he called me tonight.

my surprise means that, even though i have plenty of concrete evidence that he's interested, (i.e. he said so), and that in fact we are having a relationship, i still can't quite get a handle on the situation. it's one of those things that really does seem too good to be true. every time he does just the right thing, i'm blown away.

i admit i have moments of fear, disbelief. sure, it's self-protecting behavior. i know i need to relax, let go and let it happen. but it's hard.

fuck, i'm doing all that dumb chick stuff. my apologies to all the cool women of sorabji for being a hen. and i probably shouldn't torture you all with this blow-by-blow, but i think i'm in shock. is this good or bad do you think? is this what it's supposed to be like?

relax relax relax. jeezis. well, i have til wednesday to pull it together. it sorta seems far away right now.

when in Detroit, one must go to St. Andrew's.


I am looking forward to the next time i get to go back to Detroit. Lots of pals there I haven't seen in a couple years.

I hate this weather, yet love it at the same time. cool and partly cloudy. Spent most of the day indoors and again have no enregy to show for it. I got home yesterday and onlt got five pages into my Discover before I snoozed off. I never do that.

i always check here first before I check my email. I get more messages here than there.


I wrote an 11 page paper today (double spaced). plus did a lot of scanner work. I can't wait to go to this conference coming up. I love going to conferences. It's the only traveling I get to do anymore.

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waiting for 7pm (central time here) to watch on USA (cable tv) 'Jules Verne's timeless classic:'"Journey To The Center of The Earth" part I, part II is tomorrow night. only minutes away!

THE EPIC MINI-SERIES JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH
PREMIERES ON USA SEPTEMBER 14 th & 15 th

TREAT WILLIAMS, JEREMY LONDON, BRYAN BROWN and TUSHKA BERGEN
Head an All-Star Cast

What a day. Worked, soccer practice, then a meeting. I'm finally home, almost time to put the boys to bed.

I need to find time to walk the dog every day. The poor pooch misses me during the day.

I'm very interested in my humanities teacher. He's fascinating. Many people in my class think he's gay. I hope not. That would spoil the possibilities of him noticing how lovely I am and asking me how desperately I really want that "A".

He's a short, small little man. Balding. A little bit of facial hair. A missing tooth, which is probably responsible for the slight lisp. He dresses in a tweed jacket with a metalic red tie. And he has these two tiny incredibly bright diamond studs in his right ear.

He reads his lectures from a script, and supposes that Aphrodite (whom he never refers to as the goddess of love. rather as the goddess of sexual desire) would say things like "Dude...chill." He thinks that no one in the class knows who Mary Shelly is and take great pains to explain her to us. And if you try to get up and leave his class a dreaded five minutes early, he'll slam his hands down on the podium and yell "Hey!". Really. He'll Yell.

He's so cute. I think it's the earrings that really do it for me.

CHECKING OUT THE SITES

battening down the hatches. What's left of Floyd is supposed to pass just east of D.C. tomorrow afternoon to tomorrow evening. We're predicted to get 5 inches of rain, and winds up to 50mph.

Danipoo-- how you makin' out on FL's west coast?

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very very very scared of Gee and her balding toothless crush

fried chicken gizzards for $2.25.

extra chitlin'?

no charge.

ooh she gave me Mekong Whiskey
ooh she gave me Hong Kong Flu
ohh she gave me MEkong Whiskey
Put me on a breeze to katmandu


Must've made it onto Sheila's hit list today, cuz I killed Bambi this morning. I was going up a hill and was nearing the crest when I spot two does and fawn runnign around on the side of the road. I start slowing down but I can't manuever or slow down very fast at all because an ASSHOLE Wisconsin driver has been tailgating me for the past three miles, and swerves out behind me, cutting me off from the over lane. The adult deer scramble up the hillside, but Bambi leaps the wrong way and Thump! carroms off my right rear passenger door. Killed it instantly. Just left some hair on the door no dent or anything. Of course ASSHOLE doesn't stop or anything. Great way to start the day.

Spent the rest of the day figuring out PowerPoint and scanningnin old photos of farmhouses out of a book. I can't believe I have written and gathered all the visual aids for a paper in two days. Whew! Now I have to wait a month before I give it.

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playing Final Fantasy Tactics. I don't know any other girls really into video games, but I think they're yummy.

just turned down 5 free tickets to Tori Amos from a girl that keeps buggin for me to get her smoke......not only do i not feel like helping her but the mere thought of being trapped at a Tori Amos concert makes me vomit

Hey Doc, you did save the backstraps, didn't you?

we like Tori Amos.

going through some of the old wayd's.
stumbled across one of mine that sums it all up.
if everything i ever wrote on this board gets wiped out, i hope this one post remains:

"3/2/99, 7:45 PM
swine is:

a) malcontent
b) maladroit
c) maniacal
d) morbid
e) FUCK YOU, IT'S ARMAGIDEON TIME.

thanks for playing."


the answer is D.

just in case you had to ask.

going through some of the old wayd's.
stumbled across one of mine that sums it all up.
if everything i ever wrote on this board gets wiped out, i hope this one post remains:

"3/2/99, 7:45 PM
swine is:

a) malcontent
b) maladroit
c) maniacal
d) morbid
e) FUCK YOU, IT'S ARMAGIDEON TIME.

thanks for playing."


the answer is B.

just in case you had to ask.

going through some of the old wayd's.
stumbled across one of mine that sums it all up.
if everything i ever wrote on this board gets wiped out, i hope this one post remains:

"3/2/99, 7:45 PM
swine is:

a) malcontent
b) maladroit
c) maniacal
d) morbid
e) FUCK YOU, IT'S ARMAGIDEON TIME.

thanks for playing."


the answer is A.

just in case you had to ask.

going through some of the old wayd's.
stumbled across one of mine that sums it all up.
if everything i ever wrote on this board gets wiped out, i hope this one post remains:

"3/2/99, 7:45 PM
swine is:

a) malcontent
b) maladroit
c) maniacal
d) morbid
e) FUCK YOU, IT'S ARMAGIDEON TIME.

thanks for playing."


the answer is E.

just in case you had to ask.

writing love letters to a sweet young boy & spending some quality time w/ a gerbil. these incidents are not related.

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these things are true and indisputable:

1. you always get exactly what you deserve.

2. if it seems too good to be true, it is.


she called him just hours before our date, which he kept. the woman he grew up with, the one he almost married a long time ago, the one he always wondered about. she's coming to visit him in two weeks, to check things out.

and yet, we still had a great time at dinner. we talked in that rhythm of understanding and laughter. he struggled openly and honestly. he trusts me.

i called him on his cell right when i got home and he was driving back. he knew is it was me, answered, "hey, i'm glad you called." and then said he was going to call me when he got home to say that he had a really great time, that i'm really special, an incredible person, blah blah de blah, and he still wants to hang out.

i asked him if i could come over but he said no. it's good, it would have been easy for him to say yes.

i held him at arms length right from the start, because somehow i knew it would have been too perfect and nothing that good is ever real. but he kept calling. maybe he knew she might reappear, maybe he didn't. but i had no fucking clue about any of this.


i get on a plane in 12 hours. i don't care about anything. i'm not even packed. i want to medicate myself. i feel like i want to die.

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waiting for nelson to pop up...

ha ha, charade you are.

vowing that i will not let the awareness of my own stupidity freeze me into inaction. I vow to go ahead and do it in a stupid and fucked up manner if that's the only way.

Detroit is the place to be especially now, Sarah. There's something about that place that vibrates in unison with the lonely and thoughtful.

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wondering if obnoxisity is really a word, or just mark's clever way of capturing the spirit of the idea.

Welcome back, sarah.

Dying, jus a little bit at a time. Im sick, which is my own personal hell. I'm also really getting fed up with the rabid "pro lifers" around here. Do we really need a billboard that says" so and so number of babies were murdered today."? My friend justin says we should act like Gerbils and eat the babies we don't need, or smoke them like crack.

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Only come here when I've wound down from the day. Looking at computers all day really kind of puts a damper on things like this.

Three day weekend! Fair Days! Busy Busy.

downloading linux.

it's taking awhile.

[email protected]
http://trevor.butler.edu/~borourke/soylent/

I'mmm bacccckkkk.

Bloody work. Grrr.

Whats the story with working at work huh huh?

Anyhoo
Sarah I have my fingers crossed for you, and
Jinafishes I LOVE VIDEO GAMES!

it sounds stupid, but I feel like real rotten crap on Sarah's behalf.

I'm sorry, Sarah.

exhausted and yet still having trouble sleeping.

Waffles or FB, can you pass me some good 'put me to sleep' drugs? Maybe I'll just guzzle a couple of Wyder's and hope to intoxicate myself to sleep. (Tip: Don't ever try to drink Pear Cider and eat chocolate simultaneously... they just taste nasty together).

Sarah, keep your head up. : ) You can come get drunk with me if you want...

I really wish the boards weren't being "repaired" right now. I am going to have to go to bed anyway so what the hell am I complaining about?

Oh yeah, and I requested a song on the radio tonight and the fucknuts didn't play it. Jerks.

[email protected]
http://www.crosswinds.net/~bradsgirl

how's this for drama?

Keanu gave me a ride to the airport. i checked one luggage. from a payphone near the departure gate i called the guy who hit on me and gave me his business card two weeks ago at a big dinner party. we talked for about 10 minutes. told him i'd call him when i got home next week. went through agriculture inspection. boarded the plane.

commence hallucinations.

as i walked down the aile to 35J, the people all had the look of death in their eyes. i thought about my best friend Paula finally calling me right before i left for the airport. speaking with Janet, my only friend left in Detroit. thought about feeling like i wanted to die.

sat down next to a portly asian girl who was uncomfortable. i began to panic hardcore. why was i about to commence a holiday of misery? 3 minutes before take-off, i asked her to please excuse me. i got up, walked to the head of the cabin. as i approached the door, the 3 attendents had the oh-shit look in their eyes. one said, "what's wrong?"

i said, "i want to get off the plane."

"why?" he asked.

"i'm having a panic attack,." i told him.

he smiled and touched my arm and said, "it's ok. it happens all the time."

the other girl got on her walkie talkie and radio'd ahead to the counter. she escorted me off the plane. she assumed i was extending my hawaiian vacation... many people come here on holiday and just never leave. i explained to her that i live in hawaii. the counter people said that they may or may not be able to intercept my baggage in LA, but it might end up in Detroit. i told them i couldn't care less.

when Keanu picked me up at the airport 20 minutes later, i opened the truck door and said, "boy am i glad that's over." he said, "i'm real proud of you. be true to yourself."

now i have to call my mom in an hour or two and break the news. she's not going to be happy. in fact, she'll probably be quite cross with me. maybe i'll try to go to detroit again on sunday, or maybe not. maybe it's just not the right time.

maybe i don't know what the fuck is going on anymore. what i do know is that i'm going surfing tomorrow, not to work.

[email protected]

p.s. thanks for caring, you guys. it means more than i could explain.

[email protected]

i MISTOOK tENneesee for Trebuchet, . . . . . . .. Hey Sarah! is that you?

thinking that if it's because of the guy Sarash, you need to repeat to yourself "You're only a guy. I like you, but I don't need you all the time. I don't want you to feel like I need you because you've got this slinky girl coming to -meat- you and I don't know what the disaster will be. -I think I'll stay out of the radius of the explosion while I still can.- I don't want to be making him feel like a big boy now with 2 lipstick kisses on his face." over, and over, and over.

just added a couple of new Angry Sam entries to my site, if anyone is intersted in some good toilet reading got to my site below and follow the links.......thanks for your continued lack of support

http://members.tripod.com/accustat

....doing the happy dance...I won $85 off of $5 in scratch and win lotto tickets....

i had a brief wave of lotto fever come over me this am......should have known when i saw the winning numbers to be 7 & 11 it was a winner!!!!

Speak for yourself, Waffles.

Angry Sam is great.

Looking forward to having time to reading the new stuff.

Soon, hopefully.

I am drowning in files.

wondering about deliquent sorabjites

listenign to the Bevis Frond right now. Intersting trippy hippy music, more edgy than Phish, kind of sound like a band I used to go see when they were based out of Houghton called howsyerday (except the e had an umlaut and was rotated 200 degrees) They were playing out of Santa Monica for awhile, but I think they broke up.

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