sitting drunk at a bar, issuing mebbe the last wayd of 2007. enjoying the company of strangers and friends but wanting to be alone. I love that turnscrew word "stranger." overhearing stories and gossips. C. just scattered "2008" sparkly stuff over the bar. some of the sparkles landed on this screen. what is it called anyway? sequins? confetti? crap... hey lookit that a woman just flashed her cunt, apparently without realizing it sharon stone style. she has a twitty spitty voice. looking forward to leaving here but savoring the company of colorful friends and strangers.

having drinks...wondering where MT is!

and wishing all the best year

ever.

murdering 2007 like the sick fucker it was.

happy new year, people.

be good to everybody.

let's all try to balance the love deficit.

peace to you all.

contemplating a weekend. out of slump temporarily. i believe the word is "glitter"? Thinking about the short red beaded sequinned dress I have, which i bought to wear to events like New Years Eve and which I haven't even taken out of the closet in several years, and which was meant to go to the consignment shop but somehow it didn't make it into the car, which didn't matter anyway as they told me I had waited too late and my items were no longer fashionable enough to sell. Classics, that's what they are... anyway all that stuff except for the red dress is still in my car. So much for "clearing" activity and feeling freed to go on to the next stage.

Can't contemplate taking that red dress to Goodwill...

soliciting scorn. please deposit heaps of scorn along my daily pathways, where I am sure to trip over it.

thanks.

I love you!

just got into Hong Kong. Holy crap, I wouldn't wish this trip on anybody. 26+ hours from NY to HK.

adding to my list of things to do at 40. today's task: play Chopin's thirds Étude, credibly. I am there. I also want to assemble a perfect HMS Bounty model ship. and maybe find happiness, but i'll keep it realistic: Chopin and model ships.

getting snookered.

snooking gettered.

watching roky erickson on 'austin city limits'.

drinking vodka and pot liquor.

trying to figure out what to wear to a funeral.

if it's my funeral, please wear your party dress

wondering if it's Heather's funeral, if she'd mind me wearing her party dress, since she won't need it anymore.

hangin' in Taipei. Thai Airways is Definitely the way to travel.

Windex©ing the lipstick from my glasses.

Love is everywhere!

Hooray Eli! Hooray New York Football Giants! Hooray random drunkgirl makeouts! Hooray New York in Stupor Bowl XLII!

NEW YORK CITY.

congratulations, you horrible slut.

i've been thinking about screwing with you again-- and i probably will.

but this time i'm using a condom-- and i'm sure as hell not gonna be in bed when the sun comes up.

and to hell with your bleach-blonde mall-rat make over.

i don't give a shit what those foreign deep-pocket wankers say-- you ain't walkin' too far in those sexy shoes.

the west has hot curves too-- and she looks good without makeup.

bitch.

drinking a Bud in Seoul.

...a new day, a new year.

it's supposed to be the worst day of the year for everything.
and it's my birthday.

sometimes i feel like eeyore.

Wishing Lauren a happy happy birthday, and telling swine that West is best.

my birthday was yesterday. when people asked me how old i was and i said "41", they gave me the same look of pity they did when my uncle died the week before last.

26, day three:
I'm going to attempt to write 100 words every day. Fiction, non- or poetry, doesn't matter.

Band practice went well, decided to start blowing on a harder reed and my tone sounds so much better with the change. We're tightening up, starting to figure out our schtick and such.

Still in a funk though.

happy to be home.

Wishing Mark Thomas a Happy Birthday.

I remember when I first discovered The Place of General Happiness in 1997. I had just gotten my first computer at home, and I was searching for happiness in AltaVista, and I landed on this page: http://www.sorabji.com/tpogh/1997/february/3.html, where Mark is musing about his 29th birthday.

That was the beginning.

I thought, "this guy is so young, but he writes well" and then as I explored some more, "this guy is really strange"...

I was a nervous nelly about the Internet and there were some things on that site that made me a bit apprehensive, but I was drawn in further and further, and I couldn't keep away. I bookmarked the site, and I still have that bookmark.

And, I found happiness. On more than one occasion. And continue to do so.... Thank you, Mark.

holding my hands over my ears and listening to the whoosh

editing, avoiding work

I'm getting as drunk and as high as I can.I'm doing pretty good.

waiting for sleep
waiting for snow
Think I'll go get a snack

[email protected]

waiting for sleep
waiting for snow
Think I'll go get a snack

[email protected]

Eating an Austrian bonbon and waiting for my internet connection to come back.

imploring the people of america to

PLEASE STOP FUCKING WITH CRAZY DUDE!!!

CRAZY DUDE *WILL* SNAP, CRACKLE AND POP OFF MULTIPLE CAPS INTO THE HEADS AND ASSES OF THE INNOCENT. THIS IS A FACT.

maybe there should be nationwide crazy-dude counseling courses to train them to only shoot the specific people that have been pushing them over the edge.

but until then, LEAVE CRAZY DUDE ALONE. or give him a kiss, a hug, and a fistful of xanax. but WHATEVER YOU DO-- DO *NOT* ANTAGONIZE CRAZY DUDE.

bad things WILL happen.

thank you.

Nothing.

bored so i'm looking at random websites-theirs some pretty cool ones out there (google-weird websites), go to the surfboard one

Rockin' out to Dethklok - for a cartoon band, the music is fucking GOOD. Take that, Gorillaz!

at a loud bar reading hart crane. squinting. ignoring the girls at the end of the bar. I dated one of them last summer. it was 99° and humid on a day we planned to go for a walk. it was a long, long walk.

gearing up for the big one.

playing the "describe your last 30 days in 3 words or less" game.

I said "public waste."

she said "waste."

just waste.

thinking of the only time I've heard of oleanders, thanks to Steely Dan:

"Oleanders growing outside her door
Soon they're gonna be in bloom up in Annandale
I can't stand her doing what she did before
Leaving like a gypsy queen in a fairy tale"

reading wayd whiling the way today so faw away

waiting for the storm to hit okc

wondering where have all the flowers flown?

inventing distractions to avoid responsibility

lacking a spiritual rudder.

goddamn rudders.

jesusfuck.

dammit Ohio!

vibrating at a higher frequency.

freqy/

freqy/

freq.

we freq.

you freq.

we all freq.

let's freq together.

but whatever you do---

don't freq near me.

fycking fryqs.

et is:

recovering from the dentist

looking at the cats

watching the snow melt

[email protected]

having Thanksgiving redux. 10 lb. turkey, stuffing, mashed, squash, cranberries, Veuve Clicquot. Can't wait.

sitting at a bar, massaging my left ear, laughing hilariously when the girls touch me on the shoulder and exclaim hilarious things into my face as they move on to the next ear-waggler.

On the laptop in the recliner in the TV Room while some movie with Tom Hanks on TV, baby in bed, dog at my feet, Mom's across the room reading the paper, Father's a five minute walk from the house at the cemetary in his coffin (been there for almost 3 months; lung cancer).

[email protected]

WHY SHOULD I BE SOBER WHEN GOD IS CLEARLY DUSTED OUT OF HIS MOTHERFUCKING MIND??

YOU TELL ME!

TELL ME MOTHERFUCKER!!!

TELL ME!

all my life i've been searching for something/
something never comes
never leads to nothing/
nothing satisfies
but i'm getting close/
closer to the prize at the end of the rope/
all night long
i dream of the day/
when it comes around
it gets taken away/
leaves me with the feeling that i feel the most/
feel it come to life
when i see your ghost...

this cracked me up today:

Further proof that dogs are man's best friend:

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, see who is really happy to see you!

NIN has a free download of part of their new CD: http://ghosts.nin.com/main/home

"YOU AIN'T RICH DOG-- YOU JUST GOT MONEY!!!"

i love that line.

picking nose hairs and surfing the net in my silk panties. really

sources say lehmann brothers is the next casualty

haven't even moved into my place in portland yet... but i'm already eye-balling los angeles.

something about dirty glitter seems alluring to me right now.

maybe i'll slap myself out of it.

maybe not.

testifying.

i'm being pummeled by THE SWAN'S "CHILDREN OF GOD"

if there was music while adam was being cast out of paradise, this would be it.

if there was music while abraham sacrificed his child to god, this would be it.

if there was music when cain killed abel, this would be it.

if there should be music when the day of judgement befalls us all, this will be it.

this is the heaviest music ever.

COME INTO ME LORD! COME ON IN! COME ON NOW! PRAISE THE LORD! PRAISE GOD!!!

this is the soundtrack to original sin.

jesus christ this shit is heavy.

i need a warm glass of milk and a fucking nap.

makes me happy i'm not catholic.

retracting those last statements.

the warm milk was nasty and not being catholic hasn't helped at all.

Being a holy roller.

[email protected]

[email protected]
Kathy's Holy Rolling.

procrastinating as usual. should have been in a church singing this morning but it just didn't happen. The sun is shining, it's beautiful, and I'm sitting in front of a computer confessing my guilty feelings. Sins of omission...

England swings like a pendulum do,
Bobbies on bicycles two by two

I knelt next to her head and she grabbed my wet cock to rub it over her huge spunk covered tits as they bounced about.

THE HARBOR

nervous fretful
sea

unwilling to
talk

unwilling to
keep silent

waves pursued
by waves

glance back
over shoulder

restless sleepers
of the broad black
sea

all night they
talk

all night
they shout

calling hoarsely
one over the other

enjoying a piece of Irish soda bread leftover from St. Patrick's day. It's been in the fridge and every bit as good as when I first got it.

listening to the whir of cars and trucks buzzing past on the beltway.

happy, really happy, for the first time in a very long time.

www.flickr.com/jimdc

most beautiful girl
never seen is a jealous
cunt. hideously.

When I was nine, a lime-green anesthetist
Fed me banana gas through a frog-mask. The nauseous vault
Boomed with bad dreams and the Jovian voices of surgeons.
Then mother swam up, holding a tin basin.
O I was sick.

I always make sense.

that is what she just said.

"You always make sense. You're good."

convinced more than ever that jealousy is a form of insanity.

thinking that this democratic nomination process is going to end up airing ugly truths about america that will further divide this country rather than bring it together. and i don't even need my crystal ball for that shit-- it's already happening.

hang on tight.

it's gonna be a nasty ride.

(and for the record-- the weather in upper volta is damn fine this time of year. i got my passport in hand and my papers are in order. see ya on the other side.)

sending a telegram to 'swine in august of 1983:

coup successful
unity progress justice
considering country rename
weather still fine

responding from antiquity--

1500 years before the age of the fish, nine light-years under the dog star:

the events of 1984 are myth and misdirection: there is no "land of upstanding people" in your world-- they're all still decaying horizontal right here in the dirt beneath my feet.

but you don't have to trust me-- just look into the stars and consult sirius.

sirius knows.

convincing myself that no work can be done before coffee, and refusing to drink coffee.

looking forward to a herd of water buffalo hair cluttering my phone line at 2pm.

We cleaned today, throw out few thing that we don't need.Walked to the library trying to check out the DVD. Had a decaf coffee, check the internet at the local library.This afternoon, a neighbor complained to police about possum been crawled on the fence, and the neighbor wanted to get rid of it. police managed got rid of it.

a storm blew in this evening; so i sat out on my back patio to watch it. i saw the first frog i've ever seen in texas...ever. although it was probably a toad. so i saw the first hopping amphibian i've ever seen in texas.

Just got back from a week in Florida, birdwatching. It takes you places you would normally never go, such as the middle of nowhere in cattle/citrus grove country, or a rundown neighborhood near the airport in Miami. Or the Florida Keys, for that matter. Hokey as shit. The Dry Tortugas are damn cool, though.

Avoiding studying.

Reading semillama's post {{Hi sem!}}. Wondering how His Markness is.

Stopping by to rummage thru this place & see which Sorabjians are still around.

Being comforted by the fact that time passes, friends pass on, but Sorabji.com remains.

in my kitchen listening to danny stiles on the am 820. just like the parc lincoln days, when i think stiles was on the am 710, or maybe am 770. he was on the radio all night in those days. some people live forever.

I'm thinking about Keri. I'll be 35 next week. She's been gone 11 years???????????
She never met my kids, never met me as a mom, never here to hear me grouse about my crazy mother.
I missed her in my 20's. I think I miss her more now. What a shame, what a waste.
I miss her still. She was my friend.
I was one of her only friends in high school where we were surrouded by snobs. snob.net.
love it/miss her

[email protected]

feeling crappy because it is my mom's 50th birthday and she isn't around to celebrate it.

I'm trying to fill the black hole that is "what are you doing"....

thinking about the house i'm aiming to buy and wondering if it will be the BIG MISTAKE of my life....

the black hole that will swallow my bank account

putting one foot in front of the other knowing each day, however similar, cannot be lived twice.

and thus, attempting to make the best of it.

working on two projects (learning balance and finishing what i start) and waiting on word for more group things to start/resume. avoiding sugar, starting today.

very close to launching the business.

a matter of days.

and then what? and then in true modern fashion, we have to figure out how to make money.

wishing Nate good luck on the start of his new business.

visiting... somehow it comforts me to know that somewhere in the universe this place exists.

i've been an off-and-on lurker of this site for a number of years. I really enjoy reading the stories.

still wonder what kind of a person mark a. thomas really is. is he depressed, unfullfilled, what's the problem?

[email protected]
http://flickr.com/photos/strangepics

Shopping for a liver and some of those nifty chocolate covered preserved apricot things.