This is different from my previous job, where I spent many, many long days ignoring what I was supposed to be doing in favor of downloading gigabytes of smut off of teenager's dial-up BBSes and writing long, florid, boring stories which were nothing more than distractions from what I was supposed to be doing.

I both thrive in and get buried by distraction. In the second grade I went to a public grade school where all the classrooms of several grades were in one enormous open room. I spent more time staring down into that huge space and wondering what the other kids were doing than I ever spent "paying attention."

So most of what I learned that year was done so in an effort to simply ignore something else.

I have had many conversations like that, in which one person is simply talking to me for the sake of not having to talk to or face something else. It can be unnerving, but it's rather like talking to someone who thinks you are a compulsive liar and simply smirks at everything you say.

Dan, the asshole who lives downstairs from me, thinks I am a compulsive liar. But that's another story.

 
It's Wednesday night, and I won't be back at work until Sunday. I have a TV in my office, and lately have taken to the pasttime of listening to C-SPAN all day long. C-SPAN is a cable network that broadcasts government proceedings 24 hours a day. It's interesting to spend my day working and experiencing the day of people who do such a completely different type of work. And it's interesting to imagine how many ways there are for a person to make a living in this world, and how many ways there are to find happiness in what you do for a living.

I tend not to derive much meaning or satisfaction in my life from what I do for a living. I enjoy what I do, and am lucky to have such a job, but do not consider my employment situation to be much more than a day job, or a place-holder for the eventual real stuff of life.

I guess a lot of people spend their entire lives thinking they're only in whatever their situation is for the short term.

I just turned off C-SPAN, which was starting to air repeats of things I listened to earlier.

I know of course that aside from the presidency itself, Politics does not interest me. I could not bullshit my way out of a white lie, let alone do it in the grand manner of representing the interests of constituents whose agendas are so urgent that they are simply bleak.

 
I have not written much of anything lately, and I know now why this is. I recently bought a new computer, and the keyboard that came with it is so recalcitrant that it makes my arms sore and my neck ache. At first I thought this must be some lame excuse I was making for myself to account for general laziness.

But I have no interest in excuses or in wasting time. This decrease in time spent typing has been very gradual over the past several weeks, and the fact that I'm writing this here at the office does tend to tell me that I need to replace the dratted keyboard at home.

Tomorrow, I'll buy a new keyboard that is better designed for human use.

But tonight, I think I'll go find pinball in Times Square. Most of the good arcades around here are gone, and the only one I know of is a hideous "virtual game" place that has three lowly (and not very interesting) pinball machines.

I'm going out there right now. Don't miss me too much.

 
11:07:29pm
I didn't go to any arcades in Times Square. It was starting to rain, and the streets were blockaded at random points because of the Grammy Awards going on at 34th Street.

So I got a bus home, played some video games here, got a cheeseburger, next thing you know it's after 11:00 and time for bed.

My hands hurt from typing on this surly kayboard.

Good-night, New York.

One Year Ago