don laf at me.

goddamnit.

i will not live in a townhouse. i've already done that. i don't want to do that anymore. i need land and space so i don't bother my neighbors.

because, you know, drunkass rituals worshiping hedonistic gods and assorted other demented debaucheries don't jive well with neighbors.

i need three bedrooms at least. i need to rent a room to a poor friend. i need to build a studio.

and then, when my equity builds, i will buy another house and rent it out to people who i know. i will charge them a measley rent (80% of the fair market value,) and take 27 1/2 year schedule depreciations on the non-land value of the property each year.

slowly i will build my empire until i have purchased a virtual compound. we will build ammuntion stores and granite watchtowers. we will become a region larger than rhode island, and be granted statehood in exchange for distributing a white star to every flag holding american. we will elect two senators and probably only one representative.

and then i shall make my bid for president.

and i shall win.

and i shall disolve our government and delclare my self emperor.

i will invite the pope into a no-holds barred wrestling match in THE CAGE. winner takes the title of the loser. and i shall win. and once again the world shall know a holy roman emperor.

i will then begin to aquire countries. i shall begin with allies, such as the UK. then i shall pick off the small countries, like cuba. and then i shall tackle the giants, like china.

and then i will rule almost all the world.

then, and only then, shall i strike out against the largest foe i shall have to face. bill gates.

but instead of the plan of consumption and assimilation i used against all other nations of the world, i shall form alliance with bill. bill shall be content to sit at my right hand.

i shall then ascend into godhood, and bill shall become my representative on earth. i shall then do battle for the heavens, and, along with my trusty side kick Hanuman the white monkey, i shall win dominion over all the universe.

and i shall stop time every so often, and while all people's consciousness is on pause, i will put little boogers in the ears of those who wronged me when i was mortal.

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

[email protected]
http://wbanimation.warnerbros.com/bin/Webdriver.cgi?MIval=pb_300.htm

asking Nate: You're still giving me Canada, right?

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Announcing that today's installment of the PJ & Me....... show in the message boards has been brought to you by the letters W and I, the number 4, and Dreamworks SKG's The Prince of Tides.

*silly smirk*

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Announcing that today's installment of the PJ & Me....... show in the message boards has been brought to you by the letters W and I, the number 4, and Dreamworks SKG's The Prince of Egypt.

*silly smirk*

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D'oh!!!

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Its been a long day. Fuck its been a long week, yet only Wed. I so hate the cold, well... not so much the cold but the cold with the horrid Oklahoma wind pushing it into my skin. I feal horrible, the constant wheather changes have made my sinus act up like crazy. Not only that, but I have just got off from an extravagantly busy day at work.

I should be studying for my finals, but I am procrastanating as usual. Only one more to go, yet is is my hardest class. I am so tired of school. Actually I am tired of live as a whole. Today I went for a drive to clear my head. I always drive when tired, it helps me clear my head. I have tried this entire semester to regain the tenasity I have always had in school. I guess I lost it for good last year.

I so miss Ft. Worth. I had the best drives there. So much to explore. I miss my friends most of all. I wish I were there right now, they are all falling apart, and I was always the one to mend the discrepencies. But I am not. I have tried to from here over the net, but that is next to impossible to do over long distances.....

I think I will try to study now event though I never do a through job when my hearts not in it...

[email protected]
unpublished

Canada goes to Simon Karabins.

so moses passes for the son of pharoh, right?

what does this mean class?

sighing heavily. Hopefully some day very soon I will climb out of my financial ruins and be able to regain solvency.

Fuck.

Won't be heard from once I leave work today. Seems the phone company decided to shut the phone off. Something about money needing to be paid for services they rendered.

Ugh.

[email protected]

Returning some e-mails and ICQ's while reading this page..

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Crackin' up!!! I am trying to teach my friend Michelle and her husband Jack from NY how to use ICQ and they just aint gettin' it!!!! They are home in NY trying to figure out this shit and they just cant! I'm getting all frustrated and what really sucks is that they only have 1 fuckin' phone line so I cant even teach them over the phone which is SO much easier...the fact they are using fuckin' AOL aint helpin' much either...God just kill me the fuck NOW!!!!

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Taking a break
my brain cannot handle another word where is mtv when you need it and some strong black coffee would help it's not even midnight and the bed is looking so warm and comfy with flannel and cotton someone just shoot me before i have to write any more papers i miss smelling a christmas tree and sipping eggnog just gazing at the lights

Wondering if there's another AOL embargo on -- I haven't been able to access the boards for days! The backdoor won't open/& when I try to pull up the New Messages menu page/I keep timing out/or a box pops up saying the server is down/try again later.

So who fucked up NOW, Mark?

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A pox on AOL! Just abandon them. Let them know how much their limitations frustrate their users!

Bah!

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Hey Nate -- Simon can have cold-ass Canada. I just want a small tropical island or two -- The Seychelles, Cuba, Madagascar, the Bahamas -- any of those will be fine. (And yes -- I do intend to rename my island nation. I'm leaning towards The Margaritan Keys...)

And will you sell me an ISP at a good price? Just imagine -- RCTerraNet -- total access to the WWW for only $9.95 per month! And throw in a Ben & Jerry's franchise/will ya?

And I get to keep all the tax revenue from the locals & tourists-- right?

rc, torturechamber.com was down for a while.

nate, can i have monhegan island in maine?

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http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/4761

Connected through Internet Junction in Tampa for $9.95 per month.

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asking Nate, in song, if I can "Take Manhattan, the Bronx and Staten Island?"

R.C., I don't think it would be fair to ask Nate if we could keep our tax earnings, assuming he gives us our little enclaves. After all, look at all the work and effort it's gonna take him to achieve these goals. Maybe we can get 30 year maturing Natonian Bonds. Well Nate?

Danipoo. Non Internet people are a riot trying to teach web-ease. And ICQ is so fucking easy.

*uh-oh*

LOL

Oh, and Danipoo, last night with no net connection, I actually managed to have fun with the pc. I found all my ICQ sound files, the ones I created, under your recommendation, to announce incoming ICQ messages. So I kept hearing, "Danipoo," and "Danipoo is ON-line."

Fucking hysterical.

Oh, and I freed up 39 megs of space on my hard drive. Mindless drivel like 1300 .gif files under some folder called "Learning for Kids." These .gifs took up 21 megs.

And I found some .midi files. Awesome classical pieces.

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http://www.angelfire.com/md/pjayboy/index.html

Lovin' Jimbabe!!! I'm sooo glad you hear my name when you come online!! I had all the people on my contact list (except the girls, of course) make me wavs of their voices so I hear each and every one of them when they come online!! Gotta love that huh Jimbabe?!?!?

Danipoo needs to hit the shower and head over to Kim's school to help plan her little Christmas party. Have a great day, honey!!

[email protected]

hmm. to be honest, Simon's rights to Canada stretch back to a few hands of poker (and much beer) around an Idaho campfire.

i am sure i will be able to accomidate everyone elses requests, though. i just don't want to think about the logistics, yet.

as for taxes, et al. you should all rule your lands as you wish.

i just hope no one wants the middle east. too soon will the vegitation turn to ash, the deserts to glass.

my cat has fucking asthma. can you believe it? i was wondering why he kept pissing in random areas the past couple weeks. now i know.

and, the bill is just on time for christmas!

one more question- do the inner workings of our foreign affairs dealings sometimes seem to you all like a giant game of risk? or is that just me?

i just don't know what to make of this world. i really don't.

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http;//www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/4761

Trying to figure out how to incorporate Microsoft Excel and Access Spreadsheets into a Microsoft Word Mail Merge.

My brain is frazzled.

Can anyone help me?

E-mail me your phone number, PLEASE.

:-)

[email protected]

thinkin' she can help Jimbaby. I'll have you know I WAS Administrative Assistant Extrodinaire for MANY years before I became Facilities Supervisor Extrodinaire In Training. I'd love to help ya honeybun.

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http://members.tripod.com/~RidinBareBack/index.html

thanking Ridindarlinpaperclipholdercheapplasticstatefarmfootball for her offer of help. I figured out the Excel part of it and realized it won't work cause I didn't set up the original spreadsheet very smartly. So I did a new mail merge.

As to the Access part of it... we'll find out tomorrow if it will work.

If not, CHECK YOUR EMAIL Ridin!!! LOL

[email protected]

Thinking that our current wargames w/ Saddam are just too "Wag the Dog" to be shrugged off... (& I'm not even for impeachement!)

Wondering how the President of a so-called Christian nation cd send thousands of young men & women into a Muslin state to drop bombs the week before Christmas...?

Realizing that while I am safe & warm at home typing meaningless words/ some ex-altar boy is piloting one of those bombers & watching
those 'precise' little explosions miles below on a videoscreen in the cockpit/& knowing for the first time that
he has actually killed someone.

I'd bet my cat there will be a MAJOR strike on Xmas morning. Just for irony's sake.

So much for peace on earth & goodwill towards men...

Boys & Girls/the end of the third act of The World As We Know It is rapidly approaching. Ain't no telling what the Desert Fox has up his sleeve. (The CIA, MI6/even the Mossad can't track his ass!) So enjoy yrselves. Becuz we cd all wake up to a mushroom cloud sunrise any day now...

i agree with everything you are saying, rc, except your statement about this being a christian nation. united states citizens of other religions or nonreligious types might be offended by that statement. separation between church and state was created for a reason. otherwise, i feel your despair and i am happy you voiced the irony that i was unable to put words to.

my couch is completely ruined. i took it out of the house today, it reeked of piss. damn cat.

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http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Cafe/4761

Well Kels -- I think you got all yr bad luck for 1999 FedExed to you a couple of weeks early! How on earth does a cat develop bronchitis? (Do they catch it from other cats?) And why wd it make her piss all over the couch? (Coughing up hairballs I cd see -- but pissing on furniture?) Is this that big Angora/Persian looking critter on yr website? How much was the vet bill? I figger they treat it w/antibiotics, right? S'not too expensive/is it?

And if you recall/I stated that America is a "so-called Christian nation". Becuz our politicos are always referencing God. Our currency is labeled "In God We Trust". Our judical system requires you to swear on the Bible to tell the truth during court proceedings.And the Pledge of Allegiance we teach our children ends with ..."One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty & justice for all." I don't think America is any more Christain that the 1st person you cd spit on in the street. (Depending where that street is located/ of course.) But the polls all say that the 'majority' of Americans are 'Christian'. And our President regularly attends Sunday services at a Baptist church in a tony section of Virginia. But 2 wks. ago/he had no qualms abt cancelling home leave at the last mintue for thousands of service men & women -- sans explanation -- becuz he'd secretly decided to start a war. With no Congressional authorization. At Christmas. Which is a holiday I don't give a shit abt/but still -- the irony is so thick you cd choke on it. And it makes me strangely sad...

Anyway/I hope you & yr S.O. & yr daughter all have a peaceful & happy holiday. And don't 4get to e-mail me yr new URL.

[email protected]

exhausted. Been putting my portfolio together to try and sneak out of my present job and into another more exciting position where I can con even more of America into buying crap they don't want. Ventured out of my apartment and ran into people I know. If I remember correctly, that's what having a life is all about. I'm not sure, it's been a while.

Working outside of the city is making me go mad. I don't think I'm agoraphobic, but when I return to the tight packed cluttered little city I call home every night I feel a little wash of relief over my body. It may be big but it feels like a community. Conneticut just feels cold and desolate. I loathe it.

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rc, point taken. the whole thing is totally fucked up. i don't even know where to begin, i only know that i don't want war now or ever.

the cat that has asthma is not the fucked up looking one. you would think it would be him, but it was our normally most mellow cat. the vet bill and the meds together cost $210. not to mention what a pain in the ass it is to shove these pills down my cat's throat twice a day. he's not coughing anymore, at any rate. i've got some gnarly scratches already. he seems to have ceased the pissing for now, though. our ruined couch is now on our porch, making our house look particularly trashy. it's kinda funny.

i'll let you know when the new page is ready. it's going to be awhile.

billy, where in connecticut do you live? i grew up there.

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hoping nate gets going with his universal take-over. cuz from the looks of it, we're going down down down down down and i ain't talking sex here for once. pray for our humanity, though it's probably too late. it's starting to look like the books of rapture have predicted this time with eerie prescience.

btw, can i be the tyrannical monarch of the south pacific? please advise.

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surrounded by kids. The office is having a chrismas party for everyone's kids. Something I've never experienced before. Nowhere else that I've worked has anyone had kids. Maybe the owner, maybe. I find it all so disturbing. I like kids and even plan to have some (someday) but the whole, let's bring 'em in to the office is a bit spooky. Plus, one guys 2 year old was playing with some mock ups for one of the products and someone said jokingly "great, let's get 'em hooked young!"
I can take a joke as well as anybody, but the irony is what disturbs me. At least there's some free food.

BTW, I actually live in NYC and commute out to Norwalk. And somehow I feel slightly ill the whole time out here until I head back. My girlfriend says I'm too hard on the suburbs. Well, whatever. No offense to anyone but I just know I can't stand being in them.

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kicking back.

aaaaah.

Got all my labels printed today.

YAY!

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a college graduate today.

12/18/98, 8:13 PM
sheila is:

congratulating Chordata. Best wishes to you.
Berkeley any day now?

sentenced to work all day in the Hell Hole tomorrow. Santa wil be in the Village, and the regular visitor center person is playing Mrs. Claus all day, so long ago I agreed to fill in for her. Now I don't want to, in fact I tried to weasel out of it but couldn't without being a real bad guy what with all the little ones coming to town expecting Santa and the fire engines, the cookies, the toys, the whole crapola.

Of course, in our village Mrs. Claus's absence could easily be explained, but I can't say how.

I shall spend the day telling motorists they cannot proceed without chains and then trying to explain why rental car companies won't let them use chains. Of course, none of them speak English so I need to know the *not going* verb in several languages.

Having to translate Sorabjiish keeps me fluent.

Congrtas, Chordata! Did you march as well? I remember there were no midyear commencement ceremonies when I graduated/which was fine w/me. But I think my Parental Units were a tad disappointed.

And hey -- you rate a double ration of gifts come Xmas -- I hope you rack up big-time! And that you don't have killer student loan debt to service.

Oh & Kelsey (& anyone else who's interested) -- you're an art major/right? Check out this site:
http://www.beso4peace.com . I saw a piece on this kid tonite on Hard Copy or E.T.t or something while I was making dinner. The artist is a 12-yr-old Russian prodigy & his work is awesome -- simplistic/almost cartoonish imagery
w/incredibly profound
symbolism. His canvases sell for up to $20k. And his message is all abt world peace.

http://www.beso4peace.com

uhmm....annoyed I guess you could say.

Had to tell one of the temps that Wednesday will be her last day (we've been granted the 24th off cuz we've all done such a "great job" -- HAH!).

She could actually be a decent worker if I could actually GET her to work. Instead, she spends much of her time on the phone, or doing something on the web. What, I don't know as she has the monitor turned away from the door. But I did catch on to the fact that she had the gall to download AOL Instant Messager onto the computer....now who gave her permission to do that??? She's just a temp for christs sake.....

Give em an inch and they won't be satisfied until they tear you a new one.....shit.

hey daniela, congrats, kudos, and all that. what now? Berkeley or Bust?

[email protected]

I am drinking a hot mug of coffee and contemplating whether or not I should go take a muddy brown.

hey ru a girl

hey ru a girl

Getting caught up. Last night I watched the news for once--usually I don't because I'm in my own little world. There's something chilling and horrible about watching missiles hit Baghdad and knowing people are dead. Ramadan begins today and I think about my friends who practice it. My friends who cannot go home for break. I think about the many people who have been shot attempting to assassinate Sadam Hussein--he's got body doubles and is always surrounded. If he cannot be killed point blank, the UN cannot inspect his weapons, and he is a despot--what makes anyone in the US gov't think that missile strikes are going to do it? We don't even trust our own president!

Ok, enuf.

Kels, I know what the pissed-on couch is like--my cat had bad kidneys...for 17 years.

R.C. reminds me about the Weber I'm supposed to be studying right now. He was the ultimate cynic about church and state. He didn't trust politicians, especially ones proporting to be moral.

Ah well. Back to the grind.

Congrats Chordata. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward to graduation. Like now--in the midst of finals.

Kill me now!!

asking the general public for help in 1. a living arrangement 2. employment

thanks for your kind words.. now for the excitement of uncertainty! i still don't have a job out west, and my housing situation fell through. but the departure date stands. january 18.

single weird female seeks vegetarian homosexual roommate for hedonism in the bastion of liberalism. access to hallucinogens a plus. send a dose to: [email protected]

12/20/98, 1:35 PM
Person is:

WWW.NEWYORKCITYSTREETS.COM
The camera is on the car, the car is on WWW.NEWYORKCITYSTREETS.COM
FREE for all Not gender, age, nationality or creed specific
Share to enjoy. Private property is theft, a crime against nature.
[email protected]

[email protected]
http://www.newyorkcitystreets.com

you can stay with us for a bit in olympia, washington, chordata. luff, agatha.

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Wondering how His Markness is. Haven't seen nor heard from him in a while. Not even via the Bedcam. Does the man never sleep?

recovering.

I decided to drive my shitty '80 Toyota pickup home. It's made the 6-hour drive before, but never in sub-zero Montana winter. The wind-chill tacked on was near lethal.

My alternator died 2 hours from Home. I was only outside for 2 minutes or so, but it took nearly an hour to regain feeling in my exposed skin and extremeties. A weird guy picked me up in a truck even shittier than mine with a top speed of 35 mph. He took me to the nearest truck stop and I claimed a payphone and called people for 3 hours until my mother showed up and took me to the cabin. The next morning I drove home in the jeep. Civilization... ah... BUT...
Today I spent all day in a vehicle again. We drove 2 hours, cranked my truck onto a trailer (sub-zero weather again, but no wind this time) and drove back.

Tomorrow I shall run out, tear the alternator from it and run back inside. I will then try to determine the problem. I hope it's that easy. (It won't be)

My poor truck looks so sad. I feel bad that I didn't treat him better.

I miss the LAN connection in my dorm room. Dialup bites.

I'm bored too. I just want tonight to end so I can have a tomorrow.

[email protected]

abreast of the Markness situation. He's out of town, presumably for the holidays. In an email reply to me I believe he said he'd be back sometime this week.

*Pj hands TBone a big cup of hot chocolate with a hint of raspberry syrup, and a biscotti*

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to most, this is nothing special.

but yesterday, it snowed where i live.

for the first time since the early 70's.

waaaaaay jealous of Nate.

I would LOVE a dusting for Christmas. I know, I know, it's a cliche, but heck, it would be nice. No road or sidewalk accumulation though. Strictly grass and trees.

Was it just a snowshower, Nate, or did you get some on the ground? And how does this affect your world domination plans?

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amused.

Here! Have some of ours!

*offers and armful of white powder*

We've got PLENTY!

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snow didn't stay on the ground very long at all. turned into water and then ice overnight.

my car was spotted with ice bumps.

which is good.

i hate snow.

plans status: no effect.

missing a good old-fashioned shit-storm of lake effect snow, such as we get in my hometown of Buffalo.

I hate to admit it but I love snow.

New snow that is.

There is nothing quite like the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night because your bedroom is glowing. You look out the window and see the snow falling - big fat white flakes falling in the glare of the street lights.

And then, that morning -- to look out the window and see the trees covered in snow. Absolutely beautiful.

I LOVE SNOW....(I'll gladly take some of yours TBone. Just make sure that you don't drop too much over at PJ's....)

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avoiding. there's a dead cockroach in the bathroom sink but I can't bring myself to dispose of it just yet. I need to calm down, make human contact, and then check it and see if any movement has happened. want to make sure its spirit has properly gone on its journey before touching it with the paper towel.

it's warm and rainy, that's why. we're supposed to have a cold, wet Christmas. bah.

Going through the motions of collecting the charred remnants of my life and trying desperately to affix some since of meaning to any aspect of this pathetic existance.

Going through the motions of collecting the charred remnants of my life and trying desperately to affix some sense of meaning to any aspect of this pathetic existance.

in need of Mr. PetRock's work email address.

[email protected]

wishing everyone a merry christmas. selah.

there were hammer brothers in the mario bros. video games, too.

thinking of the nude picture I just got from my internet girlfriend. It's my "Christmas present"

calvin, you obviously posted that because you want to share the picture with the people of sorabji.com, and in doing so brag about the unique beauty of your girlfriend.

you need to send that picture to our lord and master, Sorabji, as soon as possible. You may reach his greatness at [email protected].

of course, failing to do this will probably result in your burning for all eternity in a vat of boiling excrement. it is the season of sharing, after all.

agreeing with nate.
Christmas and all my friends (and my girlfriend) are all out of town for the weekend. I, however, will be trying to down some eggnog without puking and wandering the cold nyc streets. Maybe it's 'cause I'm jewish, but I just never have gotten that eggnog thing. Of course, my girlfriend doesn't like gefilte fish so...
Ahh, the day is almost over and the great god of marketing has been placated once again. A few more liquor ads have slowly made their way to the masses and I'm proud to have written the instant win copy that will go in candy bar wrappers across the country.
Time for a drink and a j and some low pulsating music.

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Remembering snow from the winters of my past in NY & Boston /as I sit here in shorts & a sports bra w/the sliding door open & the ceiling fan twirling. Temps reached up into the low 80's today...

As a kid/I used to ski. A lot/or so it seemed.
Weekends trips upstate or to Vermont w/the parental units &/or our neighbors & a few relatives. But by the time I hit 15 or so/I got tired of being the only dark spot on the slopes (this was a few years before skiing became the Buppie winter sport) & realized that refusing to go meant having a weekend -- or a whole week! -- at home with no adult supervision. (And you have not lived 'til you've ice skated drunk in pajamas on the frozen swimming pool in yr backyard...)

And Rock is right -- there is something quietly thrilling abt the sight of acres of virgin snow stretched out silently before you in the middle of the night. But not quite as thrilling as spending Christmas eve on the beach w/a bottle of champagne.

I cdn't give a fig if I NEVER experience snow -- or those hawkish winter winds -- again!

just existing. not moving. sitting down.

today in the DeKalb Farmer's Market i saw the most interesting looking woman. (It is the best people-watching place I've ever been in.) She was wearing a long fake leopard coat and black and white zebra stripe high heel pumps. She was a light skinned black woman about 5 foot 6, with graying hair that she had in
one big braid
in the back
that ta-
pered
to a
.

She had a regal air about her that made me think of R.C. There was another woman with her and a little boy who sang Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to me.

Sitting in my Florida room with my brother Mike who is here for 2 weeks. Him and I both in shorts and t-shirts not at all missing cold NY. Mike and I just finished wrapping the last of the gifts and we're now going to sit on the porch and smoke the last Newport of the day.

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wondering if since Danipoo's bro Mike is in FLA, if that means she and Kim will be accompanying him back to NY with a layover in D.C. to hit the nudie bars with PJ & PetRock.

Hmmm?

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shivering at the thought of going outside today. It looks so cold out there.
I'm helping a friend move out today. He's moving out of the country for a while, down to the southern hemisphere. It's the right kind of weather for that kind of thing. Cold drawn out skies that make the long goodbye of helping someone move out look like a scene from a Japanese art film.
And then, Christmas. These are the days where life most feels like it needs to be set to music.

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trying to remember what I wanted to do originally. instead, I'm waiting for family to show up. I'm a lucky lucky girl.

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http://altern.org/ephantasm