top 100 hits of 1978. What a year. I bow to you, you audio-streaming morsel of delight which serves me such delicacies fit for a king.

Song of the day: "Emotion" by Samantha Sang

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MMM...colon polyps

I am so content!
I am sitting here working on three servers, with three monitors and three keyboards and three mouses and I could not be happier!

you should check out KVMs and you'd be much happier, spunky

about to go get drunk.

This weekend I am
going to see P-funk.

How about that,
spunk?

hey sem, why not ask that Trader Joe's chick to go out and get drunk with you tonight? Well, don't put it that way, but ask her out for a drink or two?

thinking sem should TOTALLY go at it that way.


"hey, so like i was wondering if you'd like to go our and have an honest and totally innocent date getting really shit faced while getting to know each other.

sometimes such brutal honesty can be an asset.
the nice guy approach hasnt worked yet, might as well.

I'd say yes. As long as you promised tequila shots.

I have KVM switches, but I need to see all the monitors at the same time to watch them talk to one another.
Who is P-funk?

Sem! I love that Res song too! Isn't that woman (the lead singer) so sexy?
You'r going to see P-funk? Sweet!
Flashlight! Soul is a hamhock in your cornflakes.

thinking moonit is my kinda girl.

id be nothing but the best tequilla.

Potron or Hornitos.

wondering why the new zealander is the only one on these boards who knows that tequila is spelled with one L.

more convinced than ever that moonit is a sexy thang.

i have found that i much prefer my straight tequila shots with a mexican beer chaser rather than salt and lime.

damn good thing i'm already in a wheelchair.

advising

it just feels right when typing.

lately i've been doing that too, noticing angry sam getting a shot of Potron with a beer.

much better to sip than shoot in my opinion

fixing her second flat in a week.

damn bicycle.

thank goodness that tubes are only $4. and patch kits are less than that.

bahahahaha....

i'm thinking of going to the captured! by robots! show tonight, but i'm not sure. must fix flat first.

looking at a lovely picture of Mark:

http://www.dieoff.org/ass.gif

I'm so happy. I'm the happiest in the world. I'm not sure I've ever been this happy. You know what's really great about it? It's not just happy, it's content too.

I feel like my dreams are all coming true. Everything is not perfect on the outside, but inside I've never felt more Right. I feel like I've just been born.

No, it's not a boy. It's just my life.

Oh Dr. Oopy, you say the sweetest things.

I'm a shooter girl. Gotta have the lemon and salt.

I don't flinch anymore. I wonder if thats a good or bad thing.

Folks,JIMINY GLICK interviews "Meathead" (not meatloaf) tonight on Comedy Central at 9pmCentral.

Sitting around in my underwear, dead tired, wondering why I don't just go to sleep. How lame.

listening to radio news story about an irish . . . slave? stolen as a girl by pirates from barbados

sounds likes trip me heard that story on npr about the new kate mccafferty novel set in something like 1558 to 1603 when the british government, not pirates, were sending thousands of irish people to barbados as indentured servants (but basically slaves).

even happier.

I love everything.

trying to pass the lunch break (u cant eat at noon)

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wishing that i were in the park, sleeping.

Hitting on the bingo gals via icq....naked!!!

Last night I had to tell the man who Heather was working for as a private nanny for their 25 month old twins why she was quitting,why I didn't want her to go to France with them,I was very blunt and called his french wife a bitch and told him why she was,he still wanted her to work for them.Go figure. In other news,when my brother and I went to the bank last monday,we took out money from her checking and savings,friday they called and said they weren't suppose to give us the money from her checking account and to bring it back,I don't have a problem with that I still have the checks and haven't decided what to do with them and we will eventually get the money,but my brother is being an asshole as usual and won't give them the money.The little fucker has always been a greedy piece of shit,anyway this is really going to fuck things up as her home owner association fees are automatically deducted from that account and we had left(we thought)$500.00 in the account till I buy my brother out of her townhouse.The lord works in mysterious ways.I'll have a place to escape when the madness gets too much.My lawyer left a message when I was out yesterday and he told me not to worry or lose sleep over it.I never sleep,I just pass out.

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cursing his choices

going to bed (in europe)

Hi M�lissa,it's me karyne...hahaha !!!
have a good chance with your boyfriend Steve...
I love you so much for the rest of my life.
your best friend
karyne xxxxx

[email protected]
my best m�lissa

What the HELL do you
think you're doing?

I dunno about you, but I'm being incredibly fucked off.

I feel like screaming.

I really like the new things Mark has done on his site and there's a new story he wrote that was very interesting.Thinking he should post more pictures of his adorable nephew Dylan.

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a rabid wolverine in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes
I guessed, 'Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie?
Is it Bob or Joe or Walter?
Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?'
I probably would have kept on guessing
But about that time we crashed into the truck
And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
When I accidentally stepped into a alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr
They sucked out my internal organs
And they took some polaroids and said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go
And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then the disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
When I got a nasty paper cut
And, well, to make a long story short
It got infected and I died
So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates
And it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code
Well, he lets me into heaven anyway
But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity
And every day he runs by screaming

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

Mark is possibly one of
the most eloquent
folks around. Thanks
for the new stories.

listening to my cat play my guitar.

a few months ago i chock full o' nuts coffee, just because it was cheap. later on i noticed that the label has the new york skyline on it, twin towers included. i kept it.

Everything's coming up Milhouse!

wishing i lived in Washington so I could protest America's policies towards Israel and Palestine.

Mark, now that you've got some time off, please write a story every day. Thanks in advance...

Tired and happy as
hell-no sleep-got
home about an hour
and a hlaf ago.

not typing well.

see new thread.

ignoring my hunger pangs

ignoring my hunger pangs

Ignoring Patty's Hunger Panges....
And trying to figure out what to do for Eri's 28TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Happy Birthday Eri!

today's my Pa's birthday too. And the 7th anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing. And my 3rd (!) year on the current job.

Wishing I had something alcoholic so that I can forget this tomorrow's birthday!

sounds like you had
your wish.

I'm wathcing most
controverisal videos,
and they are playing
the second half of
Michael Jacksons
"Black or White" (not
the first half). This is on
Mtv2 and it's hosted by
Andrew W. K.

This video isn't
controversial, it's
hysterically funny byt he
way.

"HhhhOOOOOO!!"


Ho-oooooh!

What a funny guy.

feeling incredibly empty, used-up, what have you.
i was angry earlier, but i'm so...i can't even describe it. i hardly even feel much of anything these days.

[email protected]

I've got stuff happening. Stuff. Somebody help me. I don't understand boys.

Missing the fuck out of you.

Tonight's one of those nights when I would trade everything to hear you laugh. (Well, obviously I wouldn't trade my butt plugs, but you get the idea).

Someone is playing Morrison just down the corridor.

If they play "Into the Mystic" I will scream. OK I won't. But I will on the inside. Scream, that is.

We just had a picnic/birthday party for Eri. She is now floating in the pool with her new pool lounger, fully equipped with a foster's holder.

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http://home.kc.rr.com/thehixons/index.html

We just had a picnic/birthday party for Eri. She is now floating in the pool with her new pool lounger, fully equipped with a foster's holder.

[email protected]
http://home.kc.rr.com/thehixons/index.html

Fully cooked from sitting poolside in lounger. My ass will hurt tomorrow. Have lovely burn lines. Hoping I won't need to go through all of the Solarcaine. Put on sexy little mini dress. Everyone else went back to pool. Some lady at the beauty salon found out it was my birthday and paid the tech to paint little flowers on my toes. Getting ready to watch a movie.

happy birthday eri !


it is so hot here. On
tuesday the radio told
me it was hotter here
than in L.A., Florida and
Cuba.
it is awful.
And late last week it
was still snowing,
hard. Welcome to
southern Ontario.
Nature, why must you
toy with my feelings???

bring back the pretty
snow.

cleaning up and organizing my big table.

keeping on the sunny side.

listening to Charles Trenet sing La Mer. Great stuff.

Mourning the loss of of of my generations best vocalists and songwriters....
"I have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth...."
RIP Layne Staley

juicy juice is the juicier juice!

wasting time.

heavy, man.

its really really heavy here.

Patrick, sounds like you need a day at the beach dude. A six of beer, some doobage, some chips & sals, some mellow tunes, 5 or 6 dips in the ocean broken up by lazing on your beach towel in the sun, checking out the girls walking by. That's my Rx. Take tomorrow off and make it so.

listening to piano music at the moment. it's quite nice. hoping that Patrick found something better to do than take Dr. Dougie's advice. a six pack won't fix anyting.

started a new book today called the Four Agreements. i recommend it to anyone who cares about truth and love. maybe that's what Dr. Dougie needs.

Have a beautiful day!

Got dark, thought I'd take a taxi home cause it would be safer. Taxi crashed. Walked the rest of the way.

I'll stick it deep inside
Cause I'm loose
And I'll stick it deep inside
And I'll stick it hey

mel, are you ok? once, i was in a taxi that crashed. it was a pain in the ass. what happened?

drunk listening to reggae on 88.1 WERS Boston trying to conjure the focus of mind to complete my task: compile and upload an updated installer for the quantum explorer.

[email protected]
http://web.bu.edu/smec/qsad

The Next Place...the next place that I go..will be as peaceful and familiar..as a sleepy summer Sunday and a sweet,untroubled mind.And yet..it won't be anything like anything like any place I've ever been..or seen..or even dreamed of in the place that I leave behind.I won't know where I'm going,and I won't know where I've been as I tumble through the always and look back towards the when.I'll glide beyound the rainbows.I'll drift above the sky.I'll fly unto the wonder,without ever wondering why.I won't remember getting there.Somehow I just arrive.But I know that I belong there and will much more alive than I ever felt before.I will be absolutely free of the things that I held onto..that were holding onto me.The next place I go will be so silent and still..That the whispered song of sweet belonging will rise up to fill the listening sky with joyful silence,and with unheard harmonies of music made by no one playing,like a hush upon a breeze.There will be no place of darkness in that place of living light.Where a ever-dawning morning pushes back the dying night.The very air will fill with brilliance,as the brightly shining sun.And the moon and half a million stars are married into one.The next place that I go won't really be a place at all.There won't be any seasons-winter,summer,spring or fall-Nor a Monday,Nor a Friday,Nor December,Nor July...And the seconds will be standing still...while hours hurry by.I won't be a boy or a girl,a woman or a man.I'll simply be just simply me.No worse or better than.The body I once lived in won't be part of me at all.I will finally be perfect.I will be without a flaw.I will never make one more mistake,or break the smallest law.And the me that was impatient,or was angry or unkind,will simply be a memory.The me I left behind.I will travel empty- handed.There is not a single thing I have collected in my life that I would ever want to bring..except...The happiness and memories and magic that we shared.Though I will know the joy of solitude...I'll never be alone.I'll be embraced by all the family and friends I've ever known.Although I might not see their faces,all our hearts will beat as one,and the circle of our spirits will shine brighter than the sun.I will cherish all the friendship I was so fortunate to find,all the love and all the laughter in the place I leave behind.All these good things will go with me.They will make my spirit glow.And that light will shine forever,in the next place that I go.A fine book by Warren Hanson

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glad to have made the effort just now to go outside and find what businesses around here are open 24 hours. the Getty gas station, the laundromat, the place with the big Chinese-lettered sign, the fruit stand. and of course the subway. holy shit, the sun's coming up.

That was really nice, J.

Saying hi to J. Love what you wrote up there.


Mom was here for 2 weeks and now she's gone. This house feels weird without her.

Guess I'll go up to NY and spend the summer with her.

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wishing that my canker
sore didn't hurt so
goddamned much.
especially while i'm
eating, which is the
other thing i'm doing.
man alive!!

You know those sores you get if you start gnawing on the inside of your lower lip?

I've got one on the inside of my upper lip, toward the left corner. I don't know how it got there. I don't chew my upper lip.

I do grind my teeth in my sleep, though. Maybe I bit myself last night.

Is still at work.
Waiting for something to finish uploading so I can download it and install it....
I love 12 hour days

Is still at work.
Waiting for something to finish uploading so I can download it and install it....
I love 12 hour days

Clearly, the Phoenix provides its owner with substantially more capability than a simple yacht - the opportunity to explore the depths of the world's oceans in perfect comfort and safety. The Phoenix is capable of making trans-Atlantic crossings at 16 knots yet can dive along the route and explore the continental margins of some of the most fascinating waters on earth. And unlike surface yachts, when the water gets rough, the submarine can submerge into a perfectly smooth and quiet environment, continuing on toward its destination, providing a ride unsurpassed in quality-unequaled by the finest motor coach or the most luxurious executive aircraft.

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http://www.oceanfrontpropertyinarizona.com

STILL AT WORK

the sunny side
the sunny side

I read that to my mother,twice,I hope that is like it is,I think it is.The day I realized she was dying,I read that to her,and as we told her how much we loved her,and how we appreciated everything she did for us,she said "thanks",that was the only thing she said,but she did say it.My mother was beautiful.

i just spent 3 hours lying around on my fire escape taking pictures and drinking bottles of guinness and listening to allan pettersson's 5th symphony on the headphones. the back of my shirt is stained with rust from the fire escapes.

doing laundry, and looking at the murky sky outside, wishing we would get a good thunderstorm.

Thinking about my brother-in-law getting out of tech school and my sister going with him on his first assignment. Fearing that they will become pregnant and we will have another baby to take care of. Driving me nuts today for some reason.

Trying to figure out what to wear to company BBQ on Fri. nite. Haven't got a clue. Feel like an idiot.

Missing Eri.
Wanting to go home.

I have already worked
45 hours this week.

I have dinner tonight
with Elizabeth, which
can't come soon
enough. It's been a
hellish week.

not actually crying.

i just put too much sriracha sauce on my fried rice.

thinking about that weenier panhandler i almost leveled last night.


this weiner of a guy approaches me, he's a good 9" shorter than me, at an ATM as Im getting cash out. Its 9pm on hollywood blvd so Im already on guard. observing everyone around me. He comes up and asks for some money.

I say firmly and annoyedly "NO". He then comes closer saying "not even a single or something" and i cock my fist back as the machine spits out my money and i say "i said no man, and you shouldnt approach people at an ATM makes them awfully twitchy and nervous" at this point he steps back and throws his hands up a lil bit and mumbles something.

i went on to say "besides, this machine doesnt spit out singles and the fact that im here is a good indicator i HAVE NO money"

God damn. fuckhead. Im at the ATM nit with!!!! That should tell you something.

If you're going to panhandle have a brain about it eh.

searching Google for a misspelled word, research in order to tease somebody about it properly, and spiralling deeper and deeper into fascination with:

guage.

temp guage
23 Guage at Toolbarn.com
Very heavy guage tankards made from Pewter
SONIC'S FINE GUAGE KNIT CHARCOAL
River guage on the Rio Grande near Dryden, Texas
8-inch guage vs. tipping bucket
SERIES F7343 - JIS 20K Bronze Guage Cock
The Dynamic Virtual Machine: A Platform for Dynamic Lan- guage ...
Cigar Ring Guage Chart

Did you mean to search for: gauge
No, not really - guage is a much more mysterious and fascinating entity

pronounced like a cross between "guache" and "garage"...

listening to Lush and being taken back to 10th grade on those dark drives out to pick up Margaret. The first girl i truly consider "falling inlove" with.

she lived outside of Raleigh, in the sticks. I lived on the otherside of town, almost in the sticks myself. So the drive was literally across town, taking 30+ minutes oneway.


I had this Lush tape. I had a honda civic with green shag carpet me and my pals installed. I had a nice tape deck. I always had dope then.

On those long drives back, id get mega baked and listen to loopy music, the only lights are the occasional farmhouse light and my dash lights.

i actually miss that thrill.

when you are starting to get a taste of independence. Yeah so many other things rock your boat like parents, curfew and school but the small tastes of freedom such as a car, drugs, new music, a girlfriend, sex, hell even the part time job i had flipping pizza's. I was my own, with no debt what so ever. I always had a full sack, new records on hand and this totally hot, big-brown-eyed, big-hipped, big-chested girl with a bob hair-do named margaret who was 2 years younger than me wbut was a bright skater betty in the making.

fuck.

the Lush song is now over

Listening to a Government Teleconference, and giving my part of the breifing

it's Friday, thank God. Feeling weird -- started feeling dizzy this afternoon. Usually, constitution's pretty solid, but girlfriend was sick yesterday. Hope I don't get it. I want to get a kitten this weekend. Will post pix if I get one. My girlfriend had a pet bobcat growing up in Colombia. That would be cool. Today's Arbor Day. Have you hugged a tree yet? I boned one up the ass today.

My cousin and her boyfriend are moving in. The house is a wreck and they want me to put my computer in my room.

Where? fuck.

leaving trees unmolested for arbor day.

i think last monday was earth day. i didn't sexually molest the earth, though. i have bad memories of earth day. the first, and really only, earth day i remember was in 1979. i was at a festival on the grounds of a little country church in rhode island. i was scaling a rock face behind the church (there was a highway behind the church that had been cut into the hills, making rocky cliffs) and my best friend, who was at the top waiting for me, dropped a rock on me. it split my head open and sheets of blood poured down in front of my eyes. i scrambled up the cliff blind and started running through the grounds until somebody grabbed me, laid me down on the ground, and put a tub of ice cream on my head to staunch the blood. i left in an ambulance and got stitches.

my friend showed up at my door that night, handed me a shopping bag full of candy and comic books as penance, and then left without saying anything.

i just had a sauerkraut sandwich with horseradish mustard. now i'm ready for bed.

The Mallard Widows
strike again.

Those insatiable
harpies have done in
their fourth husband,
Ravi Duck. We found
his feathers half a mile
away, but not the
corpse. I think the lion
got him, but he would
not have flown out of
the waterfowl pen,
which is six feet high,
unless to escape
those hens. He
weighed at least fifteen
pounds but was an
excellent flier and did
so apparently for the
joy of it. Usually he
circled inside the pen
airspace, but a couple
of times got blown out
in a storm. He knew
how to get back in.
Muscovy ducks have no
voice, so we heard
nothing the night it
happened. Since the
African gander, Reed,
is busy guarding the
nest of his goose
mate, the widows had
gone back to Ravi and
were merciless in their
devotion. Now he is
gone, they are
cavorting shamelessly,
having threesomes in
the pool and
persecuting baby
squirrels under the
camper. I will not be
sacrificing another
drake to those
heartless hussies.

Otherwise things are
budding on the
mountain. A Great
Blue Heron has taken
to visiting the
neighbor's pond,
amusing their emu
who likes to swim
there. She came after
the funereal of her
previous owner, who
died of a stroke while
on a mini tractor trying
to catch her.

I will have the place to
myself for a month,
beginning Monday.
Some of my thirty year
old seeds have
germinated, the war
with the rodents is on
again, and I am having
some things done to
find out what is wrong
with my brain. I'll send
pictures if they give me
any.

The Mallard Widows
strike again.

Those insatiable
harpies have done in
their fourth husband,
Ravi Duck. We found
his feathers half a mile
away, but not the
corpse. I think the lion
got him, but he would
not have flown out of
the waterfowl pen,
which is six feet high,
unless to escape
those hens. He
weighed at least fifteen
pounds but was an
excellent flier and did
so apparently for the
joy of it. Usually he
circled inside the pen
airspace, but a couple
of times got blown out
in a storm. He knew
how to get back in.
Muscovy ducks have no
voice, so we heard
nothing the night it
happened. Since the
African gander, Reed,
is busy guarding the
nest of his goose
mate, the widows had
gone back to Ravi and
were merciless in their
devotion. Now he is
gone, they are
cavorting shamelessly,
having threesomes in
the pool and
persecuting baby
squirrels under the
camper. I will not be
sacrificing another
drake to those
heartless hussies.

Otherwise things are
budding on the
mountain. A Great
Blue Heron has taken
to visiting the
neighbor's pond,
amusing their emu
who likes to swim
there. She came after
the funereal of her
previous owner, who
died of a stroke while
on a mini tractor trying
to catch her.

I will have the place to
myself for a month,
beginning Monday.
Some of my thirty year
old seeds have
germinated, the war
with the rodents is on
again, and I am having
some things done to
find out what is wrong
with my brain. I'll send
pictures if they give me
any.

not being able to help posting that JIMINY GLICK is hosting the movie "Three Amigos" and at 9:central COMedy Central will have a brand new interview with Dennis Miller and Cheri Oteri guests of Jiminy G.

Thanks for the update,
Sheila. Thos crazy
ducks. It's always
something with them,
huh?

listening to 'Rhonda Harris', avoiding my asignments, reading the news, now writting what I'm doing, now done...

[email protected]
http://www.rudiment.dk/~niller

recalling the Skunk mating fest we heard Sat night. It was literally just off the patio in the bushes.

They squeeked for what seemed like hours. They would stop, then squeek some more. I was beginning to become jealous at his tenacity.

It was such a conversation piece "have your heard the skunk sex-a-thon outside?" "Yes I have, and of course i smell it too!"

They finally stopped. Out comes, one with a little baby clamped on its back, then another one follows.

By the sight, you would have thought they convceived and birthed the little baby skunk right then and there.

laughing at your source code!

laughing at your source code!

Wishing I had some Midol.

[email protected]

In a weird state of
shock.

Wishing my kids were getting better instead of sicker.

Still wanting to adopt another one. I want another kid, not a baby but a kid, so I am wondering if I have a death wish.

Wanting to get started painting the dining room and reupholstering the chairs in there.

Feeling confused about the loss of Fetidbever, and not sure how to react.

remembering an affair.

thinkin that no one
here gives a fuck about
Lisa Lopes, and
thinkin thats a good
thing. i have placed
this laptop on top of a
cat.

Sorry to hear about
Feditbeavers passing.
Thinking that Sem is
sometimes a very
cynical bastard, but that
it's a good thing.
Also thinking that Pearl
Jam is good for me.

since when am I
cynical?

Skooter, I need your opinion!

See my thread on PW Long's "The Shaking Fears" in What Song Is Going Through Your Head?

just listened to an mp3
of Apocalyptica
covering Metallica's
"Fight Fire WIth Fire"

I am in an absurdly
good mood.

thinking the Stone's '2000 Light Years' is a really really really odd Stones song.

i mean, I like it, but its sun un-stones like.

listening to this:

I Want You


Oh my baby baby I love you more than I can tell
I don't think I can live without you
And I know that I never will
Oh my baby baby I want you so it scares me to death
I can't say anymore than "I love you"
Everything else is a waste of breath
I want you
You've had your fun you don't get well no more
I want you
Your fingernails go dragging down the wall
Be careful darling you might fall
I want you
I woke up and one of us was crying
I want you
You said "Young man I do believe you're dying"
I want you
If you need a second opinion as you seem to do these days
I want you
You can look in my eyes and you can count the ways
I want you
Did you mean to tell me but seem to forget
I want you
Just since when were you so generous and inarticulate
I want you
It's the stupid details that my heart is breaking for
It's the way your shoulders shake and what they're shaking for
I want you
it's knowing that he knows you now after only guessing
It's the thought of him undressing you or you undressing
I want you
He tossed some tatty compliment your way
I want you
And you were fool enough to love it when he said
"I want you"
I want you
The truth can't hurt you it's just like the dark
It scares you witless
But in time you see things clear and stark
I want you
Go on and hurt me then we'll let it drop
I want you
I'm afraid I won't know where to stop
I want you
I'm not ashamed to say I cried for you
I want you
I want to know the things you did that we do too
I want you
I want to hear he pleases you more than I do
I want you
I might as well be useless for all it means to you
I want you
Did you call his name out as he held you down
I want you
Oh no my darling not with that clown
I want you
I want you
You've had your fun you don't get well no more
I want you
No-one who wants you could want you more
I want you
I want you
I want you
Every night when I go off to bed and when I wake up
I want you
I'm going to say it once again 'til I instill it
I know I'm going to feel this way until you kill it
I want you
I want you
I want you
(e. costello)
on endless loop with THIS:
Here Comes The Flood Lyrics
When the night shows
the signals grow on radios
All the strange things
they come and go, as early warnings
Stranded starfish have no place to hide
still waiting for the swollen Easter tide
There's no point in direction we cannot
even choose a side.

I took the old track
the hollow shoulder, across the waters
On the tall cliffs
they were getting older, sons and daughters
The jaded underworld was riding high
Waves of steel hurled metal at the sky
and as the nail sunk in the cloud, the rain
was warm and soaked the crowd.

Lord, here comes the flood
We'll say goodbye to flesh and blood
If again the seas are silent
in any still alive
It'll be those who gave their island to survive
Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry.

When the flood calls
You have no home, you have no walls
In the thunder crash
You're a thousand minds, within a flash
Don't be afraid to cry at what you see
The actors gone, there's only you and me
And if we break before the dawn, they'll
use up what we used to be.

Lord, here comes the flood
We'll say goodbye to flesh and blood
If again the seas are silent
in any still alive
It'll be those who gave their island to survive
Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry
(p. gabriel)

[email protected]

thinking, i'm almost done, just another sentence, and then maybe another one, and then the references. but there's always one more sentence.

Margret! hello.

sleepy me. WE had a
kick-ass thunderstorm
blow through at about
4am last night, which I
don't have a problem
with. What I do have a
problem with is that the
tornado sirens went off
for an hour after the
storm had passed with
the recorded voice of
some guy saying
"Franklin County,
Tornado Warning,
Seek Shelter
Immediately." After
about the fifth time, we
got up and went
downstairs and turned
on the tv, and the radar
showed that the entire
storm had already
passed the city and
there was nothing else
coming our way. so,

sleepy me.

just got in.

[email protected]

Just found out about FB.
12 days later.

RIP
FB

Wondering why the hell I didn't tell Spunky about FB. I thought you already knew. Sorry.

Thinking about cutting my hair again, it's getting too long, just afraid of cutting it too short. I like my little rock star flip curls sticking out all over and am afraid to cut them too short.

Also wishing my youngest daughter would get better. Her fever is getting higher, her rash is spreading and she has this weird looking thing on her ear lobe that looks like a bruise all filled with blood.

Avoiding cleaning the kitchen.

Avoiding going into the kitchen.

:-)

in a state of being stoked.

(god havent said that word in ages, wondering why i thought of it now)

my pal who is directing a Rob Halford (Judas Priest) video is wanting me to come on set and shoot stills.

I think I'll bring a copy of The Advocate a few years back where he came out and get an autograph.

Thinking about getting stoned. My throat hurts, and I'm home sick from school. My stomach is also upset... I think it's cramps... Oh how terrible I feel. Oh well. Listening to ambience makes me feel better.

[email protected]
http://lickthestar.8m.com